Volume IX Issue No. 11 November 1-30, 2004 ELEVEN YEARS AND COUNTING November Anniversaries just want to know if the chicken is on our DISCLAIMER side of the road or not. The T.E.A.M. Cent Staff does not assume liability in any way for anyt hing print ed, inferred, or diagramed in T.E.A.M. Four Years: Mike Diehl chicken is either with us or against us. Cents. If at any time you find anything you read in T.E.A.M.; There's no middle ground here. Cents offensive, then by all means, stop reading immediately. If you should happen to be inadvertently offended, and continue to Two Years: Brad Hardy read, you do so at your own risk. If you continue to read this offensive material yourself, and your lips move while you read, and Juanita Flores JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the you are in the room with anyone who is able to read lips, then, chicken cross the road, I'm now YOU not US, are responsible for offending them. The stories and characters you read about in T.E.A.M. Cents are purely fictional. One Year: Dennis Lynch against it! Any similarity to real people, living or dead, places and events, are merely coincidental. Russ Lienman BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- with THAT chicken. What do you mean !!!!!!ALL EMPLOYEES ARE November Birthdays by chicken? Could you define chicken REQUIRED TO WORK ONE SHIFT please? ON BLACKOUT DAYS.!!!!!!!!!!!! _________________________________ Roger Rice 11/01 David Sharp 11/05 AL GO RE: I invented the chicken. I Gilbert M urillo 11/05 invented the road. Therefore, the IKEA MAY HAVE US WORKING Robert Pulido 11/06 chicken crossing the road represented the MO ST OF THE W EEKENDS UNTIL application of these two JANUARY 2005. THESE Alan Vela 11/08 different functions of government in a new, WEEKENDS THAT WE ARE Matt Butcher 11/08 reinvented way designed to WORKING WILL BE BLACKOUT Richard Simmons 11/09 DAYS AND ENFORCED AS SUCH. Jimmy Kaleta 11/12 bring greater services to the American Jerry Deines 11/13 people. Daniel Waisner 11/15 NOVEMBER BLACKOUT DAYS Roger Coulter 11/18 RALPH NADER: The chicken's habitat on Robert Erdmann 11/19 the original side of the road had 11/19 - Scorpions/Tesla @ Cricket Britten Van Horn 11/24 been polluted by unchecked industrialist Shane Yoacham 11/24 greed. The chicken did not reach DECEMBER BLACKOUT DAYS Frank Herbert 11/26 the unspoiled habitat on the other side of Jesse Lara 11/26 the road because it was crushed 12/01 to 12/03 - M ill Ave. Arts Fest @ Jason Fro seth 11/26 by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV. Mill Avenue in Gary Crakow 11/27 Downtown Tempe Gatlyn Sloane 11/27 COLIN POW ELL: To the left of the Candice Slaton 11/28 screen, you can clearly see the satellite 12/31/04 - Tostitos Block Party @ John Titdwell 11/28 image of the chicken crossing the road. Downtown Tempe. Jeff Guebera 11/29 ALL EMPLOYEES ARE PAT BU CHAN AN: To steal a job from a REQUIRED TO WORK decent, hardworking American. NEW YEARS EVE. NO Lane’s Lines EXCEP TION S!!!!! RUSH LIM BAUGH: I don't know why the WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet THE ROAD? it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone GEORGE W BUSH: We really don 't out there is already forming a support care why the chicken crossed the road. group to help chickens with We crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this time, the heartwarming story accounts. It is imp ortant to me and to can real Americans take? Chickens of how it overcame a serious case of TEAM as a business that I receive input crossing the road paid for by their tax molting and went on to accomplish its from you co ncerning these events. I try to dollars, and when I sa y tax dollars, I'm lifelong dream of crossing the road. keep my cell phone open for calls and talking about your money, money questions. the governm ent took from you to build JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the roads for chickens to cross. chickens crossing roads in peace. Here is a small sample: ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens “The client needed extra help with set up. rain. Alone. to cross the road. She didn’t have enough people to get all the tables, glassware, silverware ready on MARTHA STEWART: If the chicken KARL MARX: It was a historical time.” crossed the road on m y property, I'd be inevitability. TEAM Security fully justified in blocking its exit until the stepped in and the event was a success local authorities could SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an arrive to arrest it for trespassing. I'm a unprovoked act of rebellion and we were “I didn’t realize that the location was so far priv ate p erso n and shouldn't quite away” have to be subjected to the "innocent justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas The guard was mistakes" of common chickens. on it. 30 minutes late to post but the THE BIBLE: And God came down from VOLTAIRE: I may not agree with what event manager Heaven, and he said unto the chicken: the chicken did, but I will defend to was called and "Thou shalt cross the road." And the the death its right to do it. notified of the chicken didst cross the road, and delay. there was much rejoicing. CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. “There is another event going on at this JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken location and ________ (another security was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you FREU D: The fact that you are at all company) is already here.” people see the plain truth in front of your concerned that the chicken crossed the Contact the face? The chicken was going to road reveals your underlying sexual event coordinator listed on the briefing the "other side." That's what "they" call it insecurity. sheet. -the "other side." Yes, my Everyone was friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you BILL GATES: I have just released connected to the right people in spite of all eat that chicken, you'll become eChicken 2004, which will not only cross the gay too. I say we boycott all chickens roads, but will lay eggs, file your confusion. until we sort out this abomination important documents, and balance your that the liberal media whitewashes with checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an Again, as you work your shift(s) please seemingly harmless phrases like inextricable part of eChicken. remember that the greatest thing you are "the other side." guarding is the reputation of this company. EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross It is truly wonderful to see our guards show DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the the road or did the road move up with neat clo thing and appearance, all road? beneath the chicken? the necessary equipment and with an Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The understanding of what the responsibilities chicken crossed the road, But why it LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The "road," you are. Please keep up the good wo rk. Your crossed, I've not been told! will see, represents the black man. The efforts are noticed and appreciated. Those chicken crossed the "black man" in order of you that have stepped up to a higher MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I to trample him and keep him down. standard of professionalism will quickly see envision a wo rld where all chickens will yourselves outdistance the few that have be COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one? not risen to the challenge. free to cross ro ads without having their Lane motives called into question. ..."Not too much to share with my fellow Johnson’s Journal GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask TEAMates. As the Holidays approach, why the chicken crossed the road. please remember those that are less Just want to thank everyone for accepting Someone told us that the chicken crossed fortunate that you. Please keep in your me as one of your schedulers, the road, and that was good enough hearts our troops stationed in the middle regardless of what kind of new uniforms I for us. east. Remember their sacrifices and the am trying to get T.E.A.M. switched reasons for these sacrifices. over to or what Isaac says about me!! I am BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that sure I have already talked to interesting? In a few moments we will be I want to thank the many employees that most of you, but for those who haven't, talk listening to the chicken tell, for the first have worked shifts that were my to ya soon! Richard Johnson business, but to give Mick a chance to To my house for which I yearn. give something back to the employees And to my family whom I love. Hey now I'm free -- Give back my glove !! Swanson’s Song that make this co mpany what it is. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves and you are here to attend next years celebration. Marlies’s Notes I recently had a conversation with a new Company business: Well It’s that time again, and guess what? I employee that I would like to share with Every now and then I hear crazy rumors know what I am going to write about: you.