RECOVERY FROM ABUSIVE GROUPS Wendy Ford International Cultic Studies Association (formerly known as the American Family Foundation) Recovery From Abusive Groups About the Author Wendy Ford was recruited into a Bible-based cult in 1973 while a freshman at college. She was in the cult for seven years. While involved, she completed two intensive leadership indoctrination programs, a survival program which included shooting firearms and hitchhiking alone, and traveled throughout the United States. On May 16, 1980, after one failed deprogramming the previous Fall, she was successfully deprogrammed by her parents. After returning home, she completed her B.A at Harvard University while working. Ms. Ford has counseled many ex-cultists, their families, and friends. She has been interviewed extensively on cults both by the media and the government. She has appeared on local and national television and has lectured to many groups, including high school, college, law enforcement, and religious audiences. From 1987 to 1990 she was the New England Director for FOCUS, an ex-cultist support group and is presently a Research Associate with the American Family Foundation. After several years in electronic publishing, Ms. Ford is in the process of changing careers. She is attending graduate school for a Masters in Education and for state certification as a middle school social studies teacher, both to be completed in June of 1994. She is also involved with a women's group, local Unitarian Universalist parish, and sings jazz. She lives with her fiancé in a Boston suburb. Recovery from Abusive Groups Page i Copyright ©1993 by Wendy Ford. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information, write the publisher: International Cultic Studies Association (Formerly known as the American Family Foundation) P O Box 2265 Bonita Springs, FL. 34133 www.culticstudies.org Email= [email protected] This book is a revised, second edition of Some Thoughts on Recovery, copyright ©1990, Wendy Ford. Cover graphic by Jennifer Powell. Intended Audience This handbook was written for people who have been traumatized by abusive groups, in particular cults. This handbook is also helpful for those who have been hurt by someone else's involvement in an abusive group. Cults are characterized as closed groups that use extreme psychological manipulation (abuse) to exploit people. Chapter Four is written specifically to the friends and family of someone in recovery. If you were not in an abusive group, or are close to someone who was/is in an abusive group, you may still find in these pages ideas that can help you. Many who read the first edition and who came from abusive relationships, alcoholic families, or other all-consuming situations, have found this book very encouraging and helpful. Library of Congress Catalog Card No: 93-071153 ISBN 0-931337-04-6 Printed in the United States of America 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Recovery from Abusive Groups Page ii Table of Contents About the Author............................................................................................... i Exercises ......................................................................................................viii Acknowledgments ........................................................................................... ix What You Can Do to Help .................................................................................. x Preface .......................................................................................................... xi Introduction .................................................................................................... 1 Ingredients for Recovery .......................................................................................... 1 Working it Out......................................................................................................... 1 What is a Destructive Group? .................................................................................... 2 Marks of a Destructive Group.............................................................................................. 2 Techniques of a Destructive Group....................................................................................... 2 Harmful Effects of a Destructive Group ................................................................................. 3 Structure of this Handbook ....................................................................................... 3 Buzz Words and Hot Buttons ..................................................................................... 4 Factors In Recovery ................................................................................................. 4 Phases in Recovery .................................................................................................. 5 Phase One - Awareness and Exit.......................................................................................... 5 Phase Two - Understanding and Feeling................................................................................ 5 Learning to Trust Again...................................................................................................... 6 Phase Three - Rebuilding and Dreaming ............................................................................... 6 Chapter 1: Phase One-Awareness and Exit........................................................... 8 Walkaways ............................................................................................................. 8 Interventions .......................................................................................................... 9 Deprogramming................................................................................................................ 9 Exit Counseling ............................................................................................................... 10 Exercise- Leaving the Group............................................................................................ 11 Phobias .................................................................................................................11 Building a Recovery Plan..........................................................................................12 What's Needed for a Successful Recovery?.......................................................................... 12 Exercise- Assessment..................................................................................................... 12 Other Sources of Help...................................................................................................... 13 Where Are You Going to Live? ..................................................................................13 No Hidden Agendas ......................................................................................................... 13 Setting the Environment .................................................................................................. 14 Rest and Food ........................................................................................................14 A Visit to the Doctor's Office ............................................................................................. 14 Nutritional Needs ............................................................................................................ 15 Forbidden Foods.............................................................................................................. 15 More Information, Please! ........................................................................................16 Doing Your Homework ..................................................................................................... 16 Recovery from Abusive Groups Page iii Insufficient Understanding ................................................................................................ 17 Learn to Tell Your Story...........................................................................................17 Talk "With" Not "At"......................................................................................................... 18 Letting the Steam Out ..................................................................................................... 18 Time for Pondering .................................................................................................19 Society at a Crossroads ...........................................................................................19 Pre-Cult Developmental Issues.......................................................................................... 19 Financial Stability ...................................................................................................20 Work Environments ......................................................................................................... 20 Routine and Boring.......................................................................................................... 20 Interviews and Resumes .................................................................................................. 21 Exercise- Job Interview Skills .......................................................................................... 21 Talking about the Cult at Work.........................................................................................