DOCUMENT RESUME ED 418 784 PS 026 357 AUTHOR Freeman, Carol Goldberg TITLE Living with a Work in Progress: A Parents' Guide to Surviving Adolescence. INSTITUTION National Middle School Association, Columbus, OH. ISBN ISBN-1-56090-113-6 PUB DATE 1996-00-00 NOTE 56p.; Illustrations by Katie Sullivan. AVAILABLE FROM National Middle School Association, 2600 Corporate Exchange Drive, Suite 370, Columbus, OH 43231-1672; phone: 800-528-NMSA (NMSA Stock No. 1237). PUB TYPE Books (010) Guides Non-Classroom (055) EDRS PRICE MF01/PC03 Plus Postage. DESCRIPTORS *Adolescent Development; *Adolescents; *Child Rearing; Developmental Stages; *Humor; Intermediate Grades; Parent Attitudes; *Parent Child Relationship; Parent Role; Parents; Puberty; Secondary Education; Student Problems IDENTIFIERS Adolescent Attitudes; *Adolescent Behavior; Anecdotes ABSTRACT This book is a collection of essays on all of the common problems, experiences, and humorous anecdotes of adolescence. It is written to alter the common negative perception of adolescence and instill a feeling of celebration of this period of tremendous change in children's lives. Following an introductory section, the second section cf the bcok, "Uncomalon' Traits," discusses privacy issues, mother and daughter relationships, limits, and eating disorders. The third section, "Friendship," explores choosing friends, rejection, new friends, wanting to belong, jealousy, and "telephonitis." The fourth section, "Schoolwork," looks at respect, adjusting to school, the report card, and stress. The fifth section, "Boyfriends & Girlfriends," discusses being pursued, being in love, and saying no. The sixth section, "Beyond Academics," explores spring sports, fear of failure, networking, gender-stereotyping, and dealing with grief and loss. The seventh section, "Togetherness," discusses feeling needed, surprises, snow days, and the annual Christmas letter. The eighth section, "Letting Go," discusses summer camp, the graduation dress, and a time of self-discovery. The final section provides a brief, humorous summary of the period of adolescence. (SD) ******************************************************************************** Reproductions supplied by EDRS are the best that can be made from the original document. ******************************************************************************** U S DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION Office of Educational Research and Improvement EDUCATIONAL RESOURCES INFORMATION CENTER (ERIC) ,This document has been reproduced as received from the person or organization originating it qt.? Minor changes have been made to r-00 improve reproduction quality 00 Points of view or opinions stated in this rl document do not necessarily represent Vr official OERI position or policy A Parents' Guide to Surviving Adolescence by Carol Goldberg Freeman Illustrations by Katie Sullivan illAhil, r s PERMISSION TO REPRODUCE AND DISSEMINATE THIS MATERIAL HAS BEEN GRANTED BY TO THE EDUCATIONAL RESOURCES INFORMATION CENTER (ERIC) BEST COP HBLE National Middle School Association Living witha Work in Progress A Parents' Guide to Surviving Adolescence by Carol Goldberg Freeman Illustrations by Katie Sullivan National Middle School Association Columbus, Ohio 3 National Middle School Association 2600 Corporate Exchange Drive, Suite 370 Columbus, Ohio 43231 1-800-528-NMSA NMSA National Middle School Association is a non-profit organization devoted solely to improving the education and development of young adolescentsthose between the ages of approximately 10-15. Membership is open to parents and citizens generally as well as to educators. For information on NMSA and its many services call 1-800-528-NMSA or write our national head- quarters, 2600 Corporate Exchange Drive, Suite 370, Columbus, OH 43231. Copyright 1996 by National Middle School Association All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without permission in writing from the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews or articles. The materials presented herein are the expressions of the author and do not necessarily represent the policies of NMSA. NMSA is a registered servicemark of National Middle School Association. Printed in the United States of America. NMSA stock number 1237. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Freeman, Carol Goldberg, date Living with a work in progress: a parents' guide to surviving adolescence/by Carol Goldberg Freeman. p. cm. ISBN 1-56090-113-6 (pbk.) 1. TeenagersFamily relationships. 2. Child rearing. 3. Parent and teenager. 4. Adolescent psychology. I. Title. HQ796,F7636 1996 649' . 125dc20 96-36304 CIP 4 Table of Contents Prologue 1 Our National Secret Weapon Uncommon Traits 5 Snits, Zits, and Flammable Hair Privacy...Mothers and Daughters...Limits...Eating Disorders Friendship 13 Susie Teitlebaum and Other Tales of Woe "I have no friends "... Choosing Their Friends...Rejection...A New Friend... Wanting to Belong... Jealousy... Telephonitis Schoolwork 23 Choosing Your Battles Respect...Adjusting to School... The Report Card... Stress Boyfriends & Girlfriends 31 Life on the Richter Scale Being Pursued...In Love... Saying "No" Beyond Academics 37 Expanding the Repertoire Spring Sports...Fear of Failure...Networking...Gender-stereotyping...Dealing with Grief and Loss Togetherness 45 Devil's Island Revisited Feeling Needed... Surprise Me... Snow Days... The Annual Christmas Letter Letting Go 51 Not Until Their Teeth Are in a Jar Summer Camp... The Graduation Dress...A Time of Self-discovery Epilogue 57 Change is More than Reupholstering the Couch 5 With love and thanks to Brian, Tamara, Bill, and Truffle who are always with me to share the sorrows, create the joys, and make me laugh at those times when nothing seems funny. PROLOGUE Our National Secret Weapon BEST COPYAVAILABLE 7 Living with a Work in Progress: A Parents' Guide to Surviving Adolescence is a collection of articles on everything from anorexia to telephones to stereotyping to rejection. As its author, I hope to offer a few practical sug- gestions, a hearty laugh, and a reminder that your kid is not the onlyone who eats the science experiment. The brevity of the articlesassumes that two minutes and thirty seconds is, likely, the maximum amount of uninter- rupted time in your day. Why is it that as the word "adolescence" is uttered, adults from Santa Clara to Chattanooga start to twitch and grip the arms of their chairsas if they are about to under- go a root canal with a pick-ax? Why is it that adolescents are often considered our national secret weapon? This book is designed to alter your perspective and helpyou look forward to a period that will never be dull. Thus, this book is written in celebration of adolescence. We need to celebrate this period of tremendous change. We need to helpour chil- dren celebrate their adolescence. For those readers who hyperventilate when the Cheerios are put back in the pantry on the "Oodles of Noodles" shelf, embracing change may prove extremely challenging. In fact, there are only two thingsyou can count on: nothing is pre- dictable and everything constantly changes. Reassuring message, isn't it? So, whenyour kids announce that they are going to color their hair in alternatingrows of purple, lime green, and glow-in-the-dark orange, you are faced with a dilemma. On the one hand,you could shout, "fine, but you're not leaving this house tillyou have more wrinkles than a dried prune and your teeth are in a jar!" or you could do whatmy cousin Irma did. Celebrate the moment. She spray painted some mop refillsso she had enough for the entire family to wear. Then, the next night at dinner even the dogwas wearing a mop on top of its head. And all Irma ever said to her son was, "pass the butter, Honey." I'm not saying that you should skip around the house singing "Zippity-Do-Da" and waving to the bluebirds. But, perspective is everything. So celebrate their adolescence. If 8 3 your kids are not mutilating themselves or tying the dog to their rollerblades, celebrate these moments. Enjoy the zaniness of it all. As you try to keep pace with the changes, keep in mind that you are living with a work in progress. And, when you put this book down you may discover that your kids have been cut- ting holes in the $40 jeans so they can look "cool." Before you grab the jeans and shriek, "you want ripped jeans? I'll show you ripped!" remember they will wear them that way and in front of your friends. So, instead, I'd opt for telling them that the going rate is $10 a hole, and as soon as they pay you, they can have them back. Carol Goldberg Freeman 9 4 Uncommon Traits: Snits, Zits, and Flammable Hair 5 C EST COPY AVAILAW TA/elcome to a retreat from the stresses and demands of everyday life, yet complete with all the modern conveniences. Enjoy your own special world. Above all, complete privacy is assured. Sound like an ad for an exotic Caribbean island? A Rockresort, perhaps? Believe me, this is no day at Elizabeth Arden. This is your kid's bedroomaccording to your kid, of course, not you. This sanctuary, almost religious in their minds, describes the dungeon to which we firmly sent our kids in the good old days as a cooling off place until they were civilized enough to join the rest of the family. Remember? Now they come home from school, dump their book-bags on the kitchen floor, grab a couple of double-stuffs, and they're off and running. Where? To their room. Why? To call the friends they just saw in school all day. Everything they truly value is safely smooshed and push-pinned into their rooms. The ski jacket, the soccer ball, the telephone, the Michael Jordan poster, 365 pages of the 1993 Joke-of-the-Day Calendar, Irving the gerbil, and that's only what we can see at a quick, surreptitious peek (Interestingly, note where they choose to leave the book-bag!) This rite of passage is really quite a normal developmental stage. For a period varying anywhere from one to three years, adolescents will rarely exit their room except to go to the mall.