THE STORIES OF COMPLICATED GRIEVERS: AN EXAMINATION OF THE EFFECTS OF COMPLICATED GRIEVING ON THE NARRATIVES PEOPLE CREATE AFTER EXPERIENCING THE LOSS OF A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP by Caitie J. Donovan A Thesis Submitted to the Faculty of Purdue University In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the degree of Master of Arts Brian Lamb School of Communication West Lafayette, Indiana August 2019 2 THE PURDUE UNIVERSITY GRADUATE SCHOOL STATEMENT OF COMMITTEE APPROVAL Dr. Ralph Webb, Chair Brian Lamb School of Communication Dr. Robin P. Clair Brian Lamb School of Communication Dr. Jake Burdick Department of Curriculum and Instruction Approved by: Dr. William B. Collins Head of the Graduate Program 3 To Mom and Dad, it never would have been possible without the sacrifices you both made to get me to this point. Thank you for your love, support, and for always being there to cheer me on. 4 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS To Dr. Ralph Webb: Thank you so much for your unwavering support through this whole process. Thank you for the invaluable advice and direction you have provided to me. Thank you for taking the time to read all my work even when it wasn’t close to being good. Thank you for all the cups of coffee and for always asking me how I was doing in life. It served as an important reminder that while this project is important, it is important to just be a person as well. Your encouragement when I was unsure and your belief that this project would be good and interesting has helped me to push through the feelings of stress and discouragement that grad school inevitably creates. Thank you so much Ralph, I could not have asked for a better advisor. To Dr. Jake Burdick and Dr. Robin Clair: Thank you for your support and patience as I developed this project. Thank you for all the advice and criticism you gave that allowed me to become a better writer and a better academic. Thank you for bringing excitement and interest in this project. You have challenged me and helped me grow which will be invaluable as I move forward in life. To Kelsey Eversole: It is with 100% certainty that I say I could not have finished without you. You were there when I needed to lose my mind, when I needed a distraction, or when I just needed to do a puzzle. You are one of the most wonderful humans I know. I am so grateful for how kind and steady and smart you are. I feel like this whole project is infused with your light and energy and encouragement. I owe you so much more than this small acknowledgement but here it is anyway. Thank you. To Mom and Dad: I love you guys. Thank you for always loving and supporting me. You both inspire me to see the best in people and to stick through things even when they are hard. You are always only a phone call away if I need you. Thank you for everything you have given up to give me the world. I appreciate all that you are and all that you do. To Emilly Martinez and Virginia Sanchez: Thank you ladies in particular for not only always inviting me to work with you but for providing invaluable advice that truly helped this project 5 come together when I was unsure how to move forward. You kept me on track with my writing and always were there to listen if I was feeling frustrated with my data. To my Grad School Family: Thank you to every single person who has worked with me, supported me, offered advice or encouragement, or just been there to have some fun when it was time for a break. Each and every one of you means the world to me and I am so happy to have been able to spend these last two years in your world. If they say it takes a village to raise a kid, then you are the village that is going to get this thesis off to its’ first day of college. I love and cherish you all. To Gina, Adrienne, and Taly: Even though all of you are far away, you have all made sure to keep me in your arms. You have picked up the phone to listen to me cry or complain or to share good news. You have flown out here to see my Indiana places and meet my Indiana friends. You have all been loving me for a long time and I love you guys right back. I have never once had to feel alone because I know the deep trust, loyalty, and support I have in you. There aren’t enough words to express the level of gratitude I feel towards you all. Thank you. 6 TABLE OF CONTENTS LIST OF TABLES .......................................................................................................................... 8 ABSTRACT .................................................................................................................................... 9 CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION ........................................................................................... 10 CHAPTER TWO: LITERATURE REVIEW ............................................................................... 12 Relationships and Grieving ....................................................................................................... 12 Relationship Dissolution ....................................................................................................... 12 Grief .......................................................................................................................................... 13 Complicated Grief ................................................................................................................. 16 Narrative Theory ....................................................................................................................... 17 Narrative Inquiry ................................................................................................................... 17 Narrative Coping ................................................................................................................... 20 Narrative Therapy ................................................................................................................. 22 RQ1: What similarities and differences exist between complicated and healthy grievers in the break-up narratives that people create about their former relationship? .................................. 25 RQ2: What types of narratives should be encouraged or avoided in order to help more people experience healthy grief rather than complicated grief? ........................................................... 25 CHAPTER THREE: METHODOLOGY ..................................................................................... 26 Sample ...................................................................................................................................... 27 Procedure .................................................................................................................................. 28 Analysis .................................................................................................................................... 30 Inventory of Complicated Grief ............................................................................................ 31 CHAPTER FOUR: FINDINGS .................................................................................................... 34 Similarity in Narratives ............................................................................................................. 34 View of Partner ..................................................................................................................... 35 View of Self .......................................................................................................................... 38 Blame .................................................................................................................................... 41 Participant Attributed Blame ............................................................................................ 41 Ex-Partner Attributed Blame ............................................................................................ 46 View of Relationship ............................................................................................................ 48 7 View of the Future ................................................................................................................ 51 Coping Mechanisms .............................................................................................................. 54 Differences in Narratives .......................................................................................................... 58 Blame .................................................................................................................................... 59 View of Relationships ........................................................................................................... 61 Coping Mechanisms .............................................................................................................. 65 CHAPTER FIVE: DISCUSSION ................................................................................................. 68 Similarities of the Narratives .................................................................................................... 68 View of Partner ..................................................................................................................... 68 View of Self .......................................................................................................................... 70 Blame .................................................................................................................................... 71 View of Relationship ...........................................................................................................