R2880 news you’re not supposed to know (including VAT ) noseweek 81JULY 2006 Mbeki’s secret French Connection Durban police’s 150 missing guns Brett Kebble’s last laugh Greed and the Nigerians destroy preacher’s life 2 noseweek July 2006 SUBSCRIBE to noseweek and SAVE R68 on the shop price: see PAGE 33 JULY2006 ISSUE81 Don’t July to me 8 Mr Mbeki’s secret French – there’s really Connection no excuse for not advertising in Cover illustration: DR JACK noseweek! 4 Letters Power, lies and Werksmans n Bring me the heads of the headhunters n Water wastrels n Vintage wine column n Man’s intolerance: who cares? n Unwholesome Holcim n Capital punishment is dead loss 6 Dear Reader Smokey deals n Judge for yourself 12 Durban Metro Blues Whatever happened to the 150 guns missing from the police armoury? 13 Kebble’s last laugh And the joke’s on Randgold 16 Smoke gets in your eyes Mr Big & Co get away with millions in bonded goods KEN FORRESTER WINES 19 Judge Hlophe and friends A profitable academic study of the ancient art of back-scratching 22 Carrot and schtick Mitchell Zuckoff traces the temptation and fall of a Massachusetts psychotherapist, who was tempted by a Nigerian e-mail Contact promising him an easy few million bucks Adrienne de Jongh [email protected] 28 Plett chukkas away its wetlands Was millionaire Leo Baxter just being ‘very naughty’, in the words of an admirer, when he allegedly trashed the environment to build his polo field? 31 Web dreams Hoaxes, lies and rumours Advertise 32 Law of the B®and Curl up with a good computer database 34 NoseArk Oudtshoorn: the dorp that just can’t say no NOW! 37 Wine Another glass of Three-Penis Plonk, anyone? in noseweek 38 Last Word That’ll be the day! SUBSCRIBE to noseweek and SAVEnoseweek R68 July 2006 on the shop price: see PAGE3 33 Letters Jew process of law Power, lies and Werksmans allowed it should be replaced “rip-off”. That said, surely What possible relevance Your report on the “restruc- with competent individuals. these wines only become can there be for consistently turing” at Werksmans Clive Varejes “serious” or “grand” (Mr mentioning the religious (nose80) was brilliant! By email James’ terms) after the five affiliation of some of the I work in the lower ranks, Could you suggest a cheap to 20 years it takes for them characters who played their but find myself in the same headhunter to find the to mature? If this is so, roles in the fiasco regarding nasty clutches of power, lies replacement CEOs – Ed then surely the price paid the Werksmans law practice and deceit as Carl [Stein] did. for them should include the (nose80)? Now at least the world knows Putting a damper cost of their proper storage For instance, what is a what’s happening here. If it The street and area NoseArk over that time? Let the “Jewish specialist” corporate weren’t for you, well ... I think describes in “Greenie, green vendor coddle the bottles, partner? Is he the same a lot of people would feel they thyself” (nose80) must Molly! Meanwhile, it seems as a “Christian specialist” were farting against thunder. have the most uncaring, there are enough “label corporate partner? Could an Werksmans employee arrogant water wastrels in drinkers” around to justify Afrikaner be a follower of Johannesburg the province. I live around these usurious prices for the Jewish faith? Is religion the corner from Morgenrood apparently undrinkable language-related? If not, why Fire the head cheeses Street and regularly walk my immature wines. mention it? I’m appalled at the indecent dogs in the neighbourhood. Finally, after much soul- You do this quite often; do fees paid to corporate A yellow face-brick house searching and angst, I have decided to forego my case of preferred plonk this month and instead invest R220 What is a ‘Jewish specialist’ corporate partner? Is it the in renewing my noseweek same as a ‘Christian specialist’ corporate partner? subscription. Lasts longer, no lingering, bitter aftertaste – what did I expect for R220? – and no glass to recycle. you have a pertinent reason headhunters. After reading in Baker Street is being Michael Webb for this? your article “Who gave Sasol ripped-apart for refurbishing Rondebosch Eddie Windsor head?” (nose80) I did some and the once tidy little Wetton investigation and found that terraced garden is now a pile Man’s intolerance: who cares? the fees can amount to 35% of of bricks and rubble. What is happening to your We hate to see a good Jew the first year’s gross salary. As I passed, I saw that magazine? In nose80 you “fucked around by a bunch of This is way higher than the the irrigation” system was tell the tragic tale of the Yoks. Seriously, we generally international standard. squirting streams of water all man who shot the dog – four mention ethnic or religious I honestly feel that, if over the destroyed garden. years ago! Surely there are affiliation only when (at least this is what a company is Inspired by your column, I more pertinent things to be some of) the players in the paying an “independent stopped and politely told a investigating in this country story themselves regard these headhunter”, whoever jolly little group of brickies of ours? All that article as relevant. If that means authorised that payment busy chopping cement off confirms is the intolerance of often, well, this is South should be fired, and perhaps piles of yellow bricks that mankind. Other than that, Africa, after all. – Ed. the board of directors who they were wasting water. I don’t think it is of interest Besides telling me that the to anyone apart from those Gus automated sprinkler system involved. Here’s hoping you had “shorted out” and now get back on track. comes on for a few hours Lou Burger every day, they also told Cape Town me to mind my own business We’re on track; all you need and, for good measure, yelled do is get on board and start a hearty “jou ma se p@#s” in enjoying the passing show. my direction. They also said – Ed something about a “cheeky wit vark”. Name withheld Unwholesome Holcim Your article “Where there’s Mowbray smoke” (nose79) was very Vintage wine column disturbing, especially in I enjoy Tim James’ wine light of the fact that Holcim column and would be happier are planning to put up a still if it were to spill over “blending platform”, to do and fill the next page as well, exactly what is described in obliterating the mental wank the article, at their Florida that is Last Word. factory on the West Rand. Referring to Mr James’ This is within one kilometre June column, I cannot of Soweto, as well as the contemplate the phrases “five residential areas of Florida. hundred rands” and “a bottle At the moment they have an of wine” used in a sentence environmental impact study “Were it not for your obsessive compulsive disorder, that does not also include on view at their factory and you would just be be an idle slob.” the words “outrageous” and at some other venues. I urge 4 noseweek July 2006 Drivel everyone to go and look at Capital punishment is dead loss Structure of power it and voice their objections, In 2002 Americans were Due to a series of disastrous power failures in the 1990s, based on your report. very, very happy because the city of Ponacel in South America totally banned elevators. Mike Zimmermann they had only 16,638 criminal Renowned for its high-rise residential and commercial buildings, Weltevreden Park homicides: and they were the impact of this on the population has been profound. right because from 1984 to Scary in my backyard 1993 criminal homicides had An early effect was a steep increase in heart attacks but, as the The piece in nose79 on the averaged 22,000 a year. The burning of hazardous waste population got fitter and stronger from climbing endless stairs, same year, in Italy we were the incidence of heart attacks plunged a staggering 45% from the pre-ban high. in the cement industry was very afraid because, with a scary enough. But now it’s population that is one fifth about to happen in my own of America’s, we had 638 A side-effect of this increase in general health was the rise backyard. criminal homicides. We were in serotonin levels, thanks to the beneficial effects of exercise Holcim intends building very concerned, even if 638 and a concomitant upsurge in traditional cocaine and coca leaf use. a waste-processing facility was half the homicides we’d A survey conducted by the Cocatl University suggests that cocaine in the middle of the densely had in 1994. use increased in proportion to the height of office or apartment. populated West Rand, which Americans love to think the is already heavily polluted drop in their figures is a result There have also been curious sociological changes. The well-to-do by Sasol, Mittal (nee Iscor) of the retention of the death began to favour the lower floors, while the higher floors were and other noxious industries. penalty. occupied by the poor but§ healthy, who enjoyed better views. Here, in winter, pollution On the other hand, Italy’s does not rise, but sits close murder rate has halved – yet This situation, according the Marxist Emmanuel Klug, to the ground, choking every we have no death penalty.