ANGER MANAGEMENT WORKBOOK WHAT CAUSES ANGER? Some common causes of The causes vary from person to person anger include: and from situation to situation. Stress Anger affects your body. Stress related to work, family, When you get angry, your body creates health and money problems may energy. make you feel anxious and irritable. Here’s what happens: • Adrenaline and other chemicals enter your bloodstream. Frustration You may get angry if you fail to • Your heart pumps faster. reach a goal or feel as if things are Your blood flows more quickly. • out of your control. • Your muscles tense. Everyone gets angry sometimes. Fear Handling anger well can help you: Anger is a natural response to • Overcome problems threats of violence, or to physical or verbal abuse. • Reach your goals • Stay healthy Annoyance • Feel better about yourself You may react in anger to minor But too much anger or irritations and daily hassles. uncontrolled anger can cause problems. Disappointment Examples: Anger often results when • Problems in your relationships with expectations and desires aren’t met. family and friends • Problems at work Resentment • Legal and financial troubles You may feel angry when you’ve been hurt, rejected or offended. • Physical and mental health problems 2 POORLY HANDLED But ignoring anger or giving up control over it can lead to: ANGER CAN CAUSE Physical health problems MANY These may include: PROBLEMS. • Headaches Some people try to pretend they aren’t • Sleep problems angry. Other people feel as if their • Digestive problems anger is out of control. They don’t believe they can handle it. • High blood pressure Heart problems Depression • Anger that’s kept bottled up can affect your thoughts and feelings. You may Poor decision making begin to feel unhappy and lose interest in Anger can make it hard to think clearly. things you used to enjoy, such as You may have trouble concentrating or hobbies, work, friends or sex. may use poor judgment. This can lead to car crashes, injuries and other problems. Problems at work If you blow up on the job, co-workers, Problems with relationships supervisors and customers may develop If you can’t control your anger, you may a negative impression of you. Your end up insulting, criticizing or career may suffer as a result. threatening those close to you. They may respond with anger or resentment. Alcohol or other drug problems Getting angry may also keep you from You may use alcohol or other drugs to telling your loved ones how you really try to: feel. • Dull anger and other strong feelings Low self-esteem If you have trouble managing anger, you Forget about the negative • may feel bad about yourself. You may consequences of an angry outburst. feel as if you have little control over But using alcohol or other drugs won’t what happens. solve any problems. And it usually results in more anger and problems. 3 WHAT SETS YOU OFF? Different things trigger a person’s anger. Some common triggers are listed below. Check the ones that trigger your anger. Use the blank spaces to fill in your own triggers. I feel angry when I: I feel angry when faced with these □ Think I am treated unfairly events or situations: □ Am embarrassed □ Traffic jams and encounters with other □ Feel ignored drivers □ Don’t get credit for something I’ve □ Conflict at work done □ Family arguments □ Have to follow orders □ Child misbehavior or temper tantrums □ Fail at something or don’t do □ Waiting in line at the bank, store, etc. something well □ Financial problems □ Feel helpless or out of control □ Yelling or loud noises □ Get jealous □ Mistakes or errors □ _____________________________ □ Wasted time □ _____________________________ □ Losing a game or a contest □ _____________________________ □ Name-calling or teasing □ _____________________________ □ Child abuse □ Prejudice toward anyone I feel angry when people: □ Mistreatment of animals □ insult me □ ____________________________ □ criticize me or my work □ ____________________________ □ don’t listen to me disagree with me □ ____________________________ □ don’t work as hard as I do □ ____________________________ □ lie to me □ tell me what to do □ are rude or inconsiderate Once you’re aware of things that set you off, □ are late you can work to change the way you respond □ don’t act or feel the way I think they to them. should □ _____________________________ □ _____________________________ □ _____________________________ 4 Date and Trigger My anger My anger What I did in How I felt time warning rating response afterward signs 1= mild . 2= moderate 3= severe . several days keep track of things that trigger youranger trigger that things of track dayskeep several next the Over journal. your start to pages 2 these Use JOURNAL.” “ANGER AN KEEP . 5 When you get angry, ask yourself: BE AWARE OF HIDDEN ANGER. Are my level of anger and my reaction Sometimes what triggers your out of proportion to the trigger? anger isn’t the only thing Do you seem to overreact to minor causing angry feelings. annoyances? Perhaps there is something else on your mind that’s making you angry. What are your warning signs? Am I directing my anger at an Think about how you feel when you get angry. innocent person? Check the warning signs you often have when Are you really angry with the person who you get angry. Write in signs that aren’t listed. triggered your feelings? For example, suppose you have a disagreement with your boss. It My warning signs are: bothers you all day, but you say nothing. □ Tense muscles Later, you let your anger out by blowing up at □ Tight fists your partner or child. □ Clenched jaw □ Sweaty palms □ Racing heartbeat Am I taking something personally? □ Fast breathing Learning to deal well with anger means □ Trembling or feeling shaky learning not to take problems or arguments □ Feeling warm or flushed personally. □ Upset stomach □ Loud or mean voice Is this how I usually respond in □ __________________________ similar situations? □ __________________________ You may respond with anger in certain □ __________________________ situations because that’s what you’ve always □ __________________________ done. You may have learned this behavior □ __________________________ growing up. But you can change the way you □ __________________________ react. Am I trying to take charge with my Talk with your health-care provider. anger? Certain physical and mental health problems, Anger is a common reaction when a person such as Alzheimer’s disease or brain injury, feels as if he or she is losing control. But the may increase your anger. And handling anger best way to show control is to react calmly and poorly can lead to health problems. Talk to manage your feelings. your health-care provider about your anger and how it affects you. Have regular checkups. HOW ANGER CAN The results of uncontrolled 6 HELP YOU anger may include: Learning to recognize and express anger appropriately can make a big Verbal attacks or physical difference in your life. assaults Anger can help you: You may lose control and attack others physically or verbally. For example, you may: Reach goals § Throw or break things Trying to reach a goal can be frustrating. Frustration can lead to anger, which in § Yell, insult or threaten turn can motivate you to work harder. § Slap, shove, kick or hit. Communicate with others Talking about your anger can help keep it from building up. You may release Abuse tension and enjoy better communication Tension and frustration may build. with family, friends and co-workers. Family members may become your target, even if your anger has little to do Solve problems with them. The abuse may be: Anger is a sign that something is wrong. § Physical It may serve as a warning for you to § Verbal think about your feelings and attitudes. § Sexual Handle emergencies and protect yourself Anger can cause an immediate burst of Other criminal behavior strength and energy. This allows you to Anger is often a driving force behind: react quickly if you’re in danger. § Destruction of property § Murder § Other violent crimes You can find ways to help anger work for you – not against you. 7 DEALING WITH SOMEONE ELSE’S ANGER Here are some tips: Meditation Keep your cool. This can help calm you and clear your mind of anger. Follow these steps: Don’t answer anger with anger. 1. Find a quite place. Wear loose, Remember that anger can lead people to say things they don’t really mean. comfortable clothing. Sit or lie down. Criticism, threats or name-calling won’t 2. Close your eyes. Take slow, deep help resolve the situation. breaths. Don’t take it personally. 3. Concentrate on a single word, object or Try to understand why the person is calming thought. angry. His or her feelings may have 4. Don’t worry if other thoughts or images little or nothing to do with you. enter your mind while you are doing Listen to the person. this. Just relax and return to what you Sometime an angry person just needs to were focusing on. “blow off steam”. Let the person 5. Continue until you feel relaxed and express his or her feelings. Don’t interrupt. Maintain eye contact to show refreshed. you are listening. Deep-breathing exercises Think of solutions together. These can help keep anger from getting out of If you’re having a conflict with control. Follow these steps: someone, try to find solutions that you 1. Sit comfortably or lie on your back. can both agree on. Do this only when 2. Breathe in slowly and deeply for a count you are both calm. of 5. Don’t take chances. 3. Hold your breath for a count of 5. § If you’re worried about your 4. Breathe out slowly for a count of 5, safety, get help right away.