Context: Folsom Cordova Unified School District Southeast Asians in California 2460 Cordova Lane, Volume 11, Number 86, Novmber-December, 1990 Rancho Cordova CA 95670 (916) 635-6815 Judy Lewis, Editor Human Mirrors and Self-Worth We were in the “suicide lane”, waiting for a break can’t hurt anyone.” in the oncoming traffic to make a left turn. Facing us “But do people do that to you a lot? Do you get was another car, also waiting for to turn left. My idling that kind of look from people all the time?” words froze in the air as I suddenly I became aware of “Sure, I guess so. Usually I just ignore it. We say the woman passenger in the other car. The malignant that when you come to another people’s country you expression on her face as she talked to her compan- have to act like a female cow. But my wife does get ion, looking back and forth between him and us cut really upset. Sometimes she doesn’t want to go out.” right through the insulating space and windshields that “I can’t blame her for that.” separated us. I was struck literally dumb. I was as- “One time she was driving the Celica by herself tounded that so much could be communicated without and some Americans in another car drove up beside words or gestures. I don’t think it was paranoia—as a her and started yelling at her and pointing, saying white girl raised in a mellow middle-class neighbor- things like why was she driving that kind of car, and hood, my experiences up until that moment had taught why didn’t she go back to where she belonged, called me that my fellow man was generally tolerant or at the her ‘nip’ and things like that. They drove along beside very least benign in his disinterest. her for a long time, and she felt really afraid. Some- I turned to the person who was driving the car, my times other people are hard to ignore.” friend and co-worker, a Hmong. “Does this happen to you very often?” Sociologists and psychologists say that each of us “What’s that?” he wondered. forms an image of who we are by the reflections we “Look at them, over there, in that car. Can’t you see in the mirrors that are other people. What this see the hatred? What’s her problem?” woman reflected was very negative—if members of “Oh, that. Don’t worry about it. It’s only a look, it (continues on next page) page 2 Context: Southeast Asians in California minority groups see such reflections, and faced with the reality of being minorities, if the reflections are so easily seen over of looking into mirrors where the image distance, without the use of words, how is suddenly becomes menacing. Some it possible for them to learn self-worth? newcomer groups are better prepared How do people get up the courage to go than others for dealing with these out into a world inhabited by people who negative reflections. communicate their attitudes so easily, so Some groups arrive with a long silently, so quickly? history of being minorities in their Jade Snow Wong, author of Fifth former countries—the Hmong, Mien, Chinese Daughter was interviewed for a Khmu, overseas Chinese. By choice most PBS program about Maxine Hong lived apart from the majority group, in Kingston, author of Woman Warrior and different villages or sections of town. China Men. She said, in response to a Still, they developed skills that enable question about racial prejudice: “they them to maintain personal worth when called me ‘chinky chinky chinaman’, but I faced with the “majority mirror”. These thought, ‘Well, Chinese were civilized skills would be valuable to identify and before your ancestors were. I think that teach in American schools. kind of thing kept me from feeling Other newcomer groups used to be inferior. I never felt inferior even though I the majority (the Vietnamese, Lao, and was discriminated against.’” I’ve heard Cambodians) and must be ill-prepared to the same kind of thinking when one deal with their new position as minori- Hmong says to another about an incident ties. Their cultural orientation to life in someone of ‘looking at me strange’: America needs to include interpersonal “Well, he doesn’t really know how to act skills that enable a person to recognize like an adult yet...” Displays of emotion, and deal with negative interactions, especially out-of-control emotion, are verbal and nonverbal, without losing seen as the province of children. personal worth. Actually, I was a minority once. I The two problems that face us as visited Thailand a few years ago, and educators are (1) how to identify those there were times when I was the only essential skills and incorporate them into white face—the only falang—in the crowd teaching newcomers, and (2) how to for days at a time. My Thai “mirrors” break the generational cycle of xenopho- reflected curiosity, wariness and even bia. eagerness, but not once hatred or preju- Any ideas? Do you have materials dice. My difference seemed special rather that work? Has anyone tried the old than strange—a positively valued differ- Values Clarification strategies in class- ence rather than a negatively valued rooms with both newcomers from difference. various cultures and American-born students? Are there any materials for Of course, in this country, to be conflict resolution that focus on the American has been for 200 years nonverbal and intercultural? synonomous with being European. As the implicit definition of American is in the throes of change, there is resistance from those who want to keep the racial distinc- tions intact (“us” vs. “them” thinking). OPINIONThose non-Europeans who have come to live in America are immediately Volume 11, No. 86, November-December, 1990 page 3 By Diana Ho: Life, for anyone, begins as a taught me to realize I must work people. I would thereby repay simple journey; then as time hard to educate myself to acquire this country for helping my passes, there emerge wide rivers to the sense of self-worth and dignity family and me in our times of cross and high mountains to climb. to be independent and confident. poverty, and I would give These barriers are tests of strength As I stepped from childhood myself the gift of great personal and character an individual must into adolescence, my culture and satisfaction. overcome to mature both intellec- family values caused me many I have overcome feelings of tually and emotionally. The major internal conflicts. Being restricted disgrace and shame to learn obstacle I’ve had to confront is from participating in American fun pride. My family and back- being able to respect my family and activities of dating and parties ground have had a profound myself as Vietnamese people, as made me feel different and inse- and positive influence on my non-whites in a society where cure. I recall inviting very few identity and values, both of customs are often completely American friends to come to my which will help me for the rest contrary to the oriental value home because I was embarrassed of my life. From extremely system. My experiences integrating about my parents’ heavy accents. modest circumstances, I have into the American culture have Yet my mom would always cut out developed into an independent, proven that my heritage and family magazine articles of successful confident, outgoing and re- are blessings that have helped me Oriental students for me to tape to spected person, which gives me become independent, confident, my wall, and at dinner my dad courage to move forward. secure and appreciative. would often have discussions Wherever I go to college— I remember how much I about education, morals and his whether it be U.C. Berkeley or desperately wanted to be a part of life experiences. Feeling torn apart U.C. Davis, both of which the American crowd in elementary from what I assumed I had to act would be fantastic learning school, especially after my parents like at school and how I actually environments for me—I am told me to play with the white, was at home often caused me to determined to succeed for middle-class kids because I would resent my parents; however, their others and for myself. My learn more from them than from constant pride and love made me journey has already taken me the Orientals and Mexicans living ashamed of my own self-conscious- across the wide river of racial in my housing area. Although I ness. Now as I shift to adulthood, I identity. I now seek the high kept trying, I was never accepted as feel thankful to my parents for mountains of an inspiring American because I was a shy, giving me a sense of identity in university education where I strange-looking Oriental girl who being Vietnamese; therefore, I will find academic and personal dressed in free clothes given by consider myself unique, rather than success. church charities to those who lived strange, at never having shaved my on welfare. I would try to eat my legs, never having a boyfriend, or free lunch with the white children, never having been to a school but the seats were often saved for dance. their friends. My real friends were Looking back, I know I have Follow up questions: the Cambodians, Hmongs, and discovered the best of me as This essay was written to appeal to Vietnamese with whom I played evidenced by my leadership in a panel of American essay evalua- rubberbands or with whom I went extracurricular activities, my tors, and follows “rules” for what is apple-picking, tree-climbing, and honors, and my number one rank acceptable, desirable, etc.