Notebooks of an Apocalypse — Volume 4 / p. 1 Satprem Notebooks of an Apocalypse Volume 4 1984 Notebooks of an Apocalypse — Volume 4 / p. 2 To Sujata with whom, on Mother’s and Sri Aurobindo’s track, we dug the hole of the next life on earth, step by step, in our own flesh and in the cells of our body The terrible and wonderful Mystery of life. Notebooks of an Apocalypse — Volume 4 / p. 3 January Notebooks of an Apocalypse — Volume 4 / p. 4 January 1st, 1984 A power which seemed very material and extremely dense rose and rose from deep down in the body. Then it was like an immobile upward well, but very high. A “dense” well. I don’t know what this means or what is happening. * Evening I am completely exhausted. I shouldn’t be noting down these manipulations anymore—these are the links in a process. In the end, we will understand… perhaps. Barbarism weighs down. January 2, 1984 Divine wonders are happening. No small “spiritual” and visionary stories: the descent of the Supreme into Matter. And then, it was OBVIOUS: the Earth is going to change. It was no longer a prayer, it was obvious: the Earth is going to change. First, there was this “upward well” and that Power from below which rose and rose (like yesterday). Then this Power became denser and denser, even denser and denser—and as it was getting denser, the “well” up there was filling up, so to say, that is, “that” was rising less and less— it was above the head. And then it descended into the body! But I perceived the phenomenon in a more detailed and exact way: I Notebooks of an Apocalypse — Volume 4 / p. 5 felt that from billions of cells and from each individually—an innumerable, clear, tiny perception, a touched, palpated perception, I could say—a little shoot of golden power was coming out (or which gave a golden, warm sensation), and all these little shoots together rose-rose with adoration, a love so pure and so full of gratitude... All this mass together became denser, even denser, and then immediately it joined a Block of Power above the head (one could say a sun). Then, nothing rose anymore: it was this sole Block which was descending into the whole body—I say “Block”, stupidly. But it was the Supreme Lord with all his delight of love, it was the Supreme Mother with all her powerful tenderness—it was innumerably lived by the body. All of a sudden, there was a cry, a formidable cry from all the cells, the entire being, from all this matter: Glory to You Supreme Lord, Glory to You Supreme Lord, Glory to You Supreme Lord, Glory to You Supreme Mother, Glory to You Supreme Mother, Glory to You Mother… It was like a terrestrial vibration, like a seism in this whole terrestrial Matter—now the time of Falsehood is over, this is the Reign of the Supreme. One could feel that the Earth was shaken. One may say I am crazy, but I know, and that Power so formidable, so Wonderful, which men are incapable to feel (they can only feel the charlatans of the vital), this impalpable “air-like” Power, imperceptible for all those robots wrapped in black, is going to shatter all this Matter, chase out the thieves and usurpers and re-establish its reign of Truth: an Earth of Truth and Beauty. I will never be able to tell this Marvel, this Supreme Splendour in all the cells of the body. There was something that stammered and stammered in sacred wonder: oh! Lord, oh! Lord, oh! Lord… This is the Goal of the ages and of all the earths. In fact, this is what happened on December 31, the junction of the Notebooks of an Apocalypse — Volume 4 / p. 6 highest with Matter, but this time it was perceived-lived more totally, more minutely too. * The Earth is going to change. And then, I clearly saw/perceived, it was obvious at last, that all these fears, anxieties, worries, these dangers of bursting, all that which has been teeming in the body for months, IT IS DEATH WHICH IS AFRAID TO DIE. That’s really a revelation for my body. And then, it is so comforting! ... The death of the world is becoming terribly scared! All the little “mortals” are becoming terribly afraid for their cocoon of death. It is Death that is going to die. * And it is formidably TRANQUIL—like this mountain silently1 crushed. Perhaps it will be a silent cataclysm! January 4, 1984 The Nectar is there! Such a powerful Nectar! The New Sun is not burning, it is a nourishing, refreshing Sun—one could say irrigating! And then this Love… this concrete, living, solid Love. Oh! the supreme ecstasy is in the body!2 1 See Notebooks II on August 24-25, 1980. (Editors’ note) 2 The translators chose to respect Satprem’s very characteristic use of punctuation. Notebooks of an Apocalypse — Volume 4 / p. 7 The body could not believe its eyes or its millions of cells: how is it possible! How is it possible! How can they love me so much! At some point it cried: OM—OM—OM—may That resonate through the whole earth, may all the fortresses be shaken! And I say: the impossible is POSSIBLE. And nothing left which imprisons, nothing left which limits, nothing left which crushes: a golden swelling, like a flower which swells in the Sun, widens and opens up a million times, then, a few eternal moments when it closes again in an act of adoration and eternal gratitude, and again it (the body) widens, swells infinitely—a pulsation of love. All words distort, it is beyond everything men, even the most sublime, have ever been able to imagine or believe. At some point, the body said: I bow for the whole Earth, I bow for all ignorant beings, for all ages, for all efforts, I bow to Your feet for everything and all with gratitude and love. (But these are just approximate words: it was an ACT.) * One could say: the body is conquered! by the supreme Lover. * Evening I don’t know what transformation is, but what can be more sublime than that? Simply, the body should be a worthier expression of that. * One would like so much to bear witness to this Marvel! But nowadays they hear only the voices of Falsehood. But still, if one body has experienced that, it is the sign (the promise) that other bodies will be able to experience it, whatever the temporary Notebooks of an Apocalypse — Volume 4 / p. 8 conditions of the world. * Every day, now, I put a red hibiscus on this old ball (!) (my globe). January 5, 1984 Obviously, I immediately find myself in front of the old Contradiction from which Sri Aurobindo has suffered and which Mother has painfully endured day after day and hour after hour. And I measure how painful— physically painful—it is. This is the “screaming” contradiction, one could say—yes, it screams—between such an intense need from the body and the physical consciousness to live always and always in this true, wonderful, divine Vibration, and the necessities of this old delusive life which seems to become all the more delusive and obscure and muddy because one has a foot on the other side. It cries in the body and creates such a painful contradiction… This morning, I had to take care of a problem of land encroachment by the neighbours (who have moved the boundary stones), a problem of firewood, a problem of food that I can’t chew… well, it was so pitiful and painful, as if the body—the whole body—were drying up, were becoming fibrous, hard and shrivelled, and then everything became covered with a kind of dirty glue—I had to struggle for more than one hour to undo all that, to cleanse all that, to enlarge all this misery, oh!... So the body really cried to recover the sun, the divine blossoming, the true rhythm, the pulsation… It is an absolutely painful contradiction. I can imagine that the first men who managed to break away from the ape family must have had much difficulty in leaving the old environment and Notebooks of an Apocalypse — Volume 4 / p. 9 creating their new milieu. The whole old life is a web of lies (which seem very natural and almost true to the old life), and one must be able to continue breathing this Sun of Truth while being constantly assailed by the old mud and the old human way. How will the new being free itself from all that? He must be able to create a new environment for himself or have enough power to remodel human matter around him; otherwise he might be swallowed up again, or lose three quarters of his strength in simply struggling to cleanse himself and undo the prison that is constantly trying to build up again—it is like an instantaneous imprisonment for the body. This is the exact opposite of the blossoming and solar expansion that he needs, the exact opposite of this vibration, this rhythm, this pulsation. Everything must contract and shrivel to be able to live in the old milieu. This is the automatic shell, the instantaneous black cocoon which tries to re-establish its rights. Well, that’s it. And yet, I am in quite exceptional conditions… But such is the problem. A minimum of “cleansing” is required in the terrestrial atmosphere before the new being can evolve.