Volume 59 No. 10 December 2015 VOLUME 59 NO. 10 DECEMBER 2015 COVER: NATIVITY ICON by the hand of Kh. Erin Kimmett, [email protected] contents 3 EDITORIAL Models of Parenting for by Bishop JOHN 5 PRIESTS BENEFIT FROM THEIR RETREAT Clergy and Parents AT ANTIOCHIAN VILLAGE 6 THE JOY AND CHALLENGE OF EVANGELIZATION by Fr. Anthony Roeber or this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to 8 CHIEF AMONG SINNERS his wife, and the two will become one esh.” is is a profound mystery – by John R. Gresham, Jr. but I am talking about Christ and the church. How ever, each one of you also 10 FATHER JOHN NAMIE: HEAR THE VOICE AGAIN must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 12 PREPARED HANDS, PREPARED HEARTS, Ephesians 5:31–33 The Most Reverend PREPARED PEOPLE Metropolitan JOSEPH by Edith Humphrey, Ph.D. The Right Reverend St. Paul uses the family relationship of a husband that of the parent to the adult child, but, for my pur- Bishop ANTOUN 16 ARCHDIOCESAN OFFICE and wife to describe the relationship of Christ and His poses here, I don’t think that this changes the value of The Right Reverend Bishop BASIL 17 THE DEPARTMENT OF Church. We also use our relationships in the Church to this study. CHRISTIAN EDUCATION The Right Reverend understand better our family relationships. is is le- Authoritative parents have high expectations for their Bishop THOMAS 21 IT’S TIME TO SPREAD ORTHODOXY gitimate, because both family and Church are gifts from children, but are supportive, kind, gentle and under- The Right Reverend by George Khouri III God and present models of reasonable and holy behav- standing. ey explain why and how they come to their Bishop ALEXANDER 22 ORATORICAL FESTIVAL ior. Further, Christ uses the metaphor of a good father to conclusions, appealing to authority outside of them- The Right Reverend Bishop JOHN describe how God as Father relates to us. e purpose of selves to guide and teach their children. ey say things 24 WHAT DOES FOCUS MEAN TO YOU? The Right Reverend parent-child relationships, as well as pastor-parishioner like “the wisdom of my grandmother,” or “the time-test- Bishop ANTHONY 25 COMMUNITIES IN ACTION relationships, is for us to respond to the incarnate God ed method experienced by everyone,” rather than things The Right Reverend who, by His Spirit, lives with us now. In these holy rela- like “Do it because I said so.” Questions and discussion Bishop NICHOLAS 34 THE WHEEL: A NEW INDEPENDENT JOURNAL tionships our primary relationship is with our God, and are welcomed. e parent avoids threatening the child, Founded in Arabic as by Tim Clark Al Kalimat in 1905 this relationship is realized in our families and parish and the child is shown great respect and love. Children by Saint Raphael (Hawaweeny) life, and nurtured by them. I would like to explore how who grow up with this style of parenting are typically Founded in English as The WORD in 1957 models of good parenting can build holy and produc- secure, con dent and creative. by Metropolitan ANTONY (Bashir) tive relationships between a pastor and parishioner. (A A pastor who uses this parenting style is secure in his Editor in Chief The Rt. Rev. Bishop JOHN, D.Min. model relationship of a healthy pastor and parishioner mandate and understands that he is not competing with Assistant Editor Christopher Humphrey, Ph.D. can build healthier family relationships, too.) I apolo- his parishioners; his success is dependent on their suc- Editorial Board The Very Rev. Joseph J. Allen, Th.D. gize from the start that my study “paints with a wide cess. He prepares his messages appealing to the wisdom Anthony Bashir, Ph.D. The Very Rev. Antony Gabriel, Th.M. brush” or is simplistic. I also write knowing that every of the Church as expressed in her tradition of Scriptures Ronald Nicola parent uses many styles of parenting, depending on what and the writings of the Fathers. He reminds the ock Najib E. Saliba, Ph.D. Letters to the editor are welcome and should include the author’s full name and parish. Submis- is appropriate to the situation. Each style has positive that Christ often says that we are not to be afraid, be- Design Director Donna Griffi n Albert sions for “Communities in Action” must be approved by the local pastor. Both may be edited for and negative aspects, depending on a number of circum- cause the Father loves us. is pastor understands that Member purposes of clarity and space. All submissions, in hard copy, on disk or e-mailed, should be double- The Associated Church Press spaced for editing purposes and provided as a Microsoft Word text. stances. I also confess, up front, that my bias is for the people will make their own choices; his job is to give Ancient Faith Publishing authoritative parenting style. them the information, love and the formation to make Ecumenical News International ANNUAL SUBSCRIPTION: Orthodox Press Service U.S.A. and Canada, $20.00 Psychology text books describe four major parenting good choices. He maintains a community informed by Editorial Offi ce: Foreign Countries, $26.00 styles: authoritative, neglectful, permissive, and authoritar- the teachings that lead to holy living and he preaches The WORD Single Copies, $3.00 ian. Each one carries di erent characteristics and brings truth in love. He calls people together to understand 2 Lydia’s Path Westborough, MA 01581-1841 e WORD (USPS626-260) is published monthly, except July and August, by the about di erent responses from the children as they re- how to live in ways based on the teachings of Christ. e-mail: [email protected] Antiochian Orthodox Christian Archdiocese of North America at 358 Mountain Road, PO Box 5238; periodicals postage paid at Englewood, New Jersey 07631-5238 late to the parents. While every parent-child relationship He lives with the people as an example of Christ-guided Subscription Offi ce: and at additional mailing o ces. 358 Mountain Road is di erent, it is helpful to understand how these styles living, without needing to be boss. His ock responds, PO Box 5238 Postmaster send address changes to e WORD, 358 Mountain Road, PO Box 5238, elicit predictable responses. So let’s take a look at these secure in what they have learned and in their own rela- Englewood, NJ 07631-5238 Englewood, NJ 07631-5238 styles and see how and when they might apply to the tionships with Christ. ISSN 0043-7964 www.antiochian.org. priest and parishioner relationship. I do this fully aware Neglectful parents are unaware of what their chil- Canada Post Publication Agreement No. 40043404 Return Canada address to that the priest-parishioner relationship is most often like dren are doing. ey let the children gure out things American International Mail, STN A – BOX 697, Windsor ON N9A 6N4, Canada 2 December 2015 e Word 3 Editorial teach obedience and lessons. While children feel loved, they don’t feel respected. ey have problems with au- thority because they don’t understand why decisions are authoritative made and assume that there are no good reasons other than the power of the authority gure. Children of these families have trouble getting along with others and are neglectful often aggressive or contrary. ey often have low self- esteem and poor communication skills. Pastors who use this style are often frustrated when permissive their parishioners nd ways to work around them. ey speak of the authority of their o ce instead of using logic and appealing to God’s revelation. ey become authoritarian overly concerned with obedience and have less tolerance for themselves. ey don’t teach their values and skills. for personal expression. Parishioners will respond pas- ey don’t challenge their children. Children of such a sively, sometimes just by staying away or avoiding the parenting style are often angry and insecure because they pastor. ey will also choose not to accept roles of lead- can’t trust the family to guide them and they lack the ership or responsibility. Others will match the pastor’s knowledge and skill necessary to navigate. zeal in a ght. Clergy who use this parenting style often feel unable As both a parent and a pastor, I confess that I have to in uence their parishioners. ey don’t feel like they unconsciously used each of these parenting styles. As I are part of their community. ey seem to lack con - look back at my life, I know that my children and pa- dence in their position to guide and lead. ey allow rishioners can report my many shortcomings and mis- others to assume responsibility for the parish. ey avoid takes. Had I had an awareness of these parenting styles, pastoral relationships with parishioners and feel discon- perhaps our lives together would have gone smoother. nected. Parishioners of neglectful pastors lack con dence Yet, there are times, such as when a child runs out into in their understanding of the faith and don’t understand tra c, when an authoritarian “Stop now!” is appropri- why the Church gathers or what she teaches. ate. ere are other times when we need to be permis- Permissive or indulgent parents care about their chil- sive, and let our children make their small mistakes. In Priests Bene t from eir dren and are involved in their lives, but are less demand- this way they can grow to be wise adults. Perhaps there ing or directive. ey tend to avoid confrontation and are times when we even need not to ask about certain Retreat at Antiochian Village allow the children to set their own goals and standards.