MAN SPLAY By Colton T. Deck A creative project submitted to Sonoma State University in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of MASTER OF ARTS In English Gillian Conoley Stefan Kiesbye April 30, 2018 i Copyright 2018 By Colton Deck ii AUTHORIZATION FOR REPRODUCTION OF MASTER’S PROJECT I grant permission for the print or digital reproduction of this project in its entirety, without further authorization from me, on the condition that the person or agency requesting reproduction absorb the cost and provide proper acknowledgment of authorship. Date: 4/30/2018 Colton Deck 619 Van Ness Avenue Torrance, CA 94928 iii MAN SPLAY Creative Project by Colton Deck ABSTRACT Man Splay is a book of poems that observes and explores the current state of masculinity in America in order to open an uncomfortable dialogue between “masculine” men. Through exploring gender divides, socio-political states, and Deck’s personal experience of attempting to find his own definition of masculinity, the poems navigate uncomfortable subject matter that can’t be ignored by those with a shared experience. The book of poems is broken up into three sections, “Brownie Points,” “Women I’ve Not Known,” and “Best Friends and Emotional Gore.” Each of the sections focuses on specific aspects of masculinity. “Brownie Points” focuses on being a man of color in modern America, “Women I’ve Not Known” shines a light on masculine constructs of romance, and “Best Friends and Emotional Gore” explores Deck’s own male experience in dealing with the grief of loss, and harsh family dynamics. Chair: Gillian Conoley April 30, 2018 MA Program: English Sonoma State University iv Man Splay, A Critical Introduction Through my deep dive into the constructs of what makes a “man,” I hope to blend the personal and public in a way that welcomes the reader into my experiences of masculinity. While focusing on political aspects of manhood, given the current gender divides in our country, I engage and spread myself over a vast variety of social spheres and hope to open a dialogue that can help define what a “man” is in the current socio-political climate. It would be a lie to say I alone have come up with this idea of exploration. Over the course of my studies, many great writers, poets and musicians have inspired me to become a more active part of society through poetry. Reading Camus, Komunyakaa, Shepard, and many more has dictated the path of my collection of work in the sense that they all have unique aspects I have borrowed to create a certain type of vulnerability in my work that does not rely on the compliance or agreement of the reader, but rather the opposite. In giving more control to the reader, I hope to shrug the weight of the word “poetry,” and extend an invitation to those who wish to engage in a dialogue concerning the modern definition of “masculinity” that is devoid of the stereotype of “poetry” being a women’s genre. Perhaps the deepest and longest-lasting wound in the days of my early writing was when a sixth grade female classmate was allowed to turn in a poem for homework, and I, for unknown reasons, was not. While this experience may be seen as unimportant, it actually shaped the work I would later be doing in graduate school. Exploring the mentality behind “manhood” and what makes a man is my figurative bread and butter, but to me it is also more than just an academic currency. Seeing as there are so many ways to be a man, in so many different cultures, it is only fitting that men be allowed to earnestly and honestly explore this topic, assess, and make changes where it is seen fit. The previous thought is one that has hung onto my skull since the day I tried v to turn in that poem over a decade ago. Why could I not turn in my poem? It fit the parameters of the assignment; it was turned in on time, so why was I not allowed to? Being in the sixth grade, I didn’t quite have the words at the time to fully form my argument, but from what I can see looking back now is that my teacher and I were vastly different men, or him a “man,” and I, a “boy.” In my work, it can be argued that “manliness” is a fluid construct that is shaped and shifted by those around you. If one is beaten as a child, one may in fact beat those he is meant to protect later in life. If one’s friends are womanizers, perhaps that is what defines their “manhood,” the conquest of women. Obviously, the prior statement over-simplifies an otherwise extremely complex issue in the world at large. In my collection “Women I’ve Not Known” focuses on these dynamics. Although the narrator remains the same throughout the collection, it is near impossible to nail down what makes him a “man.” The back and forth between the narrator’s multiple voices throughout the collection is what I theorize as the current uncertain state of “manhood.” While the collection starts out with two poems that may evoke conflict, or the doubt tied to romance, these are concise points in relationships for men my age. Does the sex make a relationship last, and if we talk too much, are we then deemed too sensitive? What follows is a multiplicity of voices, ranging from the romantic to familial bitterness of emotional abuse, to the common male “bravado” stereotype of power gained through sexual conquest. These are all the voices of societal constructs that push and pull a man into being. However, just being is not enough. There is a lack of conversation of what men need to change about their prerogatives, demeanor in the public sphere and beyond. Endless conversation topics arise when men approach the topic as people who can empathize with others’ experiences. Perhaps this is my goal in all of my vulnerability. Showing the “good” with the “bad” makes the narrator part vi hero and part villain, and the readers get to decide for themselves which one they connect with more, or not have to make a choice at all. A fantastic representation of a hero/villain exists in Albert Camus’ famous work, The Stranger. When I first read The Stranger back in my high school days, I was mystified by the lethargic uncaring of Meursault. For me, Meursault served as a vessel for a man’s raw nature in the stereotypical sense. Meursault’s blatant uncaring nature, even in regard to his own mortality, is something appealing to the more stereotypical male in myself. Camus gives us a main character that is troublesome. By troublesome I mean we do not know what to think of Meursault at the opening of the book, and remain unsure to the end. Camus’ choice of opening in The Stranger represents the troublesome nature of Meursault perfectly by Meursault stating, “Maman died today. Or yesterday maybe, I don’t know…Maybe it was yesterday” (3). Meursault’s mother has passed away, and knowledge of her passing should place us in sympathy with him, however, the blatant uncaring of Meursault causes the reader to stumble a bit on their own feelings and ideas regarding loss. Furthering the troublesome nature of Meursault, I look to when Meursault responds to his boss offering him a promotion and responding with, “…in any case one life was as good as another” (41). The previous quote is something that comes up again much later in The Stranger when Meursault is to be executed. Even though the stakes have been raised from a simple “change of life,” to Meursault’s execution, there is little difference in the way Meursault handles the two drastically different scenarios. This is the type of conflict I create within my work, as the reader is presented with subject matter that would normally evoke some sense of sympathy in the reader; however, by incorporating that sense of stereotypical male uncaring mixes everything up. vii My poem “pinocchio syndrome.” presents the reader with a narrator that has an opportunity to fall in love, but instead complains about those sentimental feelings. A good example of the stereotypical male uncaring comes towards the end of the poem and reads, “filled with a floral stench that i couldn’t bear/ to stomach, nor could it stomach me i suppose” (lines 15-16). The above lines are meant to showcase the narrator’s need for intimacy, while also rejecting the thought because he knows that the woman would not feel the same. Through creating these types of narrators I toy with the idea of the hero/villain complex and what it means to be vulnerable, unlike Camus’ Meursault. The most important influence on my work in terms of vulnerability is Yusef Komunyakaa. “After Summer Fell Apart” served as the direct influence of my poem, “drift.” Seeing the way Komunyakaa navigates the complexities of a relationship between two people, or rather three, left me scarred in the best of ways. While the subject matter portrays a sense of weakness in the narrator due to the events surrounding the poem, there is an inherent power in his vulnerability that has bled into my work. The vulnerability Komunyakaa possesses in his work is not a typical characteristic one might expect while dredging up sensitive issues. Instead, the power is reallocated to the narrator who shares their truth with the reader. I’ve attributed two stand out qualities to that specific sense of vulnerability, the first being bluntness, and the second being truth.