Being Available, Becoming Student Kind: A Nurse Educator’s Reflexive Narrative Margaret Graham This is a digitised version of a dissertation submitted to the University of Bedfordshire. It is available to view only. This item is subject to copyright. BEING AVAILABLE, BECOMING STUDENT KIND: A NURSE EDUCATOR’S REFLEXIVE NARRATIVE by Margaret. M. Graham A thesis submitted to the University of Bedfordshire in partial fulfilment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy October 2014 i BEING AVAILABLE, BECOMING STUDENT KIND: A NURSE EDUCATOR’S REFLEXIVE NARRATIVE Margaret. M. Graham Abstract This thesis is a story of how I came to construct and illuminate a reflexive narrative as a journey of self-inquiry and transformation towards personal realisation. It shares a view of reflection as lived in being and becoming a reflective nurse educator in higher education. My narrative draws upon, auto- ethnography, critical social theory and hermeneutic perspectives. Johns (2010) six dialogical movements have been used to give structure to my narrative. Nineteen reflections generate the reflexive narrative in a hermeneutic spiral, as each text informs the other along the journey. Insights become clearer through guidance, dialogue, and engagement with the literature. Early reflections show anxiety, emotional distress and entanglement as I tried to solve student problems. Maternalism influenced my approach to being with distressed and struggling students. Gradually these feelings give way to being available, becoming student kind as an enabling relationship with students. Becoming student kind is framed through my adaptation of the Being Available Template (Johns 2013). It is realised through; listening, presence, caring, empathy, compassion and emotional intelligence. Poise, a self-management practice ensures that personal concerns and tensions do not hinder my relationships with students. Mindfulness expressed as spirituality sustains this process. This path to becoming student kind creates a learning space for student growth and development. In so doing, students are enabled to enter into a nurse patient relationship through being available. I express my empowerment through a dialogical voice, transforming my practice with individual students, in the classroom and beyond. Understanding the tensions within the complexity of university culture influencing nurse education, informs collaboration with colleagues towards a shared vision of nurse education. I turn to reflect on a journey of constructing a reflexive narrative. Five stepping stones for dialogue in advancing guided reflection as a foundation for nurse education are offered. My inquiry weaves a story of reflection as testimony to a fusion of practice and theory. I reveal practice wisdom, informing my day to day work in being available becoming student kind in relationships with students. I explore the contribution to knowledge, my practice and future research, considering the strengths and challenges therein. ii Author’s declaration I declare that this thesis is my own unaided work. It is being submitted for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy at the University of Bedfordshire. It has not been submitted before for any degree or examination in any other University. Name of candidate: Margaret M. Graham Signature: Date: 13/10/2014 iii List of Contents Abstract .................................................................................................................... ii Author’s declaration ............................................................................................... iii List of tables ........................................................................................................... vii List of figures .......................................................................................................... vii List of plates .......................................................................................................... viii List of appendices .................................................................................................... ix Acknowledgements .................................................................................................. x Foreword ................................................................................................................. 1 Introduction ........................................................................................................ 1 Rationale ............................................................................................................. 2 Educator as a term .............................................................................................. 4 Background to reflection .................................................................................... 5 Understanding reflective practice....................................................................... 6 My background as context to the inquiry ........................................................... 8 Structure of the thesis ......................................................................................... 9 Chapter 1 Setting out ............................................................................................ 13 Introduction ...................................................................................................... 13 Beginnings ......................................................................................................... 15 Role as a nurse educator ................................................................................... 25 Beginning to clear the way ................................................................................ 31 Chapter 2 Constructing a reflexive narrative ........................................................ 33 Introduction ...................................................................................................... 33 Aims and objectives of the inquiry ................................................................... 35 Setting the context of the inquiry in the academic literature .......................... 35 Using the 6 dialogical movements approach .................................................... 45 Ethical considerations ....................................................................................... 74 Summary ........................................................................................................... 77 Chapter 3 Narrative ............................................................................................... 79 Introduction ...................................................................................................... 79 iv Tabhair dom do Lámh ....................................................................................... 81 Holding the space .............................................................................................. 88 Emails that we (d)read to see and phone calls that we need to listen to… ..... 93 Vulnerable students and academia .................................................................. 99 Loyalty, furtively seeking to protect trust ....................................................... 105 Rigor mortis ..................................................................................................... 109 Spring of [Un] planned Pregnancy .................................................................. 112 Honour thy mother ......................................................................................... 118 She should leave she is a disgrace .................................................................. 128 Finding my voice.............................................................................................. 137 The tide turns towards transformation .......................................................... 147 Echoing Voices................................................................................................. 153 Money matters Erica’s story ........................................................................... 162 Come to the edge ............................................................................................ 176 Swallows set for home .................................................................................... 189 Holly ................................................................................................................ 194 Back to earth ................................................................................................... 197 A Helix ............................................................................................................. 210 A week in the life [exploring being and becoming] ........................................ 221 Summary ......................................................................................................... 239 Chapter 4 Being available, becoming student kind ............................................ 240 Introduction .................................................................................................... 240 Emerging mindfulness as spirituality .............................................................. 241 The Being Available Template ......................................................................... 246 Broadening landscape ..................................................................................... 279 Summary ......................................................................................................... 282 Chapter 5 Afterword