The Magazine For Sheffield 23,000 copies • Est. 1991 • August 2021 • www.grapevinesheffield.net Smoke of War Sheffield, 1915 - p.33 Spying For Germany? Incas Were Gay Swimming School Christmas Dinner! Sheffield Lord Mayor’s Trial - p.18 Amazing Teapot Discovery - p.3 Lessons For Children - p.29 And Half-Price Meals - p.3, p.31 How To Cook Steel Dancers In The Frame Patio In Porcelain Knightly Roof Work Some Heavy Recipes - p.34 On Psalter Lane - p.26 Sleek Ceramic Look - p.30 Repairing Camelot - p.8 2 Grapevine Magazine t seems,” announced my old chum Mr Smith when he visited me embassy (being Churchill Fellows), and it was not long before one yesterday, “that the University of Sheffield’s archaeology department of the diplomats said: “I suppose you lads want to go tomb robbing.” Iis history. I’ve heard it’s going to be closed, which must be of great “Yes, please!” we replied, whereupon Our Man in Lima drove us concern to you - our city’s most esteemed tomb robber.” in his car to an area of desert a few miles north. It seemed strewn “Smith, it’s almost 50 years since I hung up my excavating trowel, with discarded newspapers, which turned out to be shrouds and I must tell you that scratting for bits of pottery was no more of people buried centuries ago. All around, as far as the eye interesting than typing the crown green bowling results, which was one could see, were bones from desecrated graves. of my first tasks as a cub reporter on the Ossett Observer. On the coast of Peru rain is rare, so anything buried in its Archaeology is - to be honest - mostly tedious guesswork.” sands is well preserved - providing rich pickings for ruffians Smith looked bemused. “Listen, old fellow, don’t belittle what who lurked nearby. The diplomat explained that for a small fee you achieved. Everyone knows you’re not the type to blow his two men would plunge a 6ft metal rod into the sand, feeling for own trumpet, or Andean nose flute, but your amazing discovery in artefacts, then uncover them. Up came a lovely painted teapot, Peru changed for ever how historians view the Incas. Until you unearthed which was admired by our embassy guide. “It will,” he said to me, the kinky teapot, nobody even suspected they were gay.” “look marvellous on your mother’s kitchen table.” That discovery of mine came about one misty morning on I coughed politely, and pointed out that mum would not the coast of Peru, in July of 1973. How I came to be there is appreciate pouring cuppas from a homo-erotic work of art. worth recounting. Nine months earlier, a schoolboy friend Before us was a gay Inca teapot, its spout painted to appear as the and I, both aged 17, had been summoned to a swanky address neck, head and mouth of a smiling (or grimacing ) naked youth, in London’s Mayfair, where we became the youngest who was lying on his stomach. Above him loomed the pot’s belly, Churchill Travel Fellows in the history of the world - after being formed by a fat fellow whose huge ferdonger created a handle that interviewed by a dozen buffers who included the naturalist was thrusting up into the lad’s nether regions. Peter Scott (soon to be knighted), a couple of generals, the boss of Before long, my friend and I were camping not far from the Cadbury’s chocolate and a chap who later told us he was a first Incas’ fabulous mountain citadel of Machu Picchu, high above cousin of the Queen. They decided it would be a splendid idea the Urubamba River, where we were enslaved for what to give me and my friend thousands of pounds for an expedition seemed like years by an English archaeologist called Ann Kendall, to Peru, so we could trek into the Andes a Churchill Fellow of years gone by. If our spades slackened for and follow routes taken by Spain’s a moment as we toiled in a hill fort, she would trill to us from afar: conquistadors, who in 1532 began “Boyees! I can’t hear any digging.” Working for the conquistadors devastating the Inca empire. Upon our would have been easier, so early one day we did what we recently One of the Peruvian tomb robbers arrival in Peru’s capital city of Lima we had seen Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid do. We hopped with an artefact were given a warm welcome at the British aboard a passing steam train... and lit out for Bolivia. he unearthed Grapevine Magazine Ian Macgill I editor 421 London Road, Sheffield S2 4HJ 0114 258 3131 www.grapevinesheffield.net Tapton Hall... Sheffield’s Best Kept Secret! We are now taking bookings for December Christmas Fayre - Sunday 28th November Sunday Lunches With Santa - 5th, 12th, 19th December New Year’s Eve Party Tapton Hall... Perfect Location For Every Event Whether you are searching for a wedding venue, somewhere to celebrate that special occasion - or hold a corporate meeting, workshop or training day, our unique and elegant blend of history and efficiency will ensure your event is unforgettable. 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Another rewire was assistant at the travel agency as done in the 1980s. I booked my Mediterranean cruise “We’d read about Borden’s in Grapevine,” several years ago, writes Dave Borden. says Les, “so when the electric shower over our S Her comment so alarmed me that bath stopped working, we gave Dave a call.” I paused before signing on the dotted line. Les knows all about holidays, having spent “Er, the ship’s all right, isn’t it? I mean... there 44 years working at Sheffield’s Woodcock are lifeboats?” Travel, where he started out in 1952, “Mr Borden, it’s just an expression. Naples is so eventually becoming an executive director enchanting that after having been there, visitors of the company, and manager of its Wicker know they can pass away in peace, as no other branch. He says he enjoyed the job, and no city can match its beauty. Now, would you like to wonder. His duties included escorting groups book a trip up nearby Mount Vesuvius? It’s the of holidaymakers as they partied in Tahiti, volcano that exploded in Roman times. Japan, Brazil, South Africa... and flying several Killed hundreds of people in the seaside town times on Concorde. of Pompeii, entombing them in 12ft of hot ash. Les and Sylvia’s house is semi-detached, and Plastercasts of the bodies are on view.” was built in 1924. Their rewire of the 1980s My eyes widened. “I’m getting a bad vibe had been carried out efficiently, but the about this trip. What if Vesuvius pops its cork electrical shower was about as dangerous while I’m looking down the crater?” as they come. Its cabling was inadequate, “Mr Borden, please don’t worry. The volcano and there was no earth bonding, which puts has been dormant for... oh, weeks and weeks. users at risk of a severe shock. Components I very much doubt that you’ll be engulfed by a within the shower’s control unit had melted. pyroclastic flow, though it’s always best to take We always do our best to upgrade circuitry out holiday insurance.” at customers’ homes, rather than put them After my ship docked in Naples to the expense of a full rewire, though (pictured above) I soon realised why people sometimes this cannot be avoided. For Les see the place and expire. Most are probably and Sylvia we were able to make everything electrocuted. Power cables dangled safe by replacing the electric shower, everywhere. And Mount Vesuvius was fitting a new consumer unit (fuseboard), and smoking. It last erupted in March of 1944, renewing some light switches and sockets. raining down rocks the size of footballs “Our shower now works perfectly,” says Les, - only a few years before my customers who still enjoys arranging holidays.