The Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy formerly • Volume 20 • Issue 3 • Autumn 2020 “Our sorrows and wounds Volume 20 Volume are healed only when we touch them • Issue 3 • Autumn 2020 with compassion” Jack Kornfield • Love, Hate & Health Professionals • Non-Death Loss and Grief Compassion • Perinatal Grief – A Profound and Complex Process • A Journey through Grief – for the Self Integration of Theory and Practice Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy Volume 20 • Issue 3 • Autumn 2020 IJCP From the Editor: whatever form was needed, but never assuming that it was not required. In the next article on perinatal loss, Cathy Quinn emphasises the necessity for all practitioners to be fully aware of the multiple facets of such a loss, whilst recognising that each parent will have a different approach to their grief, that is unique to them. The writer offers a message of hope though, that by working with parents who suffer such a loss, in an empathetic, non-judgemental way, they have the space to grieve Dear Colleagues, be concerned for the welfare of and then they can learn to rebuild others, possibly to the detriment their lives in a meaningful way A very warm welcome to the of ourselves. With this in mind, without their baby. Autumn edition of the IJCP, after the theme of this edition of the In the final article, Mary Spring months of what has been a very IJCP is managing self-care for both reflects on how therapists challenging time, for all of us ourselves and our clients through can offer that safe place for and our clients. It has been a loss and bereavement. clients to mourn their present period of adjustment, accepting In our first article, Dr. Coleen and sometimes their past alternative ways to live and work Jones draws on her years of bereavements. However, she for our own safety, but for that experience to address the highlights the need for us to be of others too. We have had to importance of our self-care cognisant of the phenomenon undertake different methods to through the use of Winnicott’s of bereavement and loss and support our clients and accept wisdom and warns of the the different models available if they did not wish to proceed consequences when we let it to help clients. She also points with the alternative methods of slip or ignore the warning signs. out that we should explore our counselling. This left us holding Her piece is insightful and is a own experiences of bereavement them within our psyche, making timely reminder to us all in the and loss to ensure we have the contact to let them know that profession in the current climate. capacity to share our clients’ we had not forgotten them and The second article is based journey, so that as Mary writes, hoping this was enough to support on research carried out by Amy “a journey of two connecting them. For many therapists, this Sweetman and Dr. Siobáin hearts, the listening heart of the period has meant we have faced O’Donnell on non-death loss client and the bereaved heart of the challenges of adjusting to and grief and the effect of such the client.” Thus, really supporting different ways of practice and losses on psychotherapists. Their clients as they learn to cope with questioning if was this enough findings illustrate how those their loss. for those clients who were willing therapists’ emotions manifested On behalf of the editorial board to engage. This leads to the psychologically, cognitively, of the IJCP may I sincerely thank question: How have we been physically and behaviourally all the contributors to this edition looking after ourselves and and led onto their participants of the journal, especially during meeting our needs? experiencing a multitude of this present climate. Best wishes In the words of Thich Nhat Hahn, secondary losses. They looked to all of our readers in their “When we restore peace within at how these individuals found pursuits over the coming months ourselves, we have a chance to ways to cope and work through and may you all stay safe. restore peace within others”. As their losses, thus emphasizing the counsellors we are hardwired to importance of seeking support in Annette Murphy MIACP Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy 3 IJCP Volume 20 • Issue 3 • Autumn 2020 Contents From the Editor 3 Our Title In Autumn 2017, our title changed Love, Hate & Health Professionals 4 from “Éisteach” to “The Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy” By Dr Coleen Jones or “IJCP” for short. Non-Death Loss and Grief 8 Disclaimer: By Amy Sweetman and Dr Siobáin O’Donnell The views expressed in this publication, save where otherwise Perinatal Grief - A Profound and Complex Process 14 indicated, are the views of By Cathy Quinn contributors and not necessarily the views of the Irish Association for A Journey through Grief – Integration of Theory and Practice 20 Counselling and Psychotherapy. The By Mary Spring appearance of an advertisement in this publication does not necessarily Noticeboard 25 indicate approval by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy for the product or service advertised. Next Issue: 1st December 2020 Deadline for Advertising Submissions for Next Issue: 1st November 2020 For more information regarding advertising please contact Hugh O’Donoghue, Communications and Media Officer by email: [email protected] Editorial Board: or by phone: (01) 214 79 33 Mike Hackett (Chair), Cóilín Ó Braonáin, Hugh Morley, Maureen McKay Redmond, Kaylene Petersen (Assistant Editor), Annette Murphy (Editor), Scripts: Terry Naughton, Lynne Caffrey. Each issue of IJCP is planned well in Design and layout: advance of the publication date and GKD.ie some issues are themed. If you are interested in submitting an article ISSN: for consideration, responding to 2565-540X the Therapist’s Dilemma or wish to Advertising rates and deadlines: contribute a book or workshop review Contact the IACP for details. (Early booking essential) or Letter to the Editor, please see ‘Guidelines for Submitting Articles’ © Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy – IACP on the IACP website, www.iacp.ie. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in, or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, Contacting IJCP: photocopying, recording, or otherwise), except for brief referenced extracts for the purpose [email protected] of review, without the prior written permission of the copyright owners. Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy IJCP Volume 20 • Issue 3 • Autumn 2020 Practitioner Perspective Love, Hate & Health Professionals By Dr Coleen Jones and their patients as ‘clients’. This discussion is about the shadow side of ‘caring’. Often it is a simple misunderstanding of what ‘caring’ really means. It is a misunderstanding of how the mental state of seriously ill and troubled clients impacts on the well-being of the therapist. We live in a Western world purporting charitable, philanthropic and altruistic intentions in relation to others. This is a denial of the full range of emotions contained within our palette; both love and hate are present, and they are essential to our work. We need to have access to our fullness of being. It is my belief that we concern ourselves t present we are confronted by a world-wide with understanding both love and pandemic, which has placed psychotherapists and hate, generically speaking. A We are not living in the realm of other healthcare professionals in a most challenging rainbows and unicorns when we and demanding situation. The current situation often magically work with seriously ill or requires more of caring professionals than what they troubled clients, but rather face the blood and guts of turbulent are effectively able to give. In one way this quarantine emotions. There is no place for period is a creative void, allowing some individuals to sentimentality. It is dangerous rest and reflect, while others are stretched to breaking for both therapist and client, and in excess can lead to death. point. This means understanding what thoughts and emotions get stirred have worked for over 44 years the 'mental health' services. My up in the therapist by the client; I in the field of psychology, own training in psychodynamic thoughts and emotions which are counselling and psychotherapy. psychotherapy has alerted me often denied. Mostly the hour goes Half that time again I have worked to the implications of caring - by pleasantly and swiftly. It is the training therapists at university caring too much and caring too longer-term impact of the work that postgraduate level. I currently little – often at the expense needs to be understood. supervise the work of 'caring' of the counsellor, therapist, For this reason, I am turning professionals in a wide range of social-worker, psychiatrist inter to the seminal paper written by disciplines. What concerns me alia losing their life, sometimes Donald Winnicott called “Hate now is the extent of burnout, loss through suicide. Let me refer in the Countertransference” of life and the tragedy of suicide generically to all ‘caring’ (1947, p. 194). If you are in a wide range of professionals professionals in all disciplines reading this for the first time, working under the umbrella of in this article as ‘therapists’ please consider making a copy 4 Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy Volume 20 • Issue 3 • Autumn 2020 IJCP for every professional whom you unless the relationship is totally know including your GP as it may t is important that the confidential, well-grounded and save lives. It is equally useful to Itherapist is in touch the supervisor, a person who parents and practitioners. with and has worked has attended to their own old Following the atrocities through issues relating to wounds.