PEER REVIEWED ARTICLE ‘The Desire for Friendship Comes Quickly, Friendship Does Not’: An Exploration of Valued Roles & Relationships Jane Sherwin Introduction more likely that they will have access to the good ristotle’s quote–“The desire for friend- things of life (Wolfensberger, Thomas & Caruso, ship comes quickly. Friendship does not’’– 1996). Further, the theory identifies a number speaks to a deep human need and longing. of recurring principles and actions that have the APeople with a valued status, as well as those with potential to contribute to devalued people having a devalued status, share aspirations for friend- the good things of life. This article explicitly looks ship and love relationships. The latter group re- at one aspect: that of freely given relationships, fers to those people who have characteristics that and examines the contribution of socially valued are negatively valued in society and community roles to the development of relationships. and who consequently experience ostracism and The article arises from a deep concern at the dis- atypical life experiences. parity seen in services and in families where there All people with a devalued status, regardless of is a wish for the development of friendships but the cause of their devaluation, could be asked, an absence of theory and strategic practice that is ‘What would your ideal life look like?’ The an- likely to lead to relationships with people who are swers, if unfettered by low expectations, are likely not paid to be in the person’s life. to resonate with the phrase, ‘a life like anyone else.’ There are four sections to the article. It firstly Variants of this phrase include ‘a typical life,’ ‘an contextualises the topic of roles and relationships ordinary life’ and ‘a life of meaning.’ There is gen- within the broad theme of community integra- erally broad agreement in Western cultures that tion, describing what SRV offers to the topic. The the good things of life typically include such things article then names two dominant experiences of as having a home, spending one’s time meaning- people with a devalued status: the experience of fully, loving and being loved, having a range of witnessing life and the experience of community relationships, contributing, having control over presence. It goes on to examine the likelihood things that matter, safety and financial security. of relationships arising from social participation The importance of the deep feeling of belonging roles. Five implications arising from the theory of and acceptance is a human need and thus is shared Social Role Valorisation are then identified. by all. The feeling of deep fulfillment that comes from having a love relationship of trust, respect Community Integration and deep liking is a gift, human to human. espite wide acceptance of the impor- The theory of Social Role Valorisation (SRV) tance of all people participating in public posits that if someone is in valued roles, then it is Dlife, participating in cultural life, and liv- December 2011 23 ing in the community (see for example the 2006 curring when an individual is engaged in United Nations Convention on the Rights of Per- (valued) reciprocated role activities with sons with Disabilities), there is surprisingly little other (valued) role incumbents in a given progress in the community participation of people (valued) social setting. (2006, p. 5) with disability (Verdonschot et al, 2009). In their systematic review of the literature, Verdonschot Within SRV theory, community integration et al concluded that not only did few researchers can be understood as a combination of ‘personal actually base their research on a theoretical frame- social integration’ (PSI) and ‘valued social par- work, but many researchers did not actually define ticipation’ (VSP). Wolfensberger (1998, p. 123) what they meant by community participation. defines this combination as the “adaptive partici- Some literature describes the preconditions pation by a socially devalued person in a cultur- likely to lead to better community participation. ally normative quantity of contacts, interactions For example, when Heller et al (1998) contrasted and relationships with ordinary citizens, in typi- the experiences of people in nursing homes and cal activities, and in socially valued physical and community settings, it was found that the size social settings.” and types of settings affected the development There are a number of conditions that need to of adaptive behaviour, health, opportunities to be satisfied for someone to experience PSI and make choices and autonomy. In their own longi- VSP. Firstly, ‘adaptive participation’ refers to the tudinal study, they found that it is not only size distinction between someone being dumped in and type of facility that affects outcomes. When community and someone developing those adap- there were higher levels of autonomy and control, tive behaviours and skills to enable them to en- competency development, and personalisation of gage in community life. The former situation the environment, there was increased community is clearly evident when someone moves from a participation. Similarly, the research found that segregated and congregated environment to one having control over decisions about where they ‘in the community’ without supports in order to live was a factor for people with intellectual dis- thrive ‘in the community.’ This is also apparent ability (McConkey et al, 2004) and people with in those situations where an argument has been psychiatric disabilities (Gulcur, Tsemberis, Ste- used that claims the ‘right’ of someone to be in fancic & Greenwood, 2007), increasing the likeli- community. However, if support is not provided hood of greater levels of integration. to the person or others, then it could be difficult Examining community integration through the to make the experience good for all parties. lens of SRV theory provides both a theoretical Secondly, the definition makes clear that inte- framework as well as helpful definitions. Follow- gration is not simply about being present in com- ing their literature review, Flynn & Aubrey (1999) munity. The definition refers to with whom the described the SRV definition as the ‘richest and person is engaged, what the person is doing and most useful’ (p. 296). What SRV offers to an where the person is engaged. With regard to the understanding of community integration is the ‘with whom,’ the definition refers to the require- power of being in valued roles. The link between ment of a quantity of interactions and relation- SRV and community integration is made most ships being what would be expected for anyone explicit by Lemay who writes: else of a similar age, gender and culture. In other words, the yardstick for the number and type of (valued) social participation requires a relationships is whatever is culturally typical for (valued) role in a given (valued) context; that age, gender and culture. Thus, the definition personal social integration is said to be oc- is about personal social integration. It refers to 24 The SRV JOURNAL the experience of an individual and the range of relationships with people with a valued status relationships that one could expect with friends and the lack, or diminishment, of engagement in and family, those people who are seen as regular community life are expressions of the wounds of acquaintances, those who might be considered rejection and being distanced from community ‘nodding’ acquaintances, those who are paid–such spaces and ordinary people both physically and as the librarian, shop assistant and electrician–and socially. This can lead to two sets of experiences those from generic human services such as the for people with a devalued status: witnessing and doctor and hairdresser. community presence. The SRV construct of ‘culturally valued ana- logue’ provides a framework to think about how The Experience of Witnessing people have their needs met in as ordinary a way It is within what is culturally typical that most as possible. This article is therefore grounded in a people have some times when they withdraw from consideration of how ordinary citizens, even if un- the world, preferring time with, say, a good book or conscious of this dynamic, use their roles to meet gardening rather than being out and about and with people and develop a range of social contacts, ac- others. The issue for people with a devalued status quaintances, friends and intimate relationships. is that not being part of the world can be the domi- For example, it is constructive to consider that nant state, when they observe the world through ordinary citizens need to have a large number of the glass of a window or the screen of a television. acquaintances in order to make a fewer number of This is a form of witnessing life, and occurs espe- friends and in order to have a love relationship (in cially for those whose main role is that of client, addition to and other than family). and who live in facilities such as nursing homes. Valued social participation, according to the If the facility is located in a rural location and/or definition, must occur in ordinary (valued) places far from generic resources, then this ‘witnessing’ where there are other people with a valued status. is likely to be exacerbated. The witness experience Valued activities typically occur in valued settings. also occurs among those who are housebound. For example, shopping occurs in malls; football This situation highlights the lack of primary occurs on a field; tertiary study occurs in colleges roles, which are described by Lemay (2006) as or universities; work occurs in a business prem- family member and friend. In reality, the person ise. An appreciation of valued social participation could still have relatives and therefore be in the leads to an understanding of the importance of be- role of family member. However, if relationships ing in culturally typical places and activities of life.