WHAT IS A TEMPER TANTRUM? Q Grows out of a child's intense feelings of anger and frustration. Q May start with whining. Q Screaming - not an ordinary scream but a supersonic, ear shattering scream. Q May be accompanied by physical aggression such as biting, kicking, hitting, scratching. Q Verbal aggression - saying mean things like"! hate you" "I wish you would go away and never come back"; swearing. Q Destroying property -e.g. throwing things, writing on the wal!, tearing off the wall paper. Q Flopping on the floor. Q Holding breath. U Stomping feet REASONS FOR TEMPER TANTRUMS Q Frustration: Child's request is denied - he can't get what he wants • Unable to perform a task to his/her satisfaction (some children have very little tolerance for frustration). • Instant gratification - he wants what he wants now, not able to wait. U Attention seeking - it is hard to ignore a child who screams and cries. Q Learned behavior from watching others. Q Related to child's temperaments (children who are overactive, impulsive, irritable are more prone to temper tantrums). a Delayed speech and poor social skills Q Can be just a stage he/she is going through Q May have physical needs that need to be met (hungry, tired, need for diaper change) Q Exposure to frequent or chronic stressful events in the family (marital discord, poor health, financial, drugs) WAYS TO PREVENT A TEMPER TANTRUM FROM HAPPENING OR ESCALATING a Don't Throw a Temper Tantrum yourself. Remain calm and cool when your child behaves inappropriately. a Meet the child's physical needs (hunger, fatigue, level of stimulation; energy level) a Avoid excessive demands and set age appropriate expectations according to child's development Q Plan ahead by stating expectations clearly (set limits) Q Give advance warnings to stop or change an activity - Children have good accelerators but have lousy brakes. Q Whisper - if your child starts to scream and get angry, whisper or speak soffly Q Use Distraction - be creative, anything that calms a child down and takes his mind off his anger is a good distraction. Do something unexpected - offer your child a drink of water When child is drinking he can't be screaming or crying. Q Redirection ~ To redirect is to find a suitable alternative for the same behavior. a Use Humor WAYS TO PREVENT A TEMPER TANTRUM FROM HAPPENING OR ESCALATING (continued) a Avoid saying "No" to your child's request, instead use As Soon As or When/Then Rule... Q Offer Choices between 2 acceptable alternatives Q Observe your child's behaviors closely and find out what triggers his tantrums Q Encourage child's verbalization of feelings and acknowledge them. Q Understand age appropriate behavioral nuisances. Common annoying behaviors for: 2 year olds - dawdling and saying NO 3-6 year olds - interrupting and whining 7-8 year olds - daydream and forget to do chores 9-10 years - tease younger siblings 11-12 years - talk back 13 years - hard time getting up in the A.M G Model good ways of handling stress - do self talk. Q Build a positive relationship with child. Spend time with your child. Give praise and encouragement for child's good behaviors - catch him being good. WHAT TO DO WHEN A TEMPTER TANTRUM IS IN FULL BLOOM For nonviolent temper tantrums that do not involve danger to self, others and property: Q Ignore the behavior Q Remove the child from an audience Q Remain calm and speak softly a Encourage deep breathing Q Gentle holding if screaming persists Q Provide appropriate outlets for child's anger (piaydough, drawing) Q Soothing techniques - e.g fanning child For violent temper outbursts that involve hurting of self, others and property: Q Physically restrain child but do it with caution. Know your child. Some children rebel more when they are restrained. a Put child in a safe, time out area Q Call for extra help if this is available WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD IS THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM: Q Do not offer your child rewards to stop the tantrum. a Do not try to reason with child Q Do not punish, threaten or shame your child. This will only escalate a power struggle. WHAT TO DO AFTER A TANTRUM SUBSIDES: Q Talk to your child. Problem-solve strategies to handle the situation. Use "What If... what could you do instead? Q Unconditional acceptance of child (not behavior) - let your child know that you still love him in spite of his angry outburst. Q Teach your child appropriate ways of dealing with his/her anger. (Drawing, listening to music) Q Reenter your child into the group activity or routine. a Meet the child's physical needs Q Provide intermittent rewards when he does not display the inappropriate behavior. Q Set up a quiet corner and teach children to use it or redirect as needed Q Energize and take care of yourself CONSIDER PROFESSIONAL HELP WHEN THE TANTRUMS: Q Appear to have no observable cause Q Increase in intensity, frequency and length Q Exhaust your strategies in dealing with child's behaviors Q Occur in all settings, not just at home or at school Q Danger to self, others or property Q Negatively affect your perception and interaction with child Community Resources: Q AEA consultants Q Child Study Team a Child Psychologist Q Child Guidance Clinic Q Ask staff at your child's school or child development center.