HALF- MIND HYMNAL A SONGBOOK FOR HASH HOUSE HARRIERS "Delightfully disgusting, yet repulsive" Compiled by Flying Booger Edited and updated By Dazed & Confused For the Beijing Hash House Harriers 1 The Half-Mind Hymnal is a songbook for Hash House Harriers. As such, it is guaranteed to offend – consider yourself warned. The Half-Mind Hymnal is arranged in the following categories: DOWN- DOWN DITTIES & HASH RITUALS Songs, chants, etc, to liven up the circle and down-downs HASH ANTHEMS Songs celebrating specific Hash House Harrier kennels SONGS ABOUT HASHING & HASHERS Songs about hashing & hashers, what else? OUR ANIMAL FRIENDS "I put my finger in the woodpecker's hole . ." THE SPOKEN WORD Poems, toasts, recitals, etc SWEET LOVIN' "I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours . ." HASH CALISTHENICS Songs to get the pack movin' & shoutin' FAMOUS HARRIETTES Shocking, just shocking . the degradation of wymyn at its worst! FAMOUS HARRIERS "With a yard-and-a-half of foreskin hangin' down below his knees . ." IN VINO VERITAS Celebrating drink & drinking (hic!) HASH HOLIDAYS Seasonal ditties & carols HASH STANDARDS Ah, there's nothing like the classics! JUST PLAIN SICK! "Who can take a fetus . ." SMOKING WIENER'S COCKY HASH SONGS This guy's so prolific he gets his own section YANKEE AIR PIRATES Random songs 2 DOWN- DOWN DITTIES & HASH RITUALS A,B,C,D,E,F,G Air Force Song Amazing Beer An Dem Bier Army Song Aunt I High Autohash Song Battle Hymn of the Hasher Beery Bunch Birthday Songs Blessing of "G" Blessing of the Hares Dixie Does a Hasher Down Down Down Your Beer Down Down Ditty Dumb Shit Farewell Song Ft Eustis Down-Down Songs Hare Toast Hash Benediction Hash House Harriers Hasher's Prayer Hash Pledge of Allegiance Hash Rules Hashin' Brew Heineken, Schmeineken Her Left Tit Here's to _ (Basic Down-Down Song) Here's to Brother Hasher(s) He's a Born Again Pisstank He's a Hasher, He's Okay He's the Meanest (two versions) He Wanks His Crank Hillary, Mary His One-Skin Ice the Bitch International Hash Hymn It’s a Small Dick Love Me Tender Masturbation 3 Meet the Hashers Mister Blue Balls Naming Ceremony No Blow Song Oh, Hashshit Boy Our Lager Park it on the Ice Piss Off, Ya Wank Returner's Song Salutations Shiggy Soggy Short Blessing Short Hymn Shortcutter's Song Sing, Sing a Song Sing a Song of Six Checks Soldier Song Sound of Hashers Thank God She Finally Shut Up The Hasher Pukes Tonight (Short Version) There was a Little Bird They Ought to be Publicly Pissed On This Hasher’s Been Wanking Off Again This is Your Down-Down Song Tired Hasher Viagra Virgin Serenade Visitor's Song War Hares Wedding Ceremonies Wedding Song We're Here Because . We've Got Virgins What a Wank Where Were You Last Week? Why Are We Waiting? Why Was He Born so Beautiful? Why was She Born a Bitch? Yankee Doodle You are Our Zicky-Zacky (expanded version) Zulu Warrior A,B,C,D,E,F,G Melody - Alphabet Song By Fuk Stik & Flying Booger a, b, c, d, e, f, g, Won't you sing a song with me? 4 Grab a beer and raise your cup, Lose that hat cuz it's bad luck, And when we say to drink it down, Finish that beer and make a crown. h, i, j, k, l-m-n-o-p. Better get ready 'cause the beer's flowin' free. Fill your vessel to the brim, Don't you wish you had some quim, Raise your beer mug to your lips, Get ready to take some dainty sips. Q, R, S and T-U-V, W and X-Y-Z, Now you're ready to make whoopee, Just remember this or you are dead, Never never ever say head (oh, shit) Head? Who said head? I'll take some of that, etc . AIR FORCE SONG Melody - Off We Go, Into the Wild Blue Yonder Contributed by Chimp Pimp, Osan Bulgogi HHH Off we go, Into the wild blue yonder. Crash and burn, Son of a bitch! AMAZING BEER Melody – Amazing Grace Composed by Splat, East Bay HHH A - maz - ing beer, A taste profound, A whole keg just for thee! The pack is lost, But home you've found, The beer check you can see AN DEM BIER Melody – Ode to Joy Composed by Splat, East Bay HHH How much beer has he been drinking? 5 He is looking really lit. As we sing here aren't we thinking, "Do we really give a shit?" Who's this wanker, so unseemly, That his mom would surely frown? Grab that beer and hold it firmly, Drink it, drink it, down down down! ARMY SONG Melody - Be All That You Can Be Contributed by Chimp Pimp, Osan Bulgogi HHH Be, all that you can be. Get a big fat wife, And a fucked up life, In the R- ME (hoohah!) R-Me! R-Me! R-me! R-me! R-me! (running in place) R-Me training sir! How do you spell R-Me? R! Me! (point at self) AUNT I HIGH Melody – High Hopes Contributed by Cannibis Licked Her, California Larrikins HHH Just what makes my little old aunt? Think she can smoke that cannabis plant. Everyone knows an aunt, can't, smoke a cannabis plant But she has High Hopes Yes she getting High - folks So close your eyes before - my Aunt Drops Her Pants. Drink it down, down, down . AUTOHASH SONG Melody - Dear Lord, Won't You Buy Me a Mercedes-Benz (Janis Joplin) By Flying Booger (used to honor autohashers) (International version) Dear Lord, won't you give me a ride to the beer, My friends are all drinking, and I'm stuck out here, I'll ride in a lorry, rickshaw, or tuk tuk, If you drive me there I'll throw in a down, down, down, down . (USA version) Dear Lord, won't you give me a ride to the beer, My friends are all drinking, and I'm stuck out here, 6 I'll ride in a Chevy, a Ford or a truck, If you drive me there I'll throw in a down, down, down, down . BATTLE HYMN OF THE HASHER Melody – Battle Hymn of the Republic Composed by Splat, East Bay HHH His eyes have seen the horror of the steepness of the trail, His ears have heard the whining of the whinging Hashers’ tale, His lips have felt the passing of this nation's finest ale, This Hasher's done it all! CHORUS: Glory, Glory, Ale and Lager! Glory, Glory, Ale and Lager! Glory, Glory, Ale and Lager! Now drink it down, down, down! (for wearers of new shoes) His feet will feel the dampness of the clean footware he's worn His soul will sense the shame and wish that he had not been born All of him will suffer pain like shiggy's sharpest thorn This Hasher's worn new shoes! THE BEERY BUNCH Melody - Brady Bunch Theme By Koresh, Las Vegas HHH Here's the story, Of a thirsty hasher, Who was running at the back of a pack. Every bad trail that there was, Well he found it. He must have ran for miles! It's the story, Of some sacred nectar, That was chilling with a mind of it's own. It was one beer, Sitting in the cooler, Yet it still had no foam. 'Till the circle, When the hasher met the nectar. And he knewwww it just couldn't stick around. That's when his shorts went down around his ankles And the beer became a down down down down down! A down down down! A down down down! 7 That's the waaaaayyyyyyy it became a down down down! BIRTHDAY SONG # 1 Melody - Happy Birthday to You Happy birthday, fuck you, Happy birthday, fuck you, Happy birthday, you asshole, Happy birthday, fuck you. Drink it down, down, down . BIRTHDAY SONG # 2 Melody - Happy Birthday to You Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, You look like a hasher, And you smell like one too. Drink it down, down, down . BIRTHDAY SONG # 3 Melody – Happy Birthday to You Contributed by Mudrock, Las Vegas HHH May you live one hundred years May you drink one million beers Get plastered you bastard Happy Birthday to you. BIRTHDAY SONG # 4 Melody - Here's to _____, He's a Blue Composed by Flying Booger for Scratch 'n' Sniff's 30th Here's to (name), she's true blue, It's her birthday, boo hoo hoo, She is (age) if she's a day, Wishes she were younger, But there's no way! Drink it down, down, down . BIRTHDAY SONG # 5 Melody - Oliver! Composed by Bach 'n' Forth, Palm Beach HHH, in honor of Shortcake's 50th; included here on the off- chance it can be adapted for other hashers' birthdays You're 50 years old, Shortcakes. You've finally reached half of a century. We hope you've got what it takes . to stay . a-live till you're 51! 8 Maybe it's time to take some respite from these trashing days; the end of your hashing days is near . Let's hope the Chester the Molester doesn't kill you first with that home-brew shit he calls beer! You're 50 years old, Shortcakes. Here's wishing you lots of luck . And hoping that the future holds in store for you . 50 more years to fuck! BIRTHDAY SONG # 6 Melody - The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You Contributed by Zippy Your day of birth is now upon you, You're older by one day, Your day of birth is now upon you, And now you're gonna pay, The Hash is gonna lay it on you, You dirty bastard (bitchin') hound, Your day of birth is now upon you, Drink it down, down down down down BIRTHDAY SONG # 7 Melody - Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-Te-Aay Contributed by Nose Candy This is your birthday song, It isn't very long .