S You are the evil scientist of your desires. - Ignacio Rivera Congratulations! You have made a real commitment to yourself and your relationship in one of the most beautiful ways. This commitment speaks volumes about your priorities of self-care and connection- Brava! Talking about sex is not easy in relationships and yet it is one of the most important keys to long-term relationship satisfaction. Use this guide to help you get brave, make clear requests, listen and connect with your partner’s needs- and hopefully implement powerful and passionate change in your sex life. In order to create change we must first be open to it. But in my work with clients I notice a few blocks often get in the way. I wanted to warn you about these in case you encounter them as you work on your sexual connection. A couple tips to help you through the workbook: Take it slow You could choose to blow through the workbook in one sitting- but the best practice is to sit with it a few pages a day to let your awareness grow gently. Think bigger The single greatest limiting belief I encounter is an internal voice saying “I already know this” It’s true- some of the things we will go over may be lessons you have heard in the past. My guess is if you stay open and curious as a learner you will find ways to integrate the lesson, and may learn at a deeper level this go around. Try it. We rarely take time to intentionally apply the truths we know of S relationships to our own lives or practices. Instead of saying “I already know this” Ask yourself, “what can I learn from this”? Try to see the information from a new angle or with new appreciation. Try, try again A similar limiting belief can come in the form of “I already tried this” or “This won’t work for me” Instead, try to stay open and curious as a learner and ask yourself, “how can this work for me?” Even if you have tried something similar before, you are a different person than you were then- and your ability to move toward happiness may be different now. Challenge yourself to try it out anyway. Nothing is too simple Finally, one of the other limiting beliefs clients encounter in this work is “this is too simple.” Strange but true, the ease of these practices leads many of! us to take a relaxed approach when applying them. We think they’re too simple to make a real difference- and we are totally wrong. This process is filled with tiny tweaks you can do to make real change in your sexual connection. Don’t let the ease fool you- staying committed to this process will help you get and stay clear. With that premise, the biggest secret to success with this tool is so simple you might roll your eyes- but try it out because it works: write it down. If you need help working through it, or want to deepen your work with a coaching session, do not hesitate to contact me. I want this to be a season of strength and togetherness for you! Gina S Sex-positive feminism embraces the entire range of human sexuality and is based on the idea that sexual freedom is an essential component of women's freedom. - Madison Young My Sexual Interest Checklist Rate the materials below from 1-5 (1= doesn’t turn me on, 5= really hot) based on how these actions interest you in the giving, receiving, and watching role. There are no right or wrong answers. Note any curiosities or questions in the final column for further discussion and exploration. Also note any specifics related to your response (ex: yes, I would like hot wax on my thighs, but not my chest or stomach). When you’re done, circle three to five favorites and write in a little more detail or how, when, and where you might want to enact these desires. You may want to download the Consent Worksheet to help you talk through these with your partner. Action, Scene, Behavior Giving Receivin Watchin Curiou Notes & Body Part g g s Anal Sex Anal Play Other Anal: Bathing Together Begging Biting: Blindfolds: Body Modification- Branding S Body Modification- Piercing Body Modification- Injection Body Modification- Scarification Body Modification- Tattooing Body Modification- Other: Body Modification- Other: Bondage- General Bondage- Cuffs Bondage- Genital Bondage- Artistic Bondage- Inverted Suspension Bondage- Locks Bondage- Spreader Bars Bondage- Stocks Bondage- Straight Jacket Bondage- Suspension Bondage- Whole Body Breath Play Breast Torture Butt Plugs Catheters Cells/Closets Chastity Belts Clothespins Clothing- Chosen For Clothing- Corsets Clothing- Hoods Clothing- Harnesses Clothing- High Heels Clothing- Lingerie Clothing- Masks Clothing- Swap Clothing- Uniforms Clothing- Other: Clothing- Other: Clothing- Other: Cock and Ball Torture Collars- Private Collars- Public Costumes Crawling S Cutting Dilation- Anal Dilation- Vaginal Dildos Discipline Drinking- Semen Drinking- Urine Drinking- Other: Eggs (Sex Toy) Electricity Enemas Erotic Fiction Erotic Poetry Examination- Physical Examination- Other: Exhibitionism- Forced Exhibitionism- Voluntary Exhibitionism- Other: Exotic Dancing Face Slapping Fingering- Anal Fingering- Vaginal Fisting- Anal Fisting- Vaginal Food- Chosen For Food- From Body Food- From Bowl Food- From Hand Food- Other: Food- Other: Furry Play Gags- General Gags- Ball Gags- Bit Gags- Ring Gags- other: Given Away Golden Showers Grappling Hair Pulling Hair removal- Plucking Hair Removal- Shaving S Hair Removal- Waxing Hair Removal- Other: Hand Jobs Heterosexuality- Forced Heterosexuality- Voluntary Heterosexuality- Other: Homosexuality- Forced Homosexuality- Voluntary Homosexuality- Other: Horse Play Hot Tubs Humiliation- Private Humiliation- Public Humiliation- Verbal Humiliation- Other: Hypnosis Impact Play- General Impact Play - Canes Impact Play - Crops Impact Play - Floggers Impact Play - Hairbrushes Impact Play - Paddles Impact Play - Spanking Impact Play - Straps Impact Play - Whips Impact Play - Other: Impact Play - Other: Including Other Partners Kidnapping (Each Other) Kneeling Leashes Lecturing Licking Manicures Massage Masturbation- Forced Masturbation- Mutual Masturbation- Voluntary Masturbation- Other: Mummification Nipple Clamps Nipple Play S Nudity- Forced Nudity- Voluntary Orgasm- On Command Orgasm Control Orgasm Denial Outdoor Sex Pain- General Pain- Sharp Pain- Dull Pain- Other: Pedicures Phone Sex Photography- Private Photography- Shared Porn- Watching Type: Porn- Watching Type: Porn- Watching Type: Power Play Puppy Play Rape- Fantasy Rape- Gang Fantasy Role-play- General Role-play- Age Role-play- Animal: Role-play- Interrogation Role-play- Medical Role-play- Prison Role-play- Religious Role-play- Other: Role-play- Other: Role-play- Other: Scat Play Sensation Play- General Sensation Play- Deprivation Sensation Play- Fire Sensation Play- Hot Wax Sensation Play- Ice Sensation Play- Needles Sensation Play- Scratching Sensation Play- Suction Sensation Play- Teasing Sensation Play- Tickling S Sensation Play- Other: Sensation Play- Other: Sensation Play- Other: Serving- General Serving- Ashtray Serving- Chauffer Serving- Dancer/Art Serving- Furniture Serving- Forced Serving- Housework Serving- Sexually Serving- Other: Serving- Other: Sex- Anal Sex- Cunnilingus Sex- Denial Sex- Fellatio Sex- Group Sex- Double Penetration Sex- Triple Penetration Sex- Rimming Sex- Threesome Sex- Vaginal Sex Beads Sex Toy- In Public Sex Toy- Strap On Sex Toy- Vibrator Speculum- Anal Speculum- Vaginal Stripping Swapping Partners Swinging Tantra Video Recording- Private Video Recording- Shared Voyeurism Worship- Boots Worship- Body Part: Worship- Body Part: Worship- Feet Wrestling Other: S Other: Other: Other: Other: Other: Other: Other: Other: S CHECKLIST SUMMARY Three things I am really into: Three things I am comfortable trying now: Three new things I’d like to try: Three things I would love to learn more about: Three things I don’t want to try at all right now: Notes on my partners’ needs/interests: S Before You Try Something New This guide can stir up all kinds of new ideas for partners- which is great. But before you rush out to try everything on the list, take a moment to reflect on the following to fully prepare. What intrigues me about trying this? What scares me about trying this? How might trying this impact our relationship? What safety precautions do I need to put in place to try this? What do I need to learn to try this? Where can I get information without violating my partner’s privacy? S What gear is necessary to try this? What kind of set up is necessary to try this? What do I need to do if I start to try this and decide in the middle that I am uncomfortable? What after care is necessary to try this? What clean up is necessary to try this? What kind of support do I need from my partner before we try this? S What kind of support do I need from my partner while we try this? What kind of support do I need from my partner after we try this? Next Steps This guide is yours to keep for a reason. Successful couples check in about their changing sexual needs over time. If you want a more complete resource you can download my full Sexual Therapy Tool Library here. Here are a few ways you can use it: Revisit the guide Intimacy needs change (even if only slightly) over the course of a lifetime (and sometimes over the course of an afternoon). Both you and your sweetie will grow and change in beautiful ways. Keep this guide handy and check in with yourself and with each other frequently to get clear and grow together. Many folks find this checklist most useful in conjunction with the Consent Worksheet on my site. You can download it free here. Most the couples I work with revisit this guide annually to notice their growth together. Others use it to help negotiate new scenes and sexual exploration.