CHECKS & BALANCES well — they toed the line, they appeared to Go over on a Motzaei Shabbos to talk shteig in yeshivah and kollel — suddenly with him, drive him places, go walking with RAV ELYA BRUDNY become unrecognizable. Three months him. Make it a priority. Go with your wife. after they’ve gone to work, they look Include her in the process. Learn a sefer different. It’s very unsettling. What with her as well. happened? Becoming a Zevulun is an avodah, not The factor that creates a Torahdig balabos a vacation from avodah, and it takes work lies in a single word: shei’fos. Spiritual goals. just like everything else in life. Dreams of growth. That’s it. And always, always keep the balance. It Was There A person, a couple, with dreams of Don’t go to sudden extremes. Be a growth, are Torahdig. If they are aware of wholesome person, a good husband, and a what they’re accomplishing and they live good father. Invest time and real attention with spiritual reckoning, they will remain to creating satisfying relationships with connected to Torah. every member of your family, which will be All Along I recently heard something that moved a starting point for whatever goals you have me. A gentleman in Lakewood, a balabos, in life. wanted to have a connection with Rav Then, if you have true ahavas Torah, if Shlomo Feivel Schustal. When Rav Shlomo your wife and children see how much it Chazal analyze and identify the pivotal element Feivel moved to Lakewood, this man asked means to you, they will want to make it that creates that difference. for a seder with the Rosh Yeshivah, who had possible for you to learn. No one can leave Today, we see two types of balabatim: the balabos a very full schedule. Where did they find kollel and evolve into a true Torahdig who is fully engaged in making a living yet he the time to learn? He offered to drive Rav balabos if he’s not in partnership with his remains a ben Torah, and the balabos who enters Shlomo Feivel to yeshivah each day. Once family. the workplace and completely leaves yeshivah a day, during this five-minute drive, they Finally, let the Torah shine its light into behind. learn mussar. They’ve almost completed every area of your life. There is no decision What’s the difference? the entire Shaarei Teshuvah. Because this in life, no area, which isn’t rich in Torah; Chazal will often People don’t just suddenly split into two man realized that Olam Hazeh is a tough whatever questions you’re facing, expose camps the instant they enter the workforce. The place — it pulls you down and tries to break your family — and yourself — to the depth point to a case of differences must have been present before, even if you — he found himself something to keep of chochmas haTorah on that topic. If you they weren’t always apparent or evident. In the case him inspired. want to institute a minhag or practice, of these two working men, both learned in yeshivah learn through it with them, let them feel it two people who and kollel, but one was always deeply connected to Baruch Hashem, we the way you do. Show them that Torah isn’t the Torah with nothing else competing for his mind have choshuve, just something we learn, but the way we and heart. When this person leaves kollel because serious, talented live. Don’t live superficial lives, but lives in appear to be similar reality dictates that he feed his family — he signed rabbanim in most which Torah shows color and meaning to a kesubah and undertook to support his wife, after communities — every detail. and experience all — he remains the same person. He is essentially people who can keep If you’re committed to living within the connected to the Torah just as he always was, and your vision intact, parameters of His Will, you will find out the Torah itself is guiding him in this decision. your hopes intact, how vast the Torah is — and how great you identical situations, The second one, however, learned well, but he and who can keep can become — whatever you are doing from was always drawn in by the world beyond the beis B imbuing you with nine to five. — medrash. He leaves kollel for the same reason, shei’fos. You can be yet their outcomes but he runs headfirst into the world that has been the one to start the chaburah or shiur; you Rav Elya Brudny is a rosh yeshivah in Mir- beckoning for so long. can incorporate the time into your weekly Brooklyn and a member of the Moetzes are very different The moment that the doors to the outside world schedule. Asei lecha rav, v’histalek min Gedolei Torah of Agudath Israel of America. open is the moment you see what was really going hasafek. Make yourself a rav, and remove The above is based on the Rosh Yeshivah’s on all along. yourself from doubt. (Avos 1:16). Letting a words at the most recent Agudah It’s very sad to see people who really learned rav into your life makes everything clearer. Convention. 44 MISHPACHA CHECKS & BALANCES us, for those 14 years, Yaakov did not sleep one of his letters, Rav Wolbe writes that a in a bed. He pushed himself to learn, even ben Torah going into the workplace should when tired. seek to maintain the same levush — style of What a preparation for going out to work! dress — for precisely the reason that he will RAV YISROEL REISMAN Yeshivas Sheim v’Eiver taught mesirus thus maintain the self-image of a ben Torah. nefesh for learning. Learning when it is Beyond the clothing, however, the difficult. most important element in maintaining this self-image is the actual learning. If a working ben Torah’s learning falters, and Is preparing for the he is unsuccessful in adhering to the kvias Battle That workplace all about itim that he envisioned, he will develop learning? a negative self-image. If he sees himself Of course not. as having fallen, he may sense that he is Young men making no longer a ben Torah. It is a feeling that, this transition need chalilah, can feed on itself. This is why Entropy to prepare for the a late-night mishmar, Torah sedorim, new nisyonos they Yarchei Kallah on secular holidays, and At that point, the answer is certainly that he will. are bound to face — Shabbos sedorim are so important. After all, a person who is currently learning full-time I the challenges of a Chazal teach, “L’olam yilmad adam undoubtedly appreciates the value of Torah study. secular environment b’makom shelibo chafetz — a person should Chazal will often point What happens later? What causes some young with different values than those of the study that which his heart desires.” A men to fall in this area? yeshivah. What will they do the first time a person will succeed in his learning and will to a case of two people Entropy is the natural tendency of things to slide coworker makes an off-color joke? What if focus more effectively when he chooses an into increased levels of disorder and chaos, unless it’s the boss? Laugh? Smile? area of study for which he has an inborn great effort is expended to avoid this. Couple that I know people who have earned the drive. who appear to be with our tendency to focus on the new and most respect of their coworkers so that they no These words obligate us. In preparing immediate challenges in life, and it grows clear longer make these jokes in their presence. for kvias itim, search for a section of Torah why a young man who leaves yeshivah to enter the But it is difficult to get to that point. It takes that will resonate for you. Is it halachah similar and experience workforce focuses primarily on succeeding at his unusual strength of character, and must l’maaseh, is it the lomdus of the yeshivah new occupation and doesn’t manage to set aside always be accompanied by an admirable masechtos, or is it the drive to finish identical situations, yet adequate time for learning. degree of interpersonal behavior. People masechtos and acquire a breadth of Torah In the yeshivah world, a “chassan shmuess” is who are happy and positive in their knowledge? considered an integral part of preparation for overall relationship with coworkers, who Figure it out. Speak to a rebbi who knows their outcomes are very marriage. A similar shmuess is needed to prepare cover for others’ errors and speak well of you and explore the possibilities. A person young men for their adjustment to the workforce. them, can garner that kind of deference. with drive is a person who succeeds. Will one shmuess, or even a series of shmuessen, really But the key to all that is — and always Create that drive. different reverse a trend? Not on its own — but it will serve to has been — kvias itim, Torah study. Those Yes, it takes effort and preparation. But redirect the person’s focus, creating awareness of a who stick to learning are best prepared to when you think about it, you’ll realize need for a spiritual focus during this transition. master the new challenges. that anything meaningful takes drive and Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky ztz”l would offer the following insight to histalmidim .