Accountants Can Cook By Ken Frost MA FCA © Copyright Ken Frost 2002-2003 Contents Introduction......................................................................................................................................10 Genesis ............................................................................................................................................12 The Captain’s Table .....................................................................................................................12 Fried Bloaters and Scrambled Eggs..............................................................................................12 The Budding Einstein....................................................................................................................13 The Basics....................................................................................................................................14 A Turkey is for Life, Not Just Christmas ........................................................................................15 Curry in Manchester Docks ..........................................................................................................15 Family Holidays ...........................................................................................................................16 A Baked Potato a Day Keeps the Doctor Away..............................................................................16 Chips, Chips and Even More Chips...............................................................................................17 “Ken That sauce Looks Like Semen”.............................................................................................19 Edinburgh UK..................................................................................................................................20 The Mansion House Gang.............................................................................................................20 Sleep Driving................................................................................................................................22 The Hiccup Attack from Hell.........................................................................................................23 The Big Eat...................................................................................................................................24 Ken Fell Down and Broke His Crown ...........................................................................................27 Don’t Be Silly Be a Smarty, Come and Join the Tory Party............................................................28 No Rubber Chickens .....................................................................................................................28 Flying Melba................................................................................................................................28 London UK ......................................................................................................................................30 An Orgy at the Coconut Grove......................................................................................................30 Lobster Bashing in Aylesbury........................................................................................................31 The Club.......................................................................................................................................32 Nude Modelling............................................................................................................................32 Ten Breakfasts for One .................................................................................................................34 Ken “Theseus” Frost and the Labyrinth........................................................................................34 Dublin Ireland ..................................................................................................................................36 The Black Velvet...........................................................................................................................36 There Was an Englishman, an Irishwoman, a Dutchman and the Pope ..........................................37 The Morning After ........................................................................................................................38 There’s an Englishman at the Door...............................................................................................38 Berlin Germany................................................................................................................................40 A Bratwurst for Breakfast in Berlin...............................................................................................40 2 © Copyright Ken Frost 2002-2003 Start the Day With a Carbonara....................................................................................................41 The Winds of History Blow Through the Brandenburg Gate...........................................................41 The Honourary Rabbi ...................................................................................................................42 New York USA................................................................................................................................43 Close Encounters with a Hooker...................................................................................................43 Lingerie Buying at Harrods ..........................................................................................................44 Wedding Party Upstate.................................................................................................................44 No Smoking, No Singing ...............................................................................................................45 Size is Everything..........................................................................................................................46 Safety First...................................................................................................................................47 Italian Influences..........................................................................................................................47 Well Done Sir Richard..................................................................................................................48 St Hellier Jersey UK.........................................................................................................................49 Don’t Mention the War .................................................................................................................49 Prostrate in the Ladies’.................................................................................................................49 Simi Valley USA..............................................................................................................................51 “I Almost Pissed My Pants”..........................................................................................................51 Pink Elephants..............................................................................................................................52 Gunfight at the Simi Valley Trattoria.............................................................................................52 Salt Lake City USA ..........................................................................................................................54 Drinking, the Mormon Way...........................................................................................................54 A Quick Pint in the Mountains ......................................................................................................55 Darmstadt Germany..........................................................................................................................56 The Stooping Shower ....................................................................................................................56 Was the Eisbein Shaved? ..............................................................................................................56 “Now I Know Why You Enjoy Auditing”.......................................................................................57 Seoul Korea......................................................................................................................................58 Slumming it in the Hilton ..............................................................................................................58 Meeting Dr No..............................................................................................................................59 A Quiet Dinner for Myself and Six Hundred ..................................................................................59 Dr No’s Birthday Party.................................................................................................................60 The England vs Korea Drinking Competition ................................................................................61 Ask a Policeman ...........................................................................................................................62 The Most Dangerous Place in the World .......................................................................................62 Effective Haggling, the Frost