MARRIED TO THE CONFEDERACY: THE EMOTIONAL POLITICS OF CONFEDERATE WIDOWHOOD by ANGELA ESCO ELDER (Under the Direction of Stephen Berry) ABSTRACT Between 1861 and 1865, approximately three million men left for war; the war killed 750,000 of them. In the process, more than 200,000 white women became widows. This dissertation examines the complicated emotional and political relationships between Confederate widows and the Confederate state. Throughout the American Civil War, Confederate newspapers and government officials championed a particular version of white widowhood—the young wife who selflessly transferred her monogamous love from dead husband to the deathless cause for which he fought. Only then would their husbands live forever—as would their Cause. But a closer look at the letters and diaries of widows reveals that these women spent their new cultural capital with great practicality and shrewdness. Indeed, even as their culture created an entire industry in their name, widows played the role on their own terms to forward their own ends. Precisely because society invested widowhood with so much significance, it inadvertently created the stage upon which an unforeseen and unprecedented number of young Confederate women could be seen and heard. INDEX WORDS: American Civil War, Antebellum South, Confederacy, Death, Emotions History, Gender, Grief, Marriage, Widows, Women MARRIED TO THE CONFEDERACY: THE EMOTIONAL POLITICS OF CONFEDERATE WIDOWHOOD by ANGELA ESCO ELDER B.A., The University of Georgia, 2009 B.S.Ed., The University of Georgia, 2009 M.A., The University of Georgia, 2011 A Dissertation Submitted to the Graduate Faculty of The University of Georgia in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY ATHENS, GEORGIA 2016 © 2016 Angela Esco Elder All Rights Reserved MARRIED TO THE CONFEDERACY: THE EMOTIONAL POLITICS OF CONFEDERATE WIDOWHOOD by ANGELA ESCO ELDER Major Professor: Stephen Berry Committee: Kathleen Clark Lorri Glover John Inscoe Electronic Version Approved: Suzanne Barbour Dean of the Graduate School The University of Georgia May 2016 iv DEDICATION To Nathan Elder v ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS When I began my academic career in the Department of History at the University of Georgia, the faculty and staff left such an impression, that, well, I never left. Dr. Kathleen Clark set me on the path of gender history as an undergraduate, and has been there every step of the way ever since. Dr. Steve Nash encouraged me to consider graduate school. In my first seminar course as a master’s student, I discovered the world of Confederate widowhood with Dr. John Inscoe. Through my comprehensive exams, I worked with Dr. Benjamin Ehlers and Dr. Jim Cobb, two professors whose intelligence is matched only by their kindness. Along the way, I also picked up Dr. Lorri Glover, who despite the miles, signed on to my dissertation committee, and provided insightful feedback that has shaped this project in important ways. And of course, the unmatchable Dr. Steven Berry, my advisor in all things history, who challenged me not only to grow as a historian, but a writer. Words will always fall short in expressing my gratitude. Remarkable faculty aside, a parade of departmental graduate student workshops and speaker series, like the Southern Roundtable and Gender Workshop, have also strengthened this work. Our graduate student cohort is particularly wonderful, but I must especially thank Laura Davis, Kylie Hulbert, and Dave Thomson. From conference trips to weddings to an endless supply of office cookies, you have been so dear. I am also grateful for the generosity of Amanda and Greg Gregory who have supported both the department’s Civil War Era studies and this research project. And certainly, Samuel and Heather McGuire deserve a special thanks. In Sam’s dissertation acknowledgements, he vi deemed our friendship as one of “kindred souls.” I can think of no better way to put it, nor words to fully capture how special they, and my beautiful goddaughter Daisy, are to me. I owe a great debt to archivists, librarians, and researchers across many states. In my hunt for unpublished material relating to all facets of Confederate widowhood, I discovered just how generous, and gracious, an archival staff can be. I am thankful for the research funding I received from the Filson Historical Society, George Tyler Moore Center for the Study of the Civil War, Louisiana State University, and University of Georgia. Three published essays provided a testing ground for my ideas, and to the editors Tom Appleton, Lisa Tendrich Frank, Melissa McEuen, Natalia Starostina, and LeeAnn Whites – thank you. Friends and family outside of academia, including Lauren Costley, Beth Crowley, Diana Sargent, Jenna Sargent, Megan Upton, Valerie Thomason, and many others— thank you for the dinners, the distractions, and the constant supply of laughter. To my mother, Susan, your support has been invaluable, and you have read more drafts of this project, and accompanied me on more research trips, than anyone. To my brothers, James and Matthew, you have never let me forget the importance of a sense of humor. To my father, Jim, and his wife, thank you for the cookouts and late nights around the fire pit. My in-laws, Jerry and Phyllis, you have been nothing but encouraging over these many years, and for your ceaseless support, I am so grateful. And while I do adore my brother-in-law Philip, that love cannot compete with my love for the sister I always wanted, and finally got, in Catie. Little CJ, you bring light to our world. vii And then of course, there are two that have not been here from the beginning of this journey, but brought it to life in ways I could never have imagined. Noah, my sweet eldest, your resilient spirit, quiet humor, and affectionate nature continuously remind me what matters most. And Levi, my first and my baby, your love of learning, passion, and spunk has filled our family with an overflowing love. You both have torn library books, colored on student exams, fallen asleep to the sound of my computer keys, and been the most tremendous joys. Nathan, I could not have accomplished my goals without you by my side. This has been a partnership in every sense of the word. Writing about wives who lose their husbands has the not-so-surprising effect of encouraging a wife to appreciate what she has. Thank you. viii TABLE OF CONTENTS Page ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS .................................................................................................v CHAPTER INTRODUCTION ...............................................................................................................1 SECTION 1: TO HAVE AND TO HOLD 1 “BE MY WIFE”: LOVE AND LOSS IN THE ANTEBELLUM SOUTH .....26 2 “PREPARE FOR IT”: WEDDINGS, WAR, AND UNCERTAIN FUTURES ..............................................................................................................71 SECTION 2: TO LOVE, CHERISH, AND OBEY 3 “THE AGONY IT CONTAINS,” TO BE WIDOWED ................................106 4 LIVING THROUGH “THE HAROWS OF WAR” ......................................141 SECTION 3: TILL DEATH DO US PART 5 THE PERFORMANCE OF A LIFETIME ....................................................182 6 FROM SCARLETT TO ALBERTA, CONFEDERATE WIDOWS REMEMBERED ..................................................................................................215 REFERENCES ................................................................................................................235 1 INTRODUCTION “With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.” -Abraham Lincoln, Second Inaugural Address1 When Jefferson Davis completed his book, The Rise and Fall of the Confederate Government in 1881, he did not dedicate it to “officers and soldiers,” as Confederate Lieutenant-General James Longstreet did. Nor did Davis dedicate his writings to “the memory of the dead,” as Confederate Brigadier-General E. P. Alexander did. Instead, when the former leader of the Confederacy completed his first book, he dedicated it to “The Women of the Confederacy.” In his prolonged tribute, soldiers “died far from the objects of their tenderest love” while women supplied, soothed, and sustained with a “zealous faith in our cause.” Why? Why honor women before his friends who died in battle, or the veterans who survived it? Certainly, Davis recognized that many wives, mothers, and daughters sacrificed to further the Confederate cause, but perhaps there is something more. If Jefferson Davis, ex-president of the Confederate States of America, turned eyes to “the women,” the ones who “shone a guiding star undimmed by the darkest clouds of war,” the nation was not looking at the southern states’ recent rebellious and bloody behaviors. If the nation looked at women “whose annual tribute expresses their enduring grief, love, and reverence for our sacred dead,” the focus shifts from 1 This dissertation keeps all spelling and phrasing quoted from documents in its original form without including the intrusive [sic] notation, except for on occasions when punctuation has been converted to modern-day notations for clarity. Abraham Lincoln, “Second Inaugural Address,” March 4, 1865. 2 Confederate soldiers who killed to mourners