PUBLISHED BY THE STUDENTS OF TRINITY COLLEGE SINCE 1904 Crimtp %itp VOL. CI,NO. 18 APRIL 4, 2006 WWW.TRINITYTRIPOD.COM Ice Rink Plans Put On Hold Indefinitely ens me." ByBENLEONG "We understand that this is a TALL PERSON controversial decision," the presi- dent of the school said. "However, After much debate, the Board of we have a responsibility to the entire Trustees has come to a hotly con- college, not just two teams. The tested decision that instead of build- income that will be brought in from ing the multi-million dollar Hockey this night club will be extremely rink it will instead become a three- lucrative." story night club. This controversial The school has plans to make a decision is said to be in an effort to three-tier night club bar, to be called help relieve Trinity College's recent The Night Cock. The first floor will and well-publicized budget crisis. be primarily a bar and dance club, This recent development has the second floor a casino, while the rocked the Trinity community, the top third floor will be a strip club. Men's and Women's Hockey teams "It's a little bit of everything," being the staunchest opponents of the president said. "We have an this decision. The rink has been exclusive agreement with Mohegan under construction for several Sun and the State of Connecticut to •H •: ? months now, but the bedrock for the have a casino on the second floor, r i'.wr 1-VJSW actual rink has not been laid yet, giving Trinity Students everything allowing for the structure to easily that they need: drinking, dancing, be turned into one of Hartford's gambling and of course strippers." largest night clubs and bars. The proximity of the new bar, Annie Leibovitz "I'm extremely appalled at this casino, strip club is a huge plus for Benjamin Leong '06 takes a time-out with the Right Said Fred brothers after a concert. decision," Monty Pennybacker, a the drinking student body, giving the prestigious Trinity alum said. "I've Tap some daunting competition, supported the hockey team for over something that Trinity students are Spring Weekend 2006 Free 40 years, and after donating my pre- excited about. cious time and effort to get this rink "Based on the disgusting built,' fo have it ripped out of our amount of underclassmen that have hands in favor of some bar, it sick- continued on Page 2 Thanks to Graduating Senior brilliant time at their last Spring fantastic. I'll just say, the girls are By LINDSAY NORTH Weekend." going to love it. There's going to be •ttS&tafffitfStbggffig after the show." In a surprise announcement over Richard and Fred Fairbrass, topped Students speculated that boy-band the weekend, TCAC announced that the American charts in 1991, a feat Westlife or even Blue, the band amidst budgetary crises, Trinity that hadn't been achieved by a from the film Love Actually, could could no longer afford to pay for British band since the Beatles. be possible openers. Spring Weekend and therefore had Leong, an avid fan, proclaimed his TCAC member and Freshman had to cancel all events. However, enthusiasm immediately following Class President Daniel Hoyle is in an unexpected move, the campus the press conference. apparently sitting in on the contract was informed hours later that Spring "Right Said Fred is totally negotiations, but could not be Facebook Cut Due Weekend had been saved by none underrated, man. Their stuff is reached for comment at the time of other than the band Right Said Fred, deep. Did you know that they wrote publication. of "I'm Too Sexy" fame, who had "I'm Too Sexy" after visiting a gym "What I want to know, is how To Budget, Just decided to perform for free in the and seeing male models working does Ben know Right Said Fred, and headlining slot on Sunday. out? The song is a total satire and why didn't he tell us?" said sopho- The band held a short press no one ever realized it. I mean, I more Ashley Bell. According to Like Everything release in the Washington Room think that some guys on this campus friends of Leong, Ben has been a after the announcement, focusing could learn something from [band long-time fan of the band and they mainly on their connection to the members] Richie and Fred." Zeta noticed his enthusiasm as his face Else At Trinity Trinity campus and what led them to sister Geoff Schneider '06 was appeared in the front row concert decide to donate their time and artis- quick to echo this sentiment. "Some after concert. and now, some say that this sub- tic talent to our Spring Weekend. of the guys on this campus are so By BIG DADDY KANE culture has found a willing "Ben's a great chap," said Fred into themselves. I'm a guy and I OLD SCHOOL RAPPER foothold in Facebook. A number of "Well, our mate Big Ben [Benjamin Fairbrass. "He's got a great ear for concerned parents have found Leong '06] gave us a ring after the notice it, and frankly, it's pretty music, and he continued to listen to Trinity's favorite online obses- ways to enter their children's announcement and we knew we had revolting. I can't imagine how the us long after we weren't trendy. sion may be in danger of falling Facebook accounts, appalled to to do something. We've heard so girls on campus feel." He's a true fan, so finally we off the Web. In the past two or so find that a vast number of their much about Trinity and it sounded Right Said Fred is currently in brought him up onstage at one of years that Facebook has been in children are involved in Facebook like the type of crowd who would negotiations to sign an opening act, our shows, and the rest is history." existence, Facebook engineer homosexual relationships. really appreciate our music, and it though they are keeping the name Regardless of their personal history, Mark Zuckerberg has been sued by "An open relationship, was total bollocks that Benny and under wraps for now. Said Richard, Trinity students now owe a huge multiple groups, concerned that nonetheless!" cried a New Jersey all of his friends who are graduating "We want it to be a surprise for all of debt to Right Said Fred and Leong Facebook may be promoting an mother. "I don't even know what from Uni this year wouldn't have a the students, but the band is bloody for saving Spring Weekend. unsafe, reckless culture with poli- that means, but it can't be good." tics all its own. Sure enough, the Yet other conservative Zuckerberg-created universe is lit- A quick reference of what's inside, so your Christian groups are accusing "free hand can keep doin' what it's doin'! tered with tales of trauma-by- Facebook of encouraging inappro- Inside Facebook, and the Tripod has dug priate touching between students. deep to uncover them. Anne Paisley, head of the Spring Fashions Whore-o-scopes Ed's-itorial 2 Concerned Parents Against Coalition for Limiting Adolescent Our Features Editors are on top Read inside for this weeks Whore- Mothballs 3 Celery 7 Facebook Poking (the CLAP), has con- of all of this Spring's latest fash- o-scope. Find out when and how Hulk Hogan 11 The "homosexual agenda" has ions, including hard pink nipples you will die and how your next demned poking as "just a very Yeast Infections 12 been a topic of concern for many and their tassles and a million toothbrusbing will lead to you get- Mr. Greenjeans 16 continued on Page 2 ways to wear your foreskin. ting a venereal diseasev conservative Christian groups -• Meaning of Life 20 pageY page 0666 S9*«8»«iiB8iSK B THE TRINITY TRIPOD EDITORIAL APRIL 4, 2006 Ice Rink Becomes a Lucrative Night Spot continued from page 1 "This is an extreme example of the college not making the correct been able to get into the Tap this decision," Pippy Hippiliberal said, Ashley Bell '08 David Pietrocola '08 year, this "Night Cock" seems like president of the feminist sorority Zoltan. DOMINATRIX AMATEURS TECHNICIAN something I could really grow accustomed to," an unidentified, but "A strip club to help raise money BARELY LEGAL TWINS PROPHYLACTIC PROPRIETORS XXX WEBMASTER confirmed hot junior said. "I love to for the school? This is a disgrace to Adrienne Gaffney '07 JoeTarzi'08 Mike Bojko '08 get drunk and I love to gamble occa- the Trinity community, not to men- Bill Cosgroue '08 Ed Walters'08 sionally, so 1 don't see what could tion women. Women are not objects." TOY DISTRIBUTORS be better. I don't really care about THE TALENT INTERNATIONAL ORGASM Nikunj Oli '08 the hockey rink not being there, they "Oh, they're just mad because Jenny Moor '08 VOICEOVERS Clay Smith '08 have that King-place that they skate they're too ugly to get into The Lizzie Brown '09 Katy Nolin '08 in already." Night Cock," President said. John Rendeiro '09 WARDROBE ENDURANCE Several hockey players have "Women of Trinity College have the DP ADMINISTRATORS TESTER expressed serious concern about not opportunity to earn some extra Geoff Schneider '06 GRIP Chelsea Naftelberg '09 getting the rink that they were prom- money stripping at our establish- Jason Acunzo '08 Lauren Turlik '09 ised. ment, but obviously hairy-armpit HENTAI ARTIST "This is complete bull," a hock- chicks like Pippy will not be extend- NIGHT VISION FLUTTERS Tim Margolin '08 ey player said.