INTERVIEW BY BILL SCHEFT We’d go to the munys in Jersey. We’d What have you done to improve know you’ve spent a lot of time with get up at 5 a.m. and get in line, and your game? the pairings, but we want to play with then it was six hours to get around. Golf is the only sport where you caN our chums. HANDICAP YOUR In 1988, a friend takes me to St. An- practice every day for six months and I’m very keen on Bradley, and yet GOOD PLAYERS, GOLF drew’s Golf Club [in Hastings-on-Hud- not get any better. you have me paired with Fowler, SHORTS AND RYDER CUP POMP son, N.Y.]. He tells me it’s $5,000 to The swing is unnatural. You caN whose hat I fi nd disconcerting. I can- get in. I didn’t have any money, but I spot a good golfer a mile away. There’s not abide that hat.” ENTHUSIASM MAKE LARRY DAVID SICK thought, Maybe I caN do this. So, I did a supreme air of confidence that’s sick- “Are you countermanding my or- the interview, I put on my most respon- ening. They have a swagger that just ders?” sible act, and I got in. I had a car, and reeks of good golf. They’re immacu- “Captain, if I may . ” outhern California golf is ubiquitous in the television series “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” The I remember the fi rst time I went there. late. There’s not a crease. There’s not “No, you may not! I’ve made my de- weather is perfect, but a storm is always brewing when the lead character bumps against I go up the Saw Mill Parkway and a staiN. cision. There’ll be no going back.” make the turn, and it was like Mag- You caN take a microscope over the “Fine. I’ll play with Fowler and that the game’s social norms. Whether he’s facing country-club expulsion for not cleaning nolia Lane. I had the whole course to outfit, and you will not fi nd a dot. Of- fl at-billed spectacle he fancies. If you myself. I was only there a year and a teN there’s a part iN the hair. want to suffer the ignominy of losing his locker or exile for precipitating a slow player’s death, the star’s passion for golf never half. Then, I go back out to L.A. to do to our former 18th-century oppressors, wavers. We invited Larry David and his good friend Bill Scheft (staff writer for David “Seinfeld,” and I’m back playing pub- What kind of Ryder Cup let it be on your head.”. lic courses, like Rancho. Back to the captain would you be? Letterman and the nephew of legendary golf writer Herbert Warren Wind) for a round at six-hour round. That’s when I joined My thoughts on the Ryder Cup are If you were the most powerful Winged Foot.All afternoon, Larry’s lanky strut and creative cursing could be recognised from Riviera. public knowledge. If it’s against one man in golf, what would you do? country, fi ne. If it’s agaiNst China or Two things. I would retroactively two fairways over. Here, the co-creator of “Seinfeld” answers questions from Scheft. Ever played with any guys from Russia, fi ne. award Roberto De Vicenzo the 1968 the PGA Tour? But you’re telling me our arch en- Masters. They should have never let In july, you completed a don’t want to play against. There was You have so little tolerance for ter of fact, I once disproved this tab- In charity tournaments, I’ve played emy is Europe? that happen. successful run on broadway with a movement in my Saturday game to pomp and elitism. How do you loid story about me abusing some- with Phil Mickelson, Keegan Bradley, They’re our NATO allies! Everyone saw the leaderboard. It’s a your play “Fish in the Dark.” switch to medal play because I was put up with all of this at a private one in a Martha’s Vineyard parking Rickie Fowler, among others. Mickel- And why all this importance placed clerical error. Bob Goalby should have despite the gruelling schedule, winning too often. club? lot, because I was described as wear- son would describe what club he was on the captain? What’s he doing? said, “No, you take it.” Not a day goes you found time to regularly hit Look, you’re going to hate yourself ing shorts. I told the guy, “I defy you going to use, and why. And he was all He’s picking the teams like we did in by when I don’t feel sorry for poor Mr. balls at Chelsea Piers and play a I remember you as being a great anyway; what’s another log on the to fi nd someone who’s seen me in about what the grass will do. Keegan the schoolyard. And they revel in that De Vicenzo. dozen rounds lag putter. fi re? I understand there’s a class sys- shorts.” Bradley hit a tee shot, and I said, captaiN title. It’s all very maritime. Second, I would outlaw the white For years, I never understood how I That’s all gone. I now have four styles tem in place. And as piqued as I get, “Nice shot.” He looked at me, and “Captain Watson, a word...I feel I leather belt. How could you not have a Scould hit the ball so well on the range, of putting. I use the long putter. That sacrifi ces have to be made. Will I for- Growing up in Brooklyn, I said, “I guess that’s like saying to Wil- should tell you...the men and I are problem with that? It’s a major distrac- and then at the course it all goes away. will work for a round or two, then I go out of seven! Take after take! I’ll guess you came to the game lie Mays, ‘Nice catch.’ ”. not pleased with your performance. I tion. It’s disco. Then I started working on the play and move to sidesaddle. That will work late? realised it’s the perfect analogy for the for a while, then I switch to a regular- “Curb” is a show where you WheN I was 14,I went to Camp White disparity. I was so great in rehearsal. length putter. Then my last resort is make the point that when it Roe in Livingston Manor, N.Y. It was That was easy. But then you add an au- looking at the hole instead of the ball. comes to social conventions, a converted hotel next to a nine-hole dience. All of a sudden, there are ob- You have to keep rotating the system you’ve had quite enough. And golf course. Bess Myerson was the stacles. and be ready to switch the second yet, you’re drawn to golf, a game camp director. So, I try the golf thing. things stop working. built on social conventions. Are I was terrible. I took it up again in L.A. You played some renowned there any that particularly gall in 1980. I loved the game, but no im- courses in the area, including You’ve played with President you? provement. I moved back Baltusrol.” Obama. Was that intimidating? Where do I begin? Taking the hat off to New York in 1987 and The Integration Cup is back with a new name... I played terribly. Baltusrol was like go- No. He’s a great guy to play with, great at the 18th hole? Let’s talk about that. started playing with ing to bed with a beautiful woman and disposition on the course. You caN tell I’m not doing that. I’m sorry. An- comics. You know tabla! cup 2015 is going not getting it up. how somebody handles adversity by other thing: I play with guys who what it was like. how they are on a golf course. What have the four fi ngers of the glove to be bigger and better... I once saw you shoot 38 on the you learn about me is that I’m not a sticking out of the back pock- back nine at Riviera. guy who caN handle adversity. And I’m et. Always four fi ngers! Has to be The last four holes, you had a not that funny. four! Look, etiquette has to be and the game will end with gallery of maintenance men and observed. You can’t talk when gardeners. You expect us to buy that? someone is swinging. But I won’t a gala Deepavali dinner My best back nine ever. I’ve shot 80 Look, I play in these charity events. A participate in the other stuff. three times, never broken it. All at lot of the time I’m paired with people Hole-in-one prize - Audi A8 Riviera. At Farm Neck [David’s home who paid a lot of money to play with Like wearing shorts?. course on Martha’s Vineyard], I once me. They expect to be entertained for It’s been at least 20 years Attractive goodie bag parred every hole on the front nine 4½ hours. You cannot believe how dis- since I wore shorts on the Lots of lucky draw prizes for a 35. I’m thinking, I got this. All appointed these people are by the end course.