BLUISH old words make me sad like what carhop I've never said carhop in my life exactly, what about cardigan my aunt wore cardigans my Aunt Helen and she was sad there you go or not sad but kind of bluish kind of dusky she always showed up at our house at dusk with her mysterious blue luggage and sat beside me on the couch why you mean why on the couch yes so she could teach me the sleeper hold what's the sleeper hold you can totally paralyze your enemy with the sleeper hold show me she also taught me the word confidential wasn't that a magazine when I see the word confidential even now a whole atmosphere like a Humphrey Bogart movie comes out around it just put your lips together and blow then one day she wasn't around any more she didn't visit maybe she died it got all hush hush you know how they whisper together in the kitchen and stop when you come in the family shadow no one ever said aunts have a longitude yes unlike uncles uncles come in groups my uncles I remember always grouped around the stove on winter nights passing the whiskey watching the fire storytellers were they actually no they were mostly silent big silent men side by side sort of rustling not much talk I wonder are we better off with all our talk any stories they had were stories about snow the snow was mythic in those days and I remember that icy path from the kitchen to the outhouse, no one on it snow on it mother-of-God spotless in the moonlight show me the sleeper hold I can't ah she never got around to it ah I didn't know how to ask for things that's the whole trick isn't it no one knew how to ask each other anything families are a mystery shot of whiskey for the boy not much else ever said you often mention the outhouse why is that no I don't yes you do some Freudian thing is what you're implying not implying anything I merely wonder why you always mention the outhouse was it a two-seater ours was a two-seater yes so you could sit and shit alongside somebody else theoretically did you do that never if I could help it you preferred to be alone I went there to read lots of reading material in the outhouse usually newspapers but I took my book with me I can just see you heading down the path with a volume of Proust under each arm I hated it but those were happy days golden age it burned down the summer of the fires you crazy fuck don't look so sad she never got around to it why do you think that was is it important yes so maybe that's what it was what and I wonder where she got blue luggage in those days I'm going to ask Dave about Aunt Helen's luggage no the sleeper hold he's a medical man he may know it I wouldn't be surprised .