About the Author Introduction Nicolina Fedele, Ph.D., is a Clinical Associate at JeanBaker Miller has described an important the Stone Center for Developmental Services and Studies relational paradox: In the face of profound yearnings and Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at the Boston for connection and in order to connect to the only University School of Medicine. She is an Attending Psychologist at McLean Hospital where she does relational relationships available, we develop strategies that supervision on group psychotherapy. She was the keep more and more of ourselves out of connection Founding Director of the Women's Program and a Director (Miller,1988; Miller & Stiver, 1991; Stiver & Miller, of Psychology Training at Charles River Hospital in 1994).This paradox is also at the heart of a group Wellesley, Massachusetts. In her private practice, she experience. The ongoing process of connection, specializes in a relational approach to individual, couples, disconnection, and reconnection with the aim of and group therapy, and conducts consultations to hospitals, enlarging relational possibilities is the very essenceof day programs, counseling centers, internships, businesses, group work. colleges, and schools in the application of the relational In this paper, I will review first the relational model. model developed by Miller, Jordan, Stiver, and Surrey as it applies to group work. Second,I will touch on Abstract traditional and feminist theories of group therapy, This paper describes the differences between a emphasizing the contributions of a relational group relational group theory and more traditional approaches, theory .Third, I will examine three important and discusses how a relational approach grows out of a relational concepts: paradox, connection and feminist perspective. The core relational concepts applied to resonance. Finally, I will end with two clinical group process in this paper are paradox, connection, and examples of relational group process. resonance. The journey that Miller began with the publication of Towarda New Psychologyof Women(1976, 1987) and that continues in the work at the Stone Center has helped me understand relationships in both personal and professional settings. As a therapist, group therapist, teacher, consultant, and supervisor, I have found the relational model extremely helpful in understanding the relationships, conflicts, and dynamics that are fundamental elements in any group. This includes group therapy, supervision groups, working groups, training groups, consultation groups and larger communities, such as the feminist community. A model of relationships in groups is enhanced by a feminist perspective, but is applicable to all types of groups, including groups with men. (C)1994 Fedele,N. As a community, women have learned the Stone Center (through clinical understanding of powerful impact of groups, ranging from women's development) and by Carol Gilligan and her consciousness-raisinggroups of the seventies, therapy colleagues at the Harvard Project on Women's group, twelve-step groups, support groups, self-help Psychology and Girls' Development. The desire to groups, peer groups, supervision groups, training make connections and the movement toward groups to politically active groups like Mothers mutuality in those connections are at the heart of Against Drunk Driving MADD) and the Children's relational development as described by the Stone Defense Fund. Over the years, I have seen the need Center group. This relational movement is the focus for all women to connect with other women in order of the group therapy model discussed in this paper. to develop an adequate support network and to deal JeanBaker Miller (1986)in her paper "What do we with the severe pressures women face each day in a mean by relationships?" describes five qualities of societal structure that devalues them. These women growth-enhancing relationships that can also be include mothers, secretaries,therapists, homemakers, evident in therapy groups: First, women together administrators, lawyers, academics,teachers, and experience a high level of energy, or what she calls technicians. They are a true cross section of women zest. Second,women in a group who were stuck representing several racial and ethnic groups as well become empowered and get unstuck. Third, women as heterosexual and lesbian women. begin to understand themselves and other women One significant example of the importance of with more clarity. Fourth, all the members develop networks is the development of support groups for greater authenticity and self-worth. And fifth, because battered women. One way thesegroups help women of the positive experience in a group, women is by assisting them through the intricate maze of the experience a desire for more connection, both within legal system, which is extremely male-biased since the group and outside of the group. patriarchy is at the heart of the judicial system. How Relationships in groups are fertile with the many times have we been demoralized? How many relational paradox Miller first described in her paper stories have we heard about judges who were racist, "Connections, disconnections and violations" (1988). sexist, classist or homophobic? How many of us know This paradox states that during the course of our how awful it feels to support women through a system lifetime, in the desire to make connections and be where the safety of the outcome is uncertain, at best? emotionally accessible,we all experience harm or How many times must we hear about women as violation that leads to a need to develop strategies to victims of domestic violence? And yet, over and over keep large parts of ourselves out of connection. In the again the power of women connecting and resonating face of intense yearnings for connection and in order with each other gives us hope in the midst of such to remain in the only relationships available, we danger. At this very time, women are confronting the develop strategies that keep moreand moreof ourselves inequities and irresponsibility of the judicial system by out of connection. Simply put, the paradox is that in coming together and demanding changes. order to stay in connection, we keep parts of ourselves At the same time, there is a growing movement out of connection. among men to use groups as supportive relational Gilligan (1991)enhances our understanding by structures. A recent article by SteveKrugman and describing the central paradox of girls' development at Sam Osherson (1993)on men in group therapy adolescence:girls are cut off from their own illustrates this trend. In fact, it has become experienceby taking themselves out of authentic increasingly clear that old models of development and relationship for the sake of what looks like relationship do not address men's experience any relationships (Gilligan, Lyons, & Hammer, 1990). more than women's. Stiver (1990a;1990b) elaborates upon the strategies for disconnection in families with secretslike sexual abuse Relational development and movement or alcoholism. The strategies, though preferable to But how do relationships in groups provide a isolation, carry a big price tag- disconnection from potential for healing and empowerment? In order to one's self, lack of clarity about one's feelings, and a examine a model of group work enhanced by a senseof inauthenticity. Jordan describes the shame relational perspective, I will review the key points of that accompaniesthe disconnection as the loss of the relational model developed by the scholars at the empathic possibility, the loss, therefore, of the full 2.