Narrative identities in sexuality, gender and religion: exploring comforts and conflicts in the lived experiences of LGBTQ women of faith Christine Jackson-Taylor PhD University of York Sociology March 2021 Abstract This thesis explores the lived experiences of lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and queer women of faith. Using conceptualisations of narrative identity, I consider the ways in which dynamic and interweaving notions of ‘comforts’ and ‘conflicts’ feature in their stories, and how these experiences influence the ways they narrate, negotiate and create a sense of self and identity. Central to this thesis are stories of integration, transformation and growth (Yip, 2018). Twenty three participants took part in the research and shared their stories. I use narrative methodological approaches, informed by qualitative longitudinal research methods, utilising interviews and timelines. I explore the complex and diverse ways some participants narrate a self that is overcoming or has never been in conflict at the intersections of their sexuality, gender and religion. I consider the ways other participants understand and explain their reasons for leaving religion, and in turn engage with processes of spiritual blending to continue to find comfort in faith. I open up sociological dialogue on LGBTQ mental health and experiences of conversion therapy. I use narrative to explore the fundamentally spiritual nature of transition and transgender lives. This research makes four key contributions. First, my use of narrative, particularly of Paul Ricoeur’s narrative emplotment (1992a), brings an alternative, nuanced and relational focus, foregrounding the oscillating notions of ‘comforts’ and ‘conflicts’ to lived experience. Second, in focusing on the experiences of LGBTQ woman, I emphasise the significance of intersections of sexuality and gender within considerations of lived religion. Third, I draw necessary attention to lived experiences of conversion therapy, which are underexplored in sociological research. Finally, I bring diversity to the identities considered at the intersection of sexuality, gender and religion, and give detailed, narrative accounts of the experiences of trans women of faith. 2 List of contents Abstract ............................................................................................................. 2 List of contents .................................................................................................. 3 Acknowledgements ............................................................................................ 7 Declaration ........................................................................................................ 8 Glossary of Terms .............................................................................................. 9 1. Introduction ................................................................................................. 10 1.1 Contextualising the researcher and the research ............................................................ 10 1.1.2 The Researcher ......................................................................................................... 12 1.1.3 Narrative as conceptual framework ....................................................................... 15 1.2 Research aims and questions ......................................................................................... 17 1.3 Thesis outline .................................................................................................................. 19 2. Literature Review......................................................................................... 21 2.1 Introduction .................................................................................................................... 21 2.2 Social Selves ................................................................................................................... 21 2.2.1 Narrative identity.................................................................................................... 22 2.3 Identity, sexuality and gender ........................................................................................ 26 2.3.1 Identity politics and intersectionality ..................................................................... 27 2.3.2 Queer theory ............................................................................................................ 29 2.3.3 Sociology and trans studies .................................................................................... 31 2.4 LGBTQ Religious lives ................................................................................................... 33 2.4.1 From Secularisation to Lived Religion ................................................................... 33 2.4.2 Stories of conflicts, strategies for overcoming ....................................................... 37 2.4.3 “Integration, transformation and growth” ............................................................ 43 2.5 Conclusion ...................................................................................................................... 46 3. Methodology ................................................................................................ 48 3.1 Introduction .................................................................................................................... 48 3.2 My Participants .............................................................................................................. 48 3 3.2.1 Identities and labels................................................................................................. 48 3.2.2 Sampling, recruitment and limitations .................................................................. 50 3.3 Methods and Data Collection ......................................................................................... 51 3.3.1 Interviews ................................................................................................................ 51 3.3.2 Qualitative longitudinal research........................................................................... 53 3.3.3 Timelines ................................................................................................................. 54 3.3.4 Ethics ....................................................................................................................... 55 3.4 Situating the Research ................................................................................................... 58 3.4.1 Narratives, stories and self ..................................................................................... 58 3.4.2 Analysing and interpreting narratives .................................................................. 61 3.5 Situating the Researcher ................................................................................................ 64 3.5.1 Reflexivity ................................................................................................................ 64 3.5.2 My reflections across the research process ............................................................ 65 3.6 Conclusion ...................................................................................................................... 69 4. Synthesising comforts and conflicts ............................................................. 70 4.1 Introduction .................................................................................................................... 70 4.2 (Re)Interpreting conflict ................................................................................................ 71 4.2.1 Discord is beneficial for personal and spiritual growth. ....................................... 71 4.2.2 Locating conflicts externally................................................................................... 75 4.2.3 Faith is enduring and integral................................................................................ 78 4.3 Queering theologies and narrative lives ......................................................................... 81 4.3.1 Critiques, hypocrisy and “smack[ing] ‘em with books and theories” .................... 82 4.3.2 Self, synthesis and transformation ......................................................................... 84 4.3.3 Giving back and cyclical relationality .................................................................... 87 4.4 A relationship with God ................................................................................................. 92 4.4.1 Conversations with God .......................................................................................... 92 4.4.2 “God Orchestrated Moments” ................................................................................. 95 4.5 Conclusion ...................................................................................................................... 97 5. Leaving religion, spiritual blending and the “faith shaped gap” ................... 98 4 5.1 Introduction ....................................................................................................................98 5.2 Leaving Religion ............................................................................................................. 99 5.2.1 LGBTQ exclusion ..................................................................................................... 99 5.2.2 Gender inequalities ..............................................................................................