ABSTRACT TITLE OF DISSERTATION: MINDING THE GAP: UNCOVERING THE LIVED EXPERIENCE OF STARTING A SCHOOL Debra Anne Felix Doctor of Philosophy 2014 Dissertation directed by: Professor Francine Hultgren Department of Teaching and Learning, Policy and Leadership This phenomenological study explores the lived experience of school founders. My work is guided by the research question: “What is the lived experience of school founders from the time they conceive of starting a school through the first year of operation?” As phenomenology demands, my work is grounded in philosophy, and I turn to the writings of a wide variety of philosophers to inform the hermeneutic interpretation of the text. For methodological guidance, I rely on the work of Max van Manen. Through the voices of participants, I excavate the essence of, and meaning beneath, their experiences. The school founders’ experiences share certain essential elements. Being caught in a gap between existing schools and the schools they imagine emerges as a central theme, as each school founder discovers one or more gaps in the educational landscape s/he then seeks to fill. The journey includes rebellion against established norms with a distinct philosophy and vision, and focus amidst a barrage of risks and naysayers. Beneath this lies a sense of purpose and an obligation to develop other people’s children. School founders’ experiences highlight various tensions in education today – the assumptions we make about “old” and “new” educational practices; how we select the values we wish to pass along to children; the ways in which we evaluate schools; the challenge of implementing new ideas; the role of parents in education; the lack of access many have to a free and appropriate education; and our general discomfort with change and reform. The pedagogical insights from this study lead me to suggest that school founders share their practices and advice with one another and with others to enhance both new and existing schools. I also suggest we re-visit how to assess hard-to-measure outcomes, how to involve parents more in education, and how to move ideas from theory to implementation. Finally, I encourage education leaders to transform the education mindset to one that allows for a greater diversity of school options and choices for the benefit of both teachers and students. MINDING THE GAP: UNCOVERING THE LIVED EXPERIENCE OF STARTING A SCHOOL By Debra A. Felix Dissertation submitted to the Faculty of the Graduate School of the University of Maryland, College Park, in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy 2014 Advisory Committee: Professor Francine Hultgren, Advisor and Chair Professor Caroline Eick Professor Steven Klees Professor Jennifer Rice Professor Kellie Rolstad © Copyright by Debra Anne Felix 2014 DEDICATION: To my Husband David Burke Hawver For being the best friend anyone could ever want ii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I offer thanks to my advisor, Dr. Francine Hultgren, for guiding and supporting me through all the challenges of the dissertation process. From moments of great struggle to times of celebration, Francine stood by my side patiently and encouraged me. My gratitude and appreciation also go to Francine for leading me along the phenomenological path. With Francine as my guide, the journey took me from a quantitative mindset and my own personal experiences to the writings of philosophers, and back again to join the world of educators with a deeper sense of the important work we do and how we might do it even more mindfully. To Dr. Jennifer Rice, my advisor for eight years, I am truly indebted. Whenever I needed anything, Jennifer was there for me. I also appreciate the courage and open- mindedness with which Jennifer joined my dissertation committee. To Dr. Caroline Eick, I offer sincere thanks for overseeing my first qualitative study, which I enjoyed enough to attempt this much larger one. Caroline’s detailed suggestions and scholarly insights on the first three chapters of this work, and her advice mid-project were extraordinarily helpful. To Dr. Kellie Rolstad, who fueled my interest in alternative forms of education and supported my most radical thoughts and findings during this study, I am truly grateful. To Dr. Mary Grace Snyder, my “Guardian Angel” throughout this process, I am thoroughly indebted for her wisdom, guidance, kindness, and encouragement as a teacher and friend. I would not have finished this dissertation without her generous and selfless support. I feel deep gratitude to the Howard Hughes Medical Institute, my employer of 11 years, for paying for my entire doctoral education. In particular, I am grateful to Dr. Jill Conley, my supervisor for eight years, who not only launched me on this journey, but supported me all the way through, and my extraordinary colleague and friend, Chad Gorski, who picked up the slack when needed, never complained, and never stopped cheering me on. Finally, my love and thanks to my family. To my parents, Anne and Bob Felix, and grandmother Grace Straw, for raising me to value education and to believe in myself. To my parents-in-law, Polly and Derek Hawver, for endless hours of listening and support and for helping me think through my findings. To my late grandfather-in-law, Carl Hawver, for emails full of sage advice to which I have continued to refer since he passed away three years ago. To my daughter Janet for her expert editing assistance and word selection advice, and son Kazz for offering me daily reminders of the real-world importance of what we do as educators. To my husband, David Hawver, for supporting this endeavor in ways too numerous to count, from being a devoted husband and father to offering understanding in light of the inevitable sacrifices that come with this work. iii TABLE OF CONTENTS CHAPTER 1: SEEKING A SCHOOL OF DREAMS: TURNING TO THE PHENOMENON 1 The Search for Alternatives 5 Challenging Beliefs and Assumptions 9 My Schooling Experience 13 Obedience 14 The Disappearance of Joy 15 Joy Rediscovered Briefly 16 Compliance 19 A Lasting Inspiration 20 Becoming an Educator 21 Discipline and Conformity 21 First Steps 24 The Search Continues 26 The Conflicted Self 32 A Parent's Perspective 35 Where are all the Engaging Schools? 38 Where are all the Peaceful Schools? 40 Where are the Schools in which a Child Can Be Well? 43 Building a School of Dreams 45 My Experience as a Scholar and Professional 46 What the Experts Say 46 Where Are the Schools That Listen? 50 Changing Minds 51 Why Not Change Existing Schools? 52 The Chairs on the Titanic 53 Old Wine in New Bottles 54 Imagining a School of Dreams 56 The Last Straw 57 Exploring an Experience: Van Manen’s Methodological Guidelines 60 iv CHAPTER 2: STARTING SOMETHING: UNPACKING THE PHENOMENON 64 Open Versus Start 64 Opening a School 65 Starting a School: Surprise, Risk, and Creation 66 Surprise 66 Risk 68 Create 72 Out with Open, In with Start 75 What is a School? 76 A Place 78 Alternatives to the Homeschool and Traditional School 79 Charter Schools Defined 81 Private Schools Defined 88 The Agent – The School Founder 90 Motivators 90 Slow Change to Imagination 92 Taking Action – Becoming an Educational Pioneer 96 Seeking a School of Dreams 100 Becoming a Renegade and Reaching the Point of No Return 101 CHAPTER 3: HERMENEUTIC PHENOMENOLOGY: PHILOSOPHICAL GROUNDINGS AND METHODOLOGY 106 Finding a Research Methodology 106 The Search for Truth 107 Human Science Research 113 Phenomenology and Its Essence 114 Lived Experience 116 Discovery of the Essence 118 The Subjective Nature of Experience 121 Hermeneutics and Interpretation 122 The Hermeneutic Process 124 The Lived Existentials of Meaning 127 Lived Space (Spatiality) 128 Lived Body (Corporeality) 131 Lived Time (Temporality) 133 Lived Relation (Relationality) 134 v No Last Word 135 Hermeneutic Phenomenological Methodology 136 Turning to the Phenomenon 137 Focus on The Lived Experience 138 Reflecting on Themes 139 The Art of Writing and Rewriting 140 Maintaining a Strong and Oriented Relation 142 Considering Parts and Whole 143 The Process of Engagement 144 Selection of Participants 144 A Theory of Engagement 147 Conversations 148 Identifying and Reflecting on Themes 152 The Path Forward 153 CHAPTER 4: MINDING THE GAP 154 Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place 156 Todd: A Model of Success? 157 Mary: For God and Money 159 Joe: To Go or Not to Go 161 Fred: A School for the Gordons 163 Creating New Worlds 165 Feeling the Gap 167 Uncovering the Gaps 167 Gaps of Nothingness 172 “Minding” the Gap 176 Minds Aware 176 Minds Dare 183 Minding the Risk 195 The Mindedness of Caring 198 Caring for Other People’s Children 200 Caring for One Another 208 Do You Mind? - Obligation and Purpose 210 A Calling? 211 Obligation 212 vi Minding the Unthinkable 216 Purpose 222 CHAPTER 5: MINDFULNESS IN EDUCATION: ADDRESSING COMPETING TENSIONS 226 New Answers to Old Tensions 227 The New/Old Tension 228 New Good, Old Bad 231 The Power of Words 234 Change and the Brand New 237 The “Basic Values” Tension 240 The Evaluation/Success Tension 244 Existing Evaluation and Reform 245 Testing Limits and Alternative Assessments 248 The Difficult to Measure 254 Open-Minded Evaluation 258 The Tension of Implementation 260 Parent Involvement Tensions 263 The Power of Parents 264 Silent Parents 266 The Access Tension 268 The Myth of the Free and Appropriate Education 269 School Choice 277 The Tension Surrounding Reform 280 Changing the Old 284 Expunging the Old 288 On Becoming Mindful 289 APPENDIX A: INVITATION TO PARTICIPATE 293 APPENDIX B: CONSENT FORM 294 REFERENCES 296 vii CHAPTER 1: SEEKING A SCHOOL OF DREAMS: TURNING TO THE PHENOMENON “Do you want to know what I really think?” our professor offered in response to a classmate's query about the impact of American schools on the children who attend them.