The Matthew 18 Principle A Scriptural Understanding and Practical Application of this Important Biblical Principle Nobody really loves conflict and confrontation. Since, however, these relationship difficulties are normal parts of the human experience, some conflicts and confrontations are simply unavoidable. These relationship difficulties, when not handled properly, usually upset all parties and prove to be destructive and demoralizing. Therefore, it is extremely critical that a proper application of sound problem-solving skills be employed. The Biblical Model Christians should be encouraged to know that the ultimate textbook of knowledge and wisdom, God’s Holy Word, provides very specific guidelines and mandates for effective conflict resolution. Specifically, Matthew 18:15-17 provides the following scriptural mandate for keeping communication lines open and intact. “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he still refuses to listen, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church …” An analysis of these important words of Jesus Christ reveals several important principles for solving people problems. Principle #1 STRICT CONFIDENTIALITY “If your brother sins against you, go and show him…” Did you notice that God’s Word does not say to share your concerns with members of your Sunday School class, prayer groups, parent organizations, or with any other individuals or groups who may or may not be interested in the details of your problem? It says “…go and show him…” In other words, deal directly with the party with whom you have the problem. Since the Bible has so much to say about gossip, slander, and treating others in the same manner you prefer to be treated, it should come as no surprise that the Bible teaches that interpersonal relationship problems should be kept as confined and confidential as is humanly possible. Principle #2 TOTAL HONESTY “…go and show him his fault…” Direct confrontation and absolute truth-telling have proven to be enormously difficult activities when human beings interact with each other. Bill Hybels, author of Honest to God?, provided insight into the difficulties when he stated the following: Few of us debate the biblical position on truth-telling. Speak the truth in love. Don’t bear false witness. Lay aside falsehood; speak truth to one another. We agree in theory that honesty is the best policy. It’s the key to authentic relationships. But in those awkward moments when we stand face-to-face with someone, knowing they may not readily receive the truth, truth-telling doesn’t sound like such a great idea. To be sure, a certain amount of risk is associated with such honesty. Is the risk all that great, however, when compared to the potential damage of avoiding confrontations and/or not being totally honest when confrontations take place? Bill Hybels addressed this question by identifying the consequences of inaction or improper action: When people submerge their true feelings in order to preserve harmony, they undermine the integrity of a relationship. They buy peace on the surface, but underneath there are hurt feelings, troubling questions, and hidden hostilities just waiting to erupt. It’s a costly price to pay for a cheap peace, and it inevitably leads to inauthentic relationships. Hybels believes truth-telling is more effective by observing four simple guidelines: • First, identify the real obstacle. • Second, arrange to meet the person face-to-face as soon as possible. • Third, when you meet, affirm the relationship before you open the agenda. • Fourth, make observations rather than accusations. Principle #3 TRUE FORGIVENESS “…If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.” The ultimate goal of any conflict or confrontation is a complete resolution of the problem. Directness and honesty demonstrated in an atmosphere of prayer and humility should end all disagreements. Since the ultimate goal for solving any personal problem between two parties is restoration of the relationship, Christians should heed words recorded in Galatians 6:1: “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.” Simply put, real restoration requires absolute forgiveness. True forgiveness, however, requires re-establishing the same relationship and communication dynamics that were in force before the problem surfaced. Principle #4 PROPER APPEALS “But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he still refuses to listen, tell it to the church;…” Individuals who accept the authority of God’s Word are appreciative of the appeal process succinctly stated in this passage of scripture. Whenever both parties of a dispute or disagreement fail to resolve the matter satisfactorily, the problem should be heard by one or two additional parties. If the problem remains unresolved after these biblically-mandated steps are exhausted, Jesus said the matter should be taken before the church body. Since scripture provides no further information relative to appeals to solve conflicts and the confrontations, the church serves as the final authority. Principle #5 SEVERED RELATIONSHIPS “…if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” Unfortunately, human nature is such that some individuals are simply not open to God’s plan for reconciling relationships. If Matthew 18 is employed properly, however, the offended party must respond by demonstrating Christ-like attitudes and actions. This entails an unequivocal acceptance of the decision to settle a dispute after all appropriate appeals have been exhausted. If the offended party finds it impossible to live with the final resolution of the problem, the relationship must be severed. Matthew 18 At Work Technically speaking, of course, Matthew 18 addresses the issue of dealing with problems within the church. With minor modifications, however, various para-church organizations, including Christian schools, should effectively and efficiently apply standards of this scriptural passage. In practical terms, how should the principles of Matthew 18 be applied at Madison-Ridgeland Academy? First of all, any question, concern, disagreement, or complaint should always be directed to the appropriate party (e.g., parent to teacher). Hopefully, the problem will be resolved at this first level of interaction. According to Paul A. Kienel, former President of the Association of Christian Schools International (ACSI), 80% of all school problems will be solved at the two-person level. If a satisfactory resolution is not forthcoming at the two-party level, the two parties should take the issue to the next level (i.e., in the example cited, the principal). If Dr. Kienel’s numbers are correct, 98% of all problems are solved without involving the top leadership of any organization. Approximately 2% of all interpersonal relationship problems cannot be solved without the intervention of the top level of the church or school. In the rare 2% of the cases where the collective wisdom of these top authorities is needed, the Bible is clear that their decisions are final and must be accepted without further debate or discussion. It is rare, of course, when a church body is called upon to settle an issue with one of its members. It should also be somewhat rare for MRA’s Head of School (charged by the Board of Trustees to be the final authority regarding issues that surface in the day-to-day operation of the school) to address school issues that are more appropriately and effectively discussed and solved at a lower point of origin. When intervention of the Head of School is required, his decision regarding the issue is final. Practical Application at Madison RidGeland Academy Since Christian schools, including MRA, are committed to operating according to the dictates of Matthew 18, it is important for all parties involved in a Christian school to understand the basic organizational structure or the chain of command. The MRA organizational structure provides you with the various appeal/problem-solving levels of the MRA organizational hierarchy. At MRA, literally thousands of interpersonal relationship opportunities exist to either violate or fulfill the principles of Matthew 18. A common violation involves parents not willing to confront a teacher with a problem, but instead, attempting to take the matter directly to the school principal. This procedure simply cannot be allowed. The principal must direct the matter to the proper point of origin. Some parents may respond, “If I make waves, the teacher will ‘take it out’ on my child.” Since any form of “taking it out” should never be tolerated, the parents must be assured that even this remote possibility will invite immediate upper-level administrative intervention. The same scenario could occur when parents attempt to bypass the teacher and principal(s) and go directly to the MRA Head of School or Board of Trustees. The Head of School or Board of Trustees should politely, immediately, and adamantly redirect the parents to the appropriate level. The applications of Matthew 18 are much broader than simply providing parents and students with procedural information for handling problems. The words of Jesus also speak directly and indirectly to the employees of MRA. For example, staff members violate Matthew 18 by gathering together and talking derogatorily about students or fellow workers. Teachers do likewise by complaining about school rules or judgments of the principals or the Head of School. Principals violate Matthew 18 by identifying the weakness of one teacher to another.