THE Volume 24, Number 1, 2013 FOLIOA JOURNAL FOR FOCUSING AND EXPERIENTIAL THERAPY MEMOIRS Stories of One AHa Transformational Focusing Experience THE Volume 24, Number 1, 2013 FOLIOA JOURNAL FOR FOCUSING AND EXPERIENTIAL THERAPY MEMOIRS: Stories of One AHa Transformational Focusing Experience v THE FOLIO vi LETTER FROM THE EDitoRS viii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 1 THE MAGIC QUESTION Elizabeth Abraham 3 MEMOIRS: The Space Between Sarah Bean 7 ANGER BECOMES ASSERTION POWER Janet Beggs, M.A. 11 NEW BEGINNINGS Donna Blank, M.S., GCFP/T, LMA 14 SURVIVING COLLEGE—FOCUSING BEFORE AND AFTER: “How to Write an Essay Without Chewing Off Your Own Leg” Abbe Blum, Ph.D. CFP 18 Meeting LANDSCAPE: An Instance at the Seashore Jan Boelhouwers 27 MY VERY FIRST FOCUSING SESSION, LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT Erna de Bruijn, M.D. 30 A HEALING DIALOGUE: A Self-In-Presence Listens to Anger Pamela Carr 34 THE PINK SILK ARROW: A Visibly Big Change from Focusing Ann Weiser Cornell 43 FOCUSING WITH “BABY ON BOArd” Barbara Dickinson, C.F.T. The Folio (ISSN: 1063-3693) is the Journal of the Focusing Institute, Inc., Spring Valley, N.Y. The Focusing Institute is a world-wide membership organization and a not-for-profit corporation in the state of New York. ii • The Folio • 2013 48 TAKING OFF THE STRAIGHT JACKET: A Healing Focusing Process through the Inner Connection to Other Existing Dimensions Ifat Eckstein, M.S.W. 52 GREEN DREAM Jael Emberley, CFT 55 MY BIG FOCUSING AHA Rosie Fanale, APRN, RNC, M.Ed. 58 A CLEARING IN THE Space: My Transformational Aha María José Fernández-Caballero 61 A TRANSFORMational FOCUSING EXPERIENCE: The Power of Engaging from One’s Embodied Presence: A Tribute to Neil Friedman Glenn Fleisch, Ph.D., MFT 69 WE HAVE TO FIND YOUR KITTEN Rob Foxcroft 79 TRANSFORMationS THROUGH FOCUSING—FOR CLIENT AND THERAPIST! Isabel Gascón 82 CLEARING THE FOG . Nigel Gibbons 87 BACKStage COMpaSSION Zena Goldenberg, M.A., M.S.W., L.C.S.W. 89 TRANSFORMational FOCUSING: A Journey to Creativity and Discovery of the Inner Poet Soti Grafanaki, Ph.D. 93 DRAGON IN MY TUMMY Michelle Habington 99 THE ART OF LISTENING WITHOUT ADVISING: My Own Focusing Story Hila Haelyon, Ph.D. 103 FINGERTIPS AND DRAGONS: A Memoir Katarina Halm 108 THE SHORTEST FOCUSING SESSION EVER Bala Jaison, Ph.D. 111 FINDING NEW LEVELS OF ATTENTION: San Salvador, 2012 Charles Jennings •ConTenTs • iii 114 IT FILLS ITSELF IN: The Process of Growing from the Insecure Child into the Woman I am Anna Jongeleen, B.A. 118 A SpontaneoUS EXPERIENCE OF FOCUSING Jocelyn Jacks Kahn 122 LIVING ON IN—MY FIRST FOCUSING SESSION Jo Kennedy 126 THE BIGGER PICTURE Nada Lou 130 AN INNER-DIRECTED LIFE AwakenS! Kevin McEvenue 133 A TRANSFORMatiVE FOCUSING SESSION: Birthing in the Presence of Technology Zehorith Mitz 136 FOCUSING AS A PRayeR PRACTICE Elizabeth Morana, Ph.D. 142 HE AIN’T HEAVY; HE’s MY BROTHER Bruce Nayowith 145 FOCUSING EXPERIENCE George V. Neagu 148 A GENTLE Path to RADICAL CHANGE Suzanne L. Noël 152 THE LIGHT That FOCUSING FOUND Paula Nowick, Ed.D. 155 LONGINGS OVER THE YEARS: Evolving Focusing Moments Atsmaout Perlstein, Ph.D. 160 IN-LIGHTENMENT Kit Racette 166 FOCUSING AND BLACK MAGIC Lyly Rojas, Ph.D. 169 NO MORE FORCE: A Cry To Be Heard Kathy Roy 174 A GOOD MOTEL Marian Sandmaier iv • The Folio • 2013 177 MEMOIR: The Beginning of a Friendship Bebe Simon 179 HOW FOCUSING HELPED ME RELEASE THE TANGLED KNOTTED ROPE John L Threadgold, B.A. (Hons) M.A. 181 LOVING PEOPLE into BEING: An Interactive Focusing Experience Unnamed author 188 TRANSFORMING PAIN AND HEALING PHYSICAL INJURY WITH WHOLE BODY FOCUSING: A Memoir Karen Whalen, Ph.D. 192 HOW I DID IN FOUR MINUTES WITH FOCUSING What I DID NOT DO IN SEVEN YEARS OF THERAPY Anna Willman 196 TOUCHING “What’s ALIVE” David C. Young, LCSW Copyright©2013 by The Focusing Institute, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction or us of any material without prior agreement and written permission from the publisher is prohib- ited. Printed in the U.S.A. The Folio • v THE FOLIO A Journal for Focusing and Experiential Therapy PUBLISHER The Focusing Institute PO Box 539 Spring Valley, NY 10977 U.S.A. Phone: (845) 362-5222 Fax: (845) 704-0461 e-mail: [email protected] Website: http://www.focusing.org EDITORS Bala Jaison, Ph.D. Toronto, On. Canada [email protected] Paula Nowick, Ed.D. Springfield, Ma. U.S.A. [email protected] COVER ART: Robin Kappy LAYOUT AND PRODUCTION Carolyn Kasper Marlboro, Vt. U.S.A. [email protected] INFORMATION Hard-bound copies of the Folio are available at a reduced rate for members of the Focusing Institute whose dues are fully paid ORDERING THE FOLIO To order hard copies of this edition of the Folio please go to: http://www.focusing.org/folio2013 vi • The Folio • 2013 LETTER FROM THE EDITORS One of the great pleasures in life is sharing with another person something memo- rable that has happened to us. Often, the very act of articulating our stories aloud or on paper deepens our understanding of the significance of our experiences, giving us a better sense of clarity, hope and comfort. Indeed, the art of Focusing involves discovering clues to stories hidden in our bodies, stories whose emerging details are often facilitated by the presence of an attentive listener. All of us, both as Focusers and Listeners, have witnessed extraordinary tales which, for the most part, are seldom ever shared with a larger public . so that made us wonder . would members of our community actually be willing to write so personally about one Focusing Session that transformed their lives? In answer to our request, many Focusers enthusiastically told us that, yes, there had indeed been one extraordinarily significant session in their lives that stood out because the story illuminated an unexpected answer to a very difficult or convoluted dilemma, or trans- formed the way they viewed an issue. From the beginning of the call for papers, we had in mind the idea of an aha-moment that would never be forgotten, or better said, would always be remembered so we adopted this colorful term, aha as the distinguishing hallmark of the kind of memoirs we were seeking. It is our pleasure in this Folio to have been the Listener to so many wonderful and touching stories, and an even greater pleasure to work with so many talented writers. We learned about the many hours they spent creatively shaping their stories so that you, the reader, could follow not only the factual details, but would also be able to sense the affective power and impact of these Focusing aha’s. The thoughtful crafting of a memory into a publishable story involves many ques- tions to consider for both the writers, and for us as editors: How to start and end? What to leave in—or out? What to elaborate upon? Which words best evoke the fullness of the moment? Would direct quotations or conversational summaries best hold the readers’ atten- tion? Should the tone be suspenseful or poignant or humorous or matter-of-fact? When is the story too long, or for that matter, too short? As a guide, we offered our writers several literary descriptions of a memoir (our favorite being “an informal recollection of an event as if you were telling it at the kitchen table!”) In addition, we also asked our writers to include a reflection of what this particular aha session taught them about the Focusing process itself. We think you will be as edified as we were to read the insightful, often highly original pieces of wisdom that arose from so many touching personalized experiences in this Folio issue, Memoirs: Stories of One Aha Transformational Focusing Experience. letter From The ediTors • • vii So, we are now ready, with much delight, to present to you 47 (yes 47!) wonderfully written memories—memoirs—from members of our Focusing community. Traditionally, at this juncture in our Editor’s Letter, we list all of the contributing writers and give a short synopsis about their contributions. However, with 47 entries, we were not prepared (and didn’t think you were either) for 47 write-ups! Hence, what we will say instead is that the diversity of insight, growth, change, and inspiration is both heartfelt and often astounding. Some of the memoirs are very serious, of difficult and painful experiences that were transformed through the process of Focusing. Others are genuinely amusing and will make you smile from ear to ear. And, for the first time, some of the writers have included a variety of wonderful drawings and pictures, mak- ing this edition of The Folio particularly memorable, both visually, as well as in a felt way. We hope that you will enjoy reading these wonderful memoirs as much as we have, and feel both inspired and uplifted to have been privy to these very personal events and felt-shifts. Now it is your turn to enjoy and listen to the following stories, and maybe reflect upon some of your own special, memorable aha moments. With regards from your editors, Bala Jaison, Ph.D. Paula Nowick, Ed. D. Senior Editor Managing Editor viii • The Folio • 2013 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS We always enjoy writing the acknowledgment page because it feels natural and good to us to thank others who’ve helped us out. Normally, in this spot, we thank a whole group of Guest Editors, but for this Memoir edition, we’ve done all the editing ourselves, which actually turned out to be the easiest part. The enormous part was keeping track of 47 first, second, and third drafts, each requiring detailed emails back and forth, not only with each other, but also with 47 writers, (not to forget the number of times our phones ran out of juice!) Each draft version was read and edited several times by both of us, so it became necessary to develop a massive flow chart with all sorts of boxes to be checked as each memoir wound its way through our emails to the famous DONE FILE.