volume 14 - issue 10 - tuesday, november, 5, 2013 - uvm, burlington, vt uvm.edu/~watertwr - thewatertower.tumblr.com 42523. the end of uvm confessions by mikestorace by wesdunn Rest in peace, Lou Reed. You will be Around the end of last week, long remembered by the world of Rock UVM Confessions, the Facebook and Roll. On October 28th, Lou passed page devoted to anonymous post- away due to liver failure after a transplant ing “liked” by around half of the he received in April did not stick. It ap- university’s population, was no pears that Reed’s massive alcohol and drug more. In the wake of pressure use finally overcame him at the age of 71. from the administration, the ad- Lou had a good run at the top (and in the ministrators of the page have been middle), and he has left a massive wave of forced to surrender and flee to the influence in his wake. safer ground of a new page en- It seems like everyone in the past week titled “Burlington Confessions (in has paid tribute to the late music visionary, no way, shape, or form, associated including David Byrne, The Who, Arcade with the University of Vermont or Fire, and the Arctic Monkeys, among oth- its affiliates).” ers. These tributes have come over Twitter, According to Luke Rossi, one through covers at concerts, or in inter- of the formerly anonymous admins views. Win Butler states a few words in a of the page, the demise of UVM Reedesque voice at the beginning of their Confessions began with Nick Ne- new song “Normal Person” and gave Lou grete, the Assistant Dean of Stu- a tribute on their recent concert on NPR. dents, contacting one of the page’s David Byrne stated in an interview that three admins for a meeting. He Lou is “one of the heroes” of the Talking proceeded to express that “[some] Heads, who basically created alternative UVM confessions that are being music as it is today. shared among the student commu- I guess Lou Reed may be personally nity [are having] a negative impact usually greeted with comments of support was that. responsible for the contemporary world of on student experience.” and references to CAPS, and often just the The fact that the University thought music. And for that I’d like to say thanks, Negrete proceeded to lay out some of act of putting themselves out there helped UVM Confessions would come off as an Lou. And it’s not just his influence that is the administration’s other concerns and is- the people in question feel better. official page seems a little weird to me. impressive, but the scope of his music that sues with the page, including the idea that The other major concern, on the part The argument that it would even appear has really solidified him in the hearts and the raunchier posts would to be supported by the minds of anyone who has listened to his appear to be sanctioned ‘while student safety is an understandably valid University also seems songs. Reed plays punk, he plays plain old by the University; and that far-fetched. We don’t see rock, and he can rip on the guitar with a the suicide-related posts concern of the administration, confessions has other colleges shutting unique twanging style. were troubling, due to the down their confessions Lou’s passing has enticed me into re- inability to figure out who proved to be a helpful outlet and assistance or “missed connections” listening to every song he’s helped create sent them in and whether pages, and there are cer- (except that Metallica collaboration obvi- or not they need help. resource,’ said rossi tainly many of them out ously) to get a better insight into the man. “While student safety there. So why did UVM Lou Reed is part mystery, part drug addict, is an understandably valid of the University, was that the page was us- decide to tackle this so aggressively? and part hopeless romantic, searching for concern of the administration, Confes- ing the term “UVM” and thereby could be I’m inclined to think it’s because UVM something that even he has trouble defin- sions has proved to be a helpful outlet and construed as an officially sanctioned Uni- cares so much about this idea of “image.” ing. Whether it was with the Velvet Under- assistance resource,” said Rossi. “I’m sure versity of Vermont page. This is what seems UMass Amherst couldn’t give two shits ground or his solo efforts, Lou was a poet they’re truly concerned for these student’s to have really brought the page down. Ne- about its confessions page, for example. But of the human soul. He put to words how I safety, but closing one of their few discus- grete explained that it was a violation of the UVM, the most expensive state school in feel when I’m depressed, how I feel when sion outlets isn’t the way to go.” “Trademarks Policy as well as the Univer- the nation, is deeply invested in and serious I’m excited, and how I feel when I’m in Indeed, numerous people have come sity Name, Symbols, Letterhead and Other about its recruitment. It wants prospective love. Whenever I feel gloomy or longing, forward on the page and to the admins say- Proprietary Indicia or Affiliation Policy,” students (read: prospective parents) to see I put on Lou’s music and I feel his words ing that when they were down, the ability and legal action was threatened. The ad- a polished façade, a story that anyone em- form the essence of my being. Listen to his to post without consequences helped them mins petitioned Facebook to allow them to ploying common sense should see through jangling guitar and you will feel the same. get through their troubles. Their posts were change the name, didn’t hear back, and that in an instant. Lou contributed to five albums with ... read the rest on page 5 ... read the rest on page 10 hcol dropouts li-fi: the new wifi the etymology of swears underrated fashions by colinwalker by julianaroen and by amydorfman lauragreenwood by staceybrandt Dear cat lady, I really lucked out with respect to my roommate: we’re totally soulmates. We watch movies together, share clothes, and just get each other. But, even still, there’s just something about her I can’t with jamiebeckett and katjaritchie stand: she smells. I mean, really smells. I’m not sure if it’s her feet, pits, or breath, but something about her just reeks. I tell her the reason for my opening the window is because I’m hot-blooded Scratchy Beards: Novembeard is here, and while some of you may and like the breeze, but in reality I’m desperate to get rid of that stink! Should I tell her and risk be able to grow manly beards seemingly overnight, note that this is jeopardizing our spectacular bond? Or sit in silence and stank? not the case for most. Some of your less-hairy peers, such as myself, struggle even to fill in their patchy excuse for facial hair. These Sincerely, students suffer for a month in a state of perpetual itchiness to prove Can’t breathe through my nose their manhood to one another. To many, their beards are an outward sign of their inner turmoil. Dear Can’t Breathe, Cheap-Ass Candy: Now that Halloween is over, Thanksgiving is Let me preface by saying that’s really fucking gross and I am so sorry. Dorm rooms are already merely a bump in the road on the way to a winter wonderland. This small and often filled with enough offensive odors without your goddamn roommate stanking up means that every retail chain in America is hell-bent on clearing out the place. This is kind of a sensitive topic, because no one wants to hear that they’re icky, but if it’s the candy to make way for paper turkeys and clearly Christmas-ori- bothering you that much, it might be time to pipe up. Try starting jokingly, like after she kicks her ented “Season’s Greetings” signs that barely pass for secular. Candy sneakers off when coming home from the gym; if you introduce the topic at a time where everyone’s is dirt fucking cheap right now, and while fun-size Snickers by the prone to smell a little funky, it’ll soften the blow. Or take her to Bath & Body Works on Church metric ton provide a brief rush of pleasure, they’re also contributing Street during your next girl-sesh and douse her in sensual daisy vanilla amber body glitter splash, significantly to our layer of winter hibernation blubber. Time to get or whatever the fuck they’re pushing this season: who doesn’t like testing free perfume? If all else up close and personal with the fat pants in the backs of our closets fails, you could also just kill her. Give me a shout if push comes to shove; I know a guy. (don’t you lie to me; I know you have a pair). xo (at arm’s length), Cat Lady Group Projects: You mean to say that this past month I was ex- pected to perform research, conduct an interview and be ready to present it coherently in front of the class? Good thing those dead- Sometimes reading the water tower makes our readers want to get lines are ages away, right? Emerging from this Halloween’s drunken naked and fight the power.