A Glossary of BDSM Courtesy of the website FetLife.com A plethora of bewildering terms and specific language exists in the BDSM scene. In this Glossary, I have only included terms that are useful for understanding BDSM in relation to this exhibition. Terms that are particularly explicit have been excluded. Aftercare (see Dom drop, sub drop, subspace): The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, and slowly come back in touch with reality. Depending on the intensity of the scene and the nature of the participants, aftercare may be very important to one or both participants in order to prevent later emotional aftereffects. Aftercare may consist of some or all of the following components: Being away from noise, activity, bright light; physical closeness and touching with the partner; hydration with water or sport drink; keeping warm. Aside from its necessity, aftercare can be one of the most rewarding and loving experiences the participants can share. Bad pain (see limits, good pain): Physical or psychological pain which is beyond what the recipient is capable of accepting without potential long-term physical or emotional consequence. Frequently arises from exceeding the recipient’s limits, or failing to recognize signs of distress. Can lead to drastic consequences, including permanent physical damage, psychological side effects, ending of the relationship, even abandonment of the lifestyle. BDSM: Bondage, dominance, submission, sadomasochism. Bondage: Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage may refer to total body restraint, or restraint of a particular body part, such as breast bondage. Bottom: a submissive partner in sexual play (such as in being flogged, tied, humiliated, or made to serve); a partner who receives stimulation from another, and who may or may not be submissive; a partner who enjoys submission on a temporary, limited basis. Breath control, breath play: The act by which the dominant controls the submissive's breathing, often by choking, HOM (hand over mouth) or other forms of asphyxiation. Important: Many consider any form or degree of breath control to be extremely dangerous. Collar: Any symbol used to represent that a submissive or slave is Owned. Often an actual Collar, but can also be anything from a anklet to a bracelet to whatever the "couple" decides it to be. Collared: The state of a submissive or slave who is the consensual partner of a Master or Owner, usually in a long-term relationship. Sometimes referred to as Owned. Collaring: 1. The formal acceptance by a Dominant of a submissive's service. 2. A ceremony celebrating such an event. May be a simple act of commitment between two people, or a formal ceremony similar to a wedding. Compersion: Feeling expansion in joy and in love when a person you love finds happiness derived from their experience with another person. Consent: Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing BDSM relationship. Dominant (Dom): Person who exercises control in a D/s relationship. Can be used for any gender. Also see Master, Mistress. Contrast with Top, which usually refers to the person who exercises control in a scene, and who may or may not be a Dominant “full time”, or may not be the Dominant of the person being controlled in the scene. Dominate: To have power and influence over another person. In D/s, generally refers to having control in a power exchange relationship. Dungeon: A room or area with BDSM equipment and play space. Examples: A corner in a Dominant’s house, a facility owned or rented by a BDSM club, one or more elaborate rooms in a public club catering to the BDSM trade. Edge play (adjective form: "their play was edgy"): Play which pushes the limits of the persons involved. Also used for potentially dangerous activities such as fire, electricity, cutting, or breath play, which require careful study and practice before attempting. Endorphin rush: (see aftercare, subspace) Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the "high" people often get from pain or stressful situations. Once thought to be solely responsible for the phenomenon of “subspace”, but it is generally acknowledged that a bottom can achieve subspace without being placed in endorphin-causing situations. Exhibitionist: A person who delights in, or obtains some form of gratification from, behaving extravagantly in order to attract attention. In BDSM, this often takes the form of displaying “taboo” actions or portions of the body. See exhibitionism Fetish: Sexual excitement aroused by a specific object, body part, or activity not usually associated with sexual arousal. Flogger: A tool of impact play, consisting of a handle with multiple lashes attached to it. The lashes are typically made of leather, but may also be made of materials such as rope, suede, horsehair, or even rubber. Flogging is a human sexual practice in which one person (the bottom) is struck (usually repeatedly) by another person (the top) with a whip or flogger. Good pain (see limits, bad pain): Generally defines a level of pain (physical or psychological) which the recipient can bear without causing long-term physical damage or emotional harm. See “bad pain” for possible consequences. Impact play: Striking with various objects, including the hand (spanking), riding crops, floggers and whips and canes Kidnapping play: Scenario in which the bottom is forcibly restrained and (usually) taken to another location for further play. Kink: Unconventional sexual preferences or behavior. Limits (see hard limits, soft limits): What someone will not do (hard) or is hesitant to do (soft). Masochist: A person who enjoys receiving pain or humiliation. May or may not be sexual. Master/slave or M/s: A consensual relationship in which the Master has ownership of the slave. A relatively intense form of D/s relationship. The relationship is more likely to be 24/7. Needle play: Temporary piercings done with sterile needles, usually only for the duration of a scene. SAFETY ISSUES: Must take precautions against infection. Owned: The state of a submissive or slave who is the consensual partner of a Master or Owner, usually in a long-term relationship. Sometimes referred to as Collared. Play: 1. To engage in a BDSM scene or session (see scene). 2. A type of D/s or fetish activity, as in humiliation play, age play, toilet play, edge play. Play party: A gathering for the purpose of enjoying BDSM play. May be held at someone’s home, or in a club-owned or commercial space (often referred to as a dungeon) specifically intended for the purpose. Usually has specific rules governing the safety and conduct of attendees (see House rules, Club rules). Polyamory: 1. Having multiple relationships with persons not in the same household; also called open marriage, open relationship. 2. Participating in living situations with more than one person; also called family, group “marriage”, multiple “marriage”, polygamy. Protocol: A formalized set of rules controlling the interaction between Dominants and submissives. This can be at any level. (1) In an individual relationship, a Dominant usually dictates certain rules for given situations, such as forms of address in speech or writing, when to kneel, what to ask permission for, and how to behave online, in public or with lifestyle friends, as just a few examples. There may be different levels of protocol; for example, when wearing the Collar, the submissive may be expected to behave in a more ritualistic fashion (sometimes referred to as “high protocol”). The rules may be more relaxed, or “low protocol”, when the couple is interacting in casual, everyday mode. (2) A BDSM group or club may establish a protocol for interaction between its members; for example, how a submissive addresses another Dominant, how a Dom may interact with an unattached sub, etc. (3) Various sectors of the BDSM community, for example the leather community or Goreans, may have very detailed and explicit “high protocol” rules for interaction between its members. Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) (compare with Safe, Sane, Consensual (SSC)): A standard of conduct for the healthy enjoyment of BDSM participants; similar to SSC, but acknowledges that there are always risks in any kind of activity which must be understood and accepted. Sadism: Taking pleasure in inflicting pain and/or humiliation upon others, or observing others being hurt. Sadomasochism: An activity or practice involving the inflicting or receiving of pain and/or humiliation. Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) (also see RACK): A standard of conduct for the healthy enjoyment of BDSM participants; similar to RACK, but with an emphasis on making any activity as “safe” and “sane” as possible. Scene: 1. A period of time devoted to BDSM activity. 2. Of or about the BDSM community, usually capitalized ("the Scene"). Sensation play: BDSM play where the intent is to push the subject's sensory limits, using light touch, heat/cold, objects of different textures, etc. Often in conjunction with sensory deprivation. Sensory deprivation: Use of various objects such as blindfolds, ear plugs, etc. to deprive the subject of one or more senses. The intent may be to enhance other senses, such as touch (see sensation play), or to cause insecurity. Often used as an exercise in pushing limits or fostering increased trust. Shibari: A Western name for Kinbaku, a type of bondage originating in Japan and characterized by extremely elaborate and intricate patterns of rope, often used both to restrain the subject and to stimulate the subject by binding or compressing the breasts and/or genitals. The aesthetics of the bondage are considered to be a very important element of this form of bondage. Sleepsack: Bondage device similar to a sleeping bag or body bag. Usually very confining; often has straps for added restriction.