Wednesday 06.06.12 Wednesday Losing the XXX factor Louis Theroux on the porn industry in meltdown Hadley Freeman Jonathan Haidt Summer style Mads Mikkelsen Abi Morgan Plan for the apocalypse Class, morality and voting Ten essential updates Cinema’s great Dane Portrait of the artist 12A Shortcuts Cultural studies at least, in Heston Blumenthal), Waitrose boss Mark Price, for events onstage with a mixture of infl uential political fi gures and example, a seat right behind John elation, bemusement, detachment What they were Nick Clegg. But here they are, Major? In fact, why is Major there and, in the case of Princess Anne, nonetheless, gathered together and not Tony Blair? And why have quiet fury. really saying in for an evening of middle-of-the- most of the black people been It was diffi cult, as it almost the royal box road and occasionally haphazard seated together? Is nearness to always is, to imagine what went jubilee entertainment outside the Queen a simple function of through the Queen’s mind as she Buckingham Palace. rank, or are people also grouped watched performances by Tom For such a historic gathering by type, like elements in the Jones, Cliff Richards and Paul t was not an assemblage it was strange to fi nd so many periodic table? McCartney, but one would like to I widely recognised for its hard-to-identify faces among the Whoever they all are – and the think it was something along the collective devotion to popular high-profi le guests. Who are Buckingham Palace press offi ce lines of: “Don’t any of these music – major royals, minor royals, these people, and how were their is not telling – the Queen’s well- people ever retire?” Norma Major, celebrity chefs (one, seats allocated? What earned wishers appear to be reacting to Tim Dowling Keep smiling, I’ll get This was all the car. Three Michelin What am I doing my idea. stars, and I’m here? They in row 6 with must think I’m Sebastian Coe. I’ve Michael Sheen. wasted my life. Or Tony Blair. Rocket Man! I can’t see. What’s happening now? Why am I still SIR Elton John? hanging on Stay down, Are you sure? to this wet Mum. One would blanket? remember doing I’ve often asked something myself the same like that. question. Ê Hula Hooping Mad, mad world Grace Jones did it The Mad Men cast captured throughout her song at in modifi ed Barbie dolls by Shorter the jubilee concert on New York photographer cuts Monday night. Hula Michael Williams of My Life Hooping class spotted in in Plastic. Here’s Michael London E8 last week. Ginsberg, looking good. It’s a thing again! 2 The Guardian 06.06.12 William McElligott’s face graphically demonstrates the eff ects of the sun Dermatology Pass notes One face, No 3,188 but two sides Sony of a story t fi rst, it looks like a chief executive of Factor 50 , a Age: 66 A Photoshopped demon- support group for people with Appearance: Weary stration of ageing in skin cancer. Nuttall has written to Ah yes, it’s hard work being an all-conquering action. But the image of truck Brendan Barber, general secretary conglomerated behemoth. Hmm. Yes. Or an driver William McElligott is a of the TUC, urging unions to help QUOTE OF THE DAY all-surrendering one. stark reminder of the destructive raise awareness of the risks for That’s a perplexing remark. Can you explain power of the sun. The left-hand workers, including those such as it? I can. You see, Tokyo’s world-famous side of the 66-year-old’s face is meter readers, taxi drivers and Sony corporation, purveyor of Walkmen pitted and sagging after 28 years sales reps who “ don’t perceive and Play Stations to all mankind, is going to of sun exposure through the side themselves to be in any kind of the dogs. window of his lorry. The right- danger ”, she says. Which dogs? Oh, just metaphorical ones. But hand side, shaded by the cab as She has seen severe sun that’s still bad. On Monday, Sony’s share price McElligott delivered milk around damage on the hands of reps – fell below Y1,000 for the first time since 1980, Chicago, is taut and unblemished . exposed to sun through wind- when it launched the Walkman. McElligott didn’t notice the screens , which do not protect Ouch. The company is now worth less than 6% developing asymmetry for 15 years . from UVA rays . So could real ‘Mr Ackerman – of what it was in 2000, when the Play Station 2 Doctors were shocked, and his images such as that of McElligott Please excuse had just come out. image was published in the New shock people into protecting Tyler … he was Further ouch. Yes, it has been a long with me!’ England Journal of Medicine as a themselves ? “It doesn’t take procession of ouches every day at Sony City. striking example of photoageing . much to imagine one’s own skin Barack Obama signs That sounds like a Japanese workplace- The image demonstrates the in 20 years’ time ,” says Nuttall. off the best truancy bonding exercise. It does, yet in fact it’s danger to workers who might not “ William’s story is one we are note ever for young another metaphor, evoking the company’s regard themselves as at risk from going to see again and again.” Tyler Sullivan, who many setbacks. Sony was the world’s leading the sun, according to Gill Nuttall, Patrick Barkham skipped school to see television maker until 2006, when Samsung the president’s visit overtook it. The Play Station has since been to his father’s factory eclipsed by Nintendo’s Wii. The whole in Minneapolis. Linguistics and “Daddy” in early childhood. I corporation has lost money for the past was about six when I fi rst tried out three years ... Is it still OK to “Mum” and “Dad” – nobody else Oh dear. They must be sniggering into their at school was still using the other sushi down at Panasonic. First , Japanese peo- say ‘Mummy’? and as I had enough bullyable ple don’t just eat sushi. Second , Panasonic isn’t features beyond my control, I had sniggering into anything right now. On the same DAVID BEBBER DAVID to minimise all those that I could. day, its own share price fell below Y500 for the he general rule is that the After a few half-hearted attempts first time in 37 years. That old rivalry has got T posher you are, the longer to make me return to lisping rather maudlin recently. you go on calling your childhood innocence (“Wrong A bit of British spirit, that’s what they need PHOTOGRAPH parents by their childhood time, wrong place, wrong income to get them through this! That’s what they monickers. So it is only right that bracket,” I pointed out), the new have had. British-born, anyway. Sir Howard Charles should still use “Mummy” names stuck and my younger Stringer, who is now American, has been aged 63 , as he did in his post- sister naturally followed suit. chief executive since 2005, and he has done concert encomium on Monday But when Charles says sterling work. REX FEATURES REX FEATURES night. But there is a school of “Mummy”, it humanises both Oh, sure. I bet everybody’s thrilled. Well, thought that says only “Mama” him and the Queen. It is, after all,l, they don’t hate him, anyway. “Were it not and “Papa” should be used at the harder to revolt against a motherr for the strong leadership of Sir Howard Stringer top of the English class tree, which and son than a monarch and these past seven years, we would have leaves us with the thought that successor. Next time, she shouldd been in a much more difficult position,” says the royal off spring drop into the respond, “Aw, hello Chucky-egg!”” Kazuo Hirai. demotic to address their parents and secure the royals’ future for And he is? The new chief executive. as a hilarious family in-joke. the next 18 generations. Do say: “I’ve got it! Launch the iWalkman!” COVER ORIGINAL PHOTOGRAPH COVER Most of us stop using “Mummy” Lucy Mangan Don’t say: “We’ll always have Betamax.” Flagging it up Bottles canned TV viewing pacts The jubilee’s over but the union Can you imagine a world You know, when you watch bunting is still up. Euro 2012 in which you buy a something, always, with starts in two days. So should the carton of water instead the same person. And then union fl ags stay up for the of a bottle? These one week they sneak- Olympics or get swapped for St Aquapax cartons are watch “your” show without George’s crosses for the football? cropping up in cafes and you. This is wrong; that How is this going to work? shops. Tastes good. goes for boxed sets too. 06.06.12 The Guardian 3 Hadley Freeman After the jubilee, the next major event is – the end of the world! But how best to spend the last six months on earth? o now that we have ticked off the On the say for certain whether cats and dogs are living diamond jubilee, enjoying traditional together (the true sign of the end of the world, as S pastimes of Albion such as infl icting a upside, you all Ghostbusters fans know) but I do know that bladder infection on Prince Philip and won’t have some dude made a helicopter out of his dead cat watching Grace Jones hula hoop , let us last week and if that’s not straight out of the Book focus our attentions on the next major event of to worry of Revelations, well, I’ll eat my Orion Prophecy.