Designs on Golf • ARCHITECTURE lorking with behav- ioral scientists at the University of Phoe- Answer 'Yes' and nix, I have devised a series of carefully crafted questions that You're in Trouble will help determine whether you should be seeking employment elsewhere. BY GEOFF SHACKELFORD For anyone in the golf industry who has disavowed the use of astrologers or psychics retired, B) working from home near the in favor of gut instincts, this exam provides course or, C) in-between jobs? ("Yes" to a fast and simple way to determine if the more than two counts as five.) new boss is going to make your life hell. Question 6: Does the new chairman speak of While the test is about green chairmen this his love for Harley Davidson motorcycles only time, the scientists see this exam as a practi- to reveal that he has a bike shipped to Sturgis, cal application for better understanding S.D., for the annual rally? (If he ships the bike, superiors in all fields of golf course mainte- that counts as six "yes" answers.) nance and design. Question 7: Has the new man in charge ever Here's how it works. HAS YOUR NEW looked at your retro half-and-half fairway If the answer to any of the following cut style and asked why mowers missed part questions is "yes," expect possible conflict. BOSS EVER ASKED of the hole? Two "yes" answers, and resume refresh- Question 8: Has he ever asked where he ing is recommended. Three "yes" answers WHERE HE COULD could buy, A) his own Stimpmeter or, should compel you to start scouring job list- B) his own TruFirm green firmness measur- ings immediately, while four or more "yes" ing device, the relatively new gadget devel- replies suggest that you start cleaning out BUY HIS OWN oped by the USGA's Matt Pringle for use at your desk ASAP. major championships but not yet available on Good luck! STIMPMETER? the market? One "yes" for the Stimpmeter re- Question 1: Docs your new boss speak of quest, four "yeses" if he asks about TruFirm. wanting to play a pro-am round with Phil Question 9: Does he claim to be a vegetar- Mickelson? If the answer is an enthusiastic "yes" ian out of protest for animal cruelty while and he mentions Phil's devotion to family and wearing alligator-skin Footjoys or driving a Exxon-Mobil, count it as three "yes" votes. car with leather seats? Question 2: Does the new man in charge either Question 10: Has he ever admitted to reading A) smoke cigars in your presence, B) spit regu- golf magazine instruction? (Worth one "yes.") larly, Q try in any way to act like a cowboy while If he's rumored to have a collection of all of either, 1) wearing a $ 150 golf shirt 2) typing on Golf Magazine's tips filed in orderly fashion, a Blackberry or 3) driving a car valued at more that's the equivalent of five "yes" replies. than $75,000? ("Yes" to any combination counts Question 11: Have you ever heard the new « m honcho reveal the exact number of golf as one yes. ) architecture books he owns or has read? Question 3: Has the new man in charge called more than two times on a non-emcr- Question 12: Does his spouse, partner, gency basis in the same day? girlfriend, life partner or beloved niece play es Question 4: Does he only take a golf car golf? If so, that's worth six "y " answers. If when he plays golf? (Medical exemptions she beats him regularly or has a lower handi- are accepted only in the event of lost limbs cap than him, then put down your pen or having been operated on more than three immediately and flee the building. times.) Question 5: Is the new boss either. A) Shackelford can be reached at geoJjshac@ao/.c\corn. .