Relaxation and Self-calming Relaxation There has been a lot of research carried out into the beneficial effects of relaxation in dealing with the physical and psychological effects of stress. Making sure that you relax frequently and fully is likely to help protect you against the health-threatening effects of stress. When we relax our breathing and heart rate slows, our blood pressure decreases, our muscles become less tense and we may find that we can switch off from worrying thoughts. Relaxation can be an effective way of dealing with stress. Regular and frequent use of relaxation has been found to help with mental alertness, concentration and memory. It has also been found to promote good physical health. Relaxation has an important part to play in having a healthy body and healthy mind. Everybody has there own favourite way of relaxing. Many leisure pursuits can help us to relax. Whether it’s angling or walking, needlework or model making, stamp collecting or playing an instrument, watching television or listening to music, going to the pictures or going to a football match, a quiet evening in or visiting friends – all of these activities can be useful ways of helping us to unwind and relax. It is certainly important to ensure that you make time for leisure in your lives. It is also important to make time for relaxation during periods when you are working, whether that work is inside or outside the home. This might mean making sure that you have lunch and tea breaks. Such breaks from work give us the opportunity to have “time out” and can allow us to recharge our batteries before returning to work. Pacing yourself in this way can help you to avoid becoming over-stressed and, thus, you are likely to be able to work more efficiently and effectively. In addition to those informal ways of relaxing that are described above, some people also find it helpful to use more formal relaxation methods. You might, for example, experiment with using a relaxation tape on a regular basis. Alternatively, you might experiment with yoga or meditation. Such techniques can, with practice, help us to become more fully and deeply relaxed so that we feel refreshed and revitalised afterwards. You can also use formal relaxation as a way of helping you to a better night’s sleep. One important thing to know about relaxation is that it is a skill and, like any skill, the more you practice the more skilful you can become. Making sure that you create time in your day for relaxation is an important part of having a healthy lifestyle. And people who relax regularly and frequently tend to be generally calmer and more able to cope with stress. 1 Self-Calming We can also make use of relaxation skills in specific situations where we wish to calm ourselves. There are many different types of situations where we can benefit from developing greater control over our physical and psychological reactions. These include when we feel frightened or anxious, when we feel stressed or under pressure, and when we feel irritable or bad-tempered. People sometimes think that their reactions are not under their control in such situations. However, it is possible to develop much greater control over our reactions through the use of a variety of self-calming techniques. As with general relaxation skills, becoming really effective and skilled at self- calming is a matter of practice. The more you practice, the more skilful you can become. There are many possible techniques that we can apply to change our physical and emotional experience. Indeed, you might even find that you already use some of these techniques without being aware that you are doing so. You can make them even more effective, however, if you use them intentionally. With practice, they can become a very powerful way to transform your experience. Listed below are some of the basic approaches. Allow yourself to experiment with each of these approaches in order to discover those that suit you best. You may find that some work well at certain times and others are more useful at other times. 1. Focussing One mistake that people sometimes make when they are trying to relax is to try too hard. The thing to remember about being calm is that it is a state we are able to achieve much of the time without even trying. We often don’t notice that we were feeling calm until we start feeling “worked up”. So, rather than trying to relax, experiment with a slightly different approach – allow yourself to relax. You can do this by just focussing on a part of your experience for a short while. With your breathing, for example, you probably know that a calm style of breathing involves breathing relatively deeply and slowly. Rather than deliberately changing your breathing, instead notice different things about your breathing. Take time to notice as you breathe in and as you breathe out. Notice the speed of your breathing (fast or slow?). Notice how deep you are breathing (up from your chest or down from your diaphragm?). Notice the rhythm of your breathing (irregular or smooth?). Notice the temperature of your breath (warm or cool?). You may well find that your breathing will change simply by paying attention to it for a short time. People often find that focussing their attention in this way allows their breathing to slow and deepen and they tend to feel calmer as a consequence. 2 2. Using “anchors” We have a great ability to automatically respond in a particular way to something with which we are familiar. For example, particular smells often conjure up strong pictures or feelings. A particular phrase or tone of voice can lead us to instantly respond with feelings of happiness or anger or fear. The sight of someone or something familiar to us can also lead us to strong and automatic reactions of various kinds. So, how can we use this to our advantage when it comes to calming ourselves? We can do this by setting anchors for the experience of being calm. “Anchors” are sounds, sights feelings, smells or tastes which lead automatically to a particular response. Almost anything can be an anchor for feelings of calmness. However, it is important to choose something that is meaningful to you. The first thing you need to do is to “set up” some anchors. You can do this by taking some time to let yourself develop feelings of calmness and relaxation. You might do this by focussing on your breathing or by imagining being in a relaxing situation (such as on a beach or in the countryside) or by recalling a time when you felt really calm and confident (perhaps in the face of adversity). Let yourself fully experience feelings of calmness and enjoy those sensations for a little while. Now, experiment with the following: Word Anchor Repeat the word “relax” to yourself every time that you breathe out. And, every time that you breathe out, allow yourself to relax even more. (If you don’t like the word “relax”, try a different word or sound). Notice how the word or sound goes along with feelings of relaxation for you. Colour Anchor Choose a particular colour that seems to go along with your feelings of relaxation. Imagine that every time that you breathe in you are breathing in this colour. Imagine that colour spreading through your body, entering every part of your body and notice how you can become increasingly relaxed as you breathe in this colour. Hand Anchor As you enjoy your feelings of relaxation, gently squeeze the thumb and middle finger of your right (or left) hand. Notice how squeezing your fingers together appears to link with feelings of relaxation. Concentrate on this for a while. (As an alternative to squeezing your fingers together, you might try opening and stretching the fingers of your hand or gently clenching your fist. The important 3 thing is to do something that is easy to remember and that can be done in exactly the same way every time you practice). There are all sorts of possible anchors to choose from. The important thing to remember is that, in order to develop a good strong positive anchor, it is helpful to repeat this exercise on a frequent basis. In this way, your unconscious will learn that feelings of calmness automatically go along with your anchor. Through doing this, you can use your anchor whenever and wherever you need it so that you can get into a calm state easily and at will. So, if you find that you want to feel calmer, recall your anchor by, for example, repeating the word “relax” to yourself in time with your breathing, and/or breathing in your colour of relaxation and/or by squeezing your thumb and finger together. And remember again the feelings of relaxation that go along with your anchor. In this way, you can take more control over your physical and psychological reactions to potentially stressful situations. Indeed, you may well find that, because you are able to remain calmer, the situation doesn’t seem to be as stressful any more. People who use anchors sometimes find that the more they use them, the easier it becomes. In fact, in time just thinking about using your anchor can be enough to switch you into a calmer state. 3. Changing your physical experience Your unconscious mind is very suggestible. If you tell it in a convincing way that you are experiencing something, then your body will often end up having that experience.