Message-Based Study Guide for Small Groups and Individuals Six Feet Apart - As You Wish Ephesians 5:21-28; Philippians 2:3-8 October 4-10, 2020 All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. --First sentence of Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina ​ In the line above, Tolstoy was conveying the point that happy families exhibit or practice some common critical behaviors and attitudes. Unhappy families, on the other hand, practice any number of negative behaviors or attitudes that lead to discontentment and unhappiness. This line has become commonly known as “the Anna Karenina principle” and has been applied to circumstances outside of families. Based on the Anna Karenina principal, for example, a couple must exhibit certain critical behaviors or attitudes for a marriage to be successful, a scientific process must contain certain critical elements to work, an employee must practice certain critical behaviors to be successful at the job, etc. Answer and discuss the following question with your group 1. Do you think a happy marriage just works or do you think it depends on certain fundamental behaviors and attitudes? What critical behaviors and attitudes are needed for a marriage to be happy? What kinds of behaviors or attitudes can lead to an unhappy marriage? Read the following excerpt out loud or watch message segment #1. An excerpt from the StoneBridge message, “As You Wish”. Today is an ingredient that if we will put into practice just might be the secret sauce. We don’t like this ingredient; we think that the secret sauce is a great body and a great paycheck. But if that was true, then Hollywood would be the picture of success when it comes to marriages. Richard Halverson, who was the Chaplin to the US Senate, said that in all his years in ministry he had come to the conclusion that 90% of marriage problems stemmed from the husband’s failure to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Marriage is about serving, not controlling. Read Ephesians 5:21-28 and answer/discuss the following questions. 2. Based on Ephesians 5:21-28, explain (1) what wives are commanded to do in a marriage and (2) what a husband’s critical responsibilities are in a marriage. Why are these commands not conditioned on whether the other spouse upholds his or her end of the bargain? Six Feet Apart – Lesson 4, page 1 Message-Based Study Guide for Small Groups and Individuals 3. While a husband may want to emphasize the wife’s obligations in Ephesians 5:22-24, explain how these obligations are designed to work in unity with the husband’s critical role in Ephesians 5:25-28. Explain how submission can be easy with a husband who truly sacrifices for his wife and whose primary goal is the happiness of his wife. 4. Is Ephesians 5:21-28 about control or about mutual sacrifice? Explain. 5. Which role in Ephesians 5:21-28 is more difficult, the wife’s role or the husband’s? Why? Read the following excerpt out loud or watch message segment #2. An excerpt from the StoneBridge message, "As You Wish”. To love and to cherish; that means I put her first. I say this a lot at weddings I do. As the bride and groom are standing up there, not really listening (but I hope they are), I say, “At this very moment you are laying down your rights. You are giving them up. Marriage is not about rights. It is about serving.” Servants don’t have any rights. When I make it about rights, I am making my marriage about me. Marriage is selfless. “Well then, I will never get to do anything.” I am not sure if I can come up with too many things that I didn’t get to do. OK guys – how can you do this? Number one, teach your kids to respect their mom. Honor father and mother is a commandment, but it is learned from the parents. Read Philippians 2:3-8 and answer/discuss the following questions. 6. Explain how the command in Philippians 2:3-4, and putting the interests of your spouse before your own, can be one of the critical behaviors that leads to a happy marriage. 7. Explain how building up your wife and emphasizing her value to your children, friends, and family can lead to strength and unity in a marriage. Can criticizing your spouse to friends or family be one of those practices that fails “the Anna Karenina principle” and leads to an unhappy marriage? Explain. Six Feet Apart – Lesson 4, page 2 Message-Based Study Guide for Small Groups and Individuals Reflection and Wrap-up 8. The phrase “As you wish” is something spoken by a servant. What sacrificial behaviors or attitudes do you (not your spouse) need to adopt in your marriage? ​ ​ Explain how sacrificial behaviors, as opposed to allowing your spouse to feel second to friends, family, hobbies, job, etc., can promote a healthy and loving marriage. 9. Does Ephesians 5:21-28 mean that women cannot assume strong, critically important, and leading roles in a marriage, the workplace, society and even the church? Explain. Pray Together as a Group Additional Study If you have time during your Small Group or you want to study more about the message topic, read and consider the following passages: ● Luke 10:25-37 ● Ephesians 4:2-3 ● Song of Solomon 6:3 Just Thinking ● Marriage is about sacrifice and service, not self-interest. ● How did Christ love the church? Loving my wife like that is a high bar. ● Little things in a marriage mean a lot, big things mean more. ● The Anna Karenina Principle is alive and well, I will adopt important attitudes and actions to emphasize and serve my spouse and strengthen my marriage. Six Feet Apart – Lesson 4, page 3 .