DICK, MARRISSA R., Ph.D. An African American Woman’s Educational Journey: Pragmatic and Pedagogical Practices of Fantasy. (2012) Directed by Dr. Kathleen Casey. 157 pp. My dissertation is an autobiographical narrative about my journey through a non-pedagogical and oppressive school system, to an oppressive marriage, and back to a graduate program that, in my opinion, epitomizes the essence of pedagogy. I explain how fantasy theory has situated itself in my life as a metacognitive tool in order to save my conscious reality as it guided me towards transcendence. I address my introduction to fantasy as a child inside of the classroom. I talk about mis-educative experiences inside of the classroom and provide examples of those experiences. I discuss microaggression and how it was played out during my earlier educational years as well as describe my experience with internal-microaggression during my master’s program. I explain how fantasy returned to my life during my marriage and divorce. I also discuss my relationship with the Black church utilizing soul therapy. I talk about my African American contemporary Christian romance novels and how writing them allowed me to be reflective on my past relationships so I could still have faith and hope of love in my future. I conclude my dissertation by providing examples of my teaching pedagogy and my inspirations for those reading my dissertation. In essence this dissertation is a qualitative culmination of past recollections, current reflections, and future endeavors as I continue to learn and transcend through my lifelong journey with education. AN AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMAN’S EDUCATIONAL JOURNEY: PRAGMATIC AND PEDAGOGICAL PRACTICES OF FANTASY by Marrissa R. Dick A Dissertation Submitted to the Faculty of The Graduate School at The University of North Carolina at Greensboro in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree Doctor of Philosophy Greensboro 2012 Approved by Committee Co-Chair Committee Co-Chair © 2012 Marrissa R. Dick APPROVAL PAGE This dissertation has been approved by the following committee of the Faculty of The Graduate School at The University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Committee Co-Chair Committee Co-Chair Committee Members Date of Acceptance by Committee Date of Final Oral Examination ii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS To the Most High God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob I thank you for saving my mind, body, and spirit for such a time as this to write this dissertation. I thank you for keeping me in search of education even though she attempted to hide herself from me through intentional mis-educative practices. I thank you, God, for not allowing these ill experiences to hinder my educational walk. To my parents Charles and Joyce Dick I thank you for being the most loving, nurturing, and supportive parents God could have ever given to a child. To my brother, Charles, Jr. (Wayne) and my sister, Bartola (Spirit), thank you for comforting me relentlessly when I felt as though life was passing me by during my educational pursuit. To my nephews, Arabian and Joseph, my great nephews, A’Leel, and Elijah, my nieces, Shakiba and Nubia and my great niece, Nevaeh thank you for all of your love and continued support. I pray that I have set an example for you to never give up on your dreams as attaining the doctorate degree has always been mine. I cannot explain the magnitude of love I have for each one of you. I am profoundly grateful that I am but a tapestry in your lives. To my Pastor, Dr. Kevin A. Williams, thank you for allowing God to utilize your unique preaching style to heal my mind and bring clarity to questions I never asked you. Throughout my master’s and doctoral degrees you have been a spiritual rock for me. You taught me how to increase my faith and affirmed for iii me that I can indeed do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I love you, Pastor, and I thank you for allowing me to serve you unconditionally in your ministry. To my spiritually-knitted sister, Rev. Lisa D. Taylor, thank you for the prayers you have provided for me and my family during our hour of need. You have been the constant reminder that if we step out of God’s way He will always supply the ram in the bush. Thank you for always reminding me of how much God loves me. I would also like to thank my awe-inspiring advisors, Dr. Kathleen Casey and Dr. H. Svi Shapiro, who guided me toward fantasy theory as well as an autobiographical dissertation. Additionally, I would like to thank Dr. Christopher Poulos for introducing me to accidental autoethnography and Dr. Jewel Cooper for her support. During this research old educational wounds have been healed and my faith in education and educators has been restored. I am better for having you all as my professors during this season of my life. Thank you so much for embodying and sharing the essence of pedagogy; I’m all better now. iv PREFACE Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination. (Dewey, 1929, p. 11) And I was thrown into a whirlwind of writing. The writing just took me. I could not not write. And, for the life of me, I could not think of any way to write sense into this senseless time other than to surrender to the anxiety that had gripped me, and to fall into writing about it. The idea of ethnography being something that directed my attention, seemingly by accident, had begun to take hold. My autoethnographic reflection on that day, and the weeks that followed, really launched the beginning of my career as an “accidental ethnographer. An idea about the practice of accidental ethnography was beginning to take shape. And then I had a dream . (Poulos, 2009, p. 59) What in world is he saying to me? Did my dissertation committee co-chair just tell me that I don’t really want to write about divorce? Whose proposal is he talking about? It can’t be mine. Is he really sitting here saying that it’s obvious to him that my dissertation is all about fantasy? He had to say that because I’m watching the letters F, A, N, T, A, S, Y slowly come out of his mouth riding the waves of his thick English accent. I clearly remember leaning back in my chair because I feared the letters were going to strike me in the face. “Are you alright, Marrissa?” he asks leaning forward and gently touching my hand. Hell no, I’m not alright! I wanted to scream. How in the world did you come up with fantasy theory from what I wrote? “Yes, Dr. Shapiro, I’m fine. Uh, v can you please expound on fantasy theory? I don’t see the connection. I really do want to write about divorce.” “Why do you want to write about divorce, Marrissa? I know you were married and it ended in divorce, but what does that have to do with your dissertation? Explain to me what your central concern is about divorce.” I was silent. “You have multiple theories here. I see black feminist theory, women and violence; I also see education as an oppressor and a liberator. What is it about education that liberated and oppressed you? It appears that you experienced some type of transcendence through education,” he says leaning back in his chair with a serene look on his face as though he is contemplating his own question. “Take your time.” “I want women to know that divorce isn’t the end of the line. Society makes divorced women feel like something is wrong with them, Dr. Shapiro. We become labeled and stigmatized. I want women to know that there is life after divorce. It’s not a death sentence. A lot of productive and creative things can come from divorce. I was liberated during the entire process.” “Liberated? How so?” “Well, for one I went back to school and completed my undergraduate degree as soon as I signed my divorce papers and I also wrote five African American contemporary Christian romance novels that are published. I would not have been able to do any of that if I were still married. I want women to know that they can use their emotions during the divorce process as a tool of vi empowerment. You know, when I went back to school I met five women who returned to school immediately after they divorced. There’s something to that. Why did we turn toward academia, Dr. Shapiro?” “I don’t know Marrissa, that’s something you can include in your dissertation, but I do not believe divorce is your driving force. I believe your driving force is how you use your imagination to escape oppressive situations. You escaped through fantasizing and it became an art. You know, Marrissa, “Art is a lie that tells the truth” (Shapiro, 2010). Tell me if I’m wrong here, but I sense that you actually have a relationship with the characters in your books.” I nodded, yes. “After reading your proposal, it is clear to me that you use fantasy as a way of escape. You know, Marrissa, fantasy runs parallel with hope and desire and it can even aid in fostering certain beliefs. Fantasy in your case seems to be tied to your purpose. It’s as if fantasy benefitted you somehow. It’s almost as if it affirmed your position in reality. Fantasy is your unrealized passion, Marrissa. Tell me what do you believe your passion is?” What in world did he just say to me? Passion? What passion is he talking about and what in the world does that have to do with my dissertation? “Uh, divorced women returning to school?” Dr.