OCTOBER 31, 2007 • CSWEEKLY.COM • CHICAGO SPORTS WEEKLY | 11 LISTS Cloaked in Glory The best beards in recent memory: a list. Niedermayer it’s Chuck Norris Trophy o’clock shadow to mustache, but his - BY ADAM GODSON - for the finest playoff beard of them beard simply didn’t reach his potential all. Could it be a coincidence that the until he left the Windy City. In 1984, s the Bears struggle to Center won the Conn Smyth Trophy, his finest season, he could have starred find consistency at the as well? in Cavemen without having a makeup quarterback position, a crew. simple solution rests on Rick Sutcliffe - At various times Atheir very sideline—Kyle Orton. Yes, in his career, Sutcliffe went with Bill Walton - Bearded Bill that Kyle Orton. the7 ‘stache, the goatee and the beard, Walton as a player was fun, Sure, Orton had his chance in 2005 but he was never better than when unusual3 and goofy. Clean shaven Bill and put up the worst qualifying passer he sported the full mandible mane. Walton as a broadcaster is obnoxious, rating in league history, but that was Old Redbeard wasn’t a star with the arrogant, and annoying. You do the a different, unbearded Kyle Orton. Dodgers where he went with the lip math. All season it’s been impossible for broom look, he was a star when his TV cameras to pan the Bears sideline folicles ran wild in Chicago. Mike Piazza - In terms of facial without eventually coming to a shot of hair, Piazza sported a goatee or Orton’s magestic neck beard. Matt Clement - Any pitcher that porn2 ‘stache for most of his career, It’s bushy, curling follicles command inspires fans to tape fake beards spurning the caveman look for their respect from cameras and teammates PHOTO BY to6 their face while watching a ballgame more sophisticated brethren. Piazza alike. With a team in desperate need of had a truly inspirational chia chin. Abe earns point for a beard of a different leadership, there seems like no better LAI JERRY Lincoln would have been inspired by ilk—marrying playboy model Alicia time for Kyle Orton’s beard. the 6 inches of goatee that lept toward Rickter. While Orton’s beard is fantastic, the batter from the mound. Clement he has yet to harness its power on looked ridiculous with his huge goatee, Dan Fouts - A lot of guys have the field. If the bearded Orton can Jeff Reardon - Mostly playing but if you had a chin like that, you’d donned a chinstrap beard, but few turn the Bears’ season around he’ll in Montreal and Minnesota, shield it, too. dare1 to don a beard underneath the undoubtedly join the exclusive list of Reardon9 naturally grew out a robust chinstrap. Fakers like Jake Plummer greatest bearded athletes. beard for warmth. His play, like Baron Davis - The transcendent and Ben Roethlisberger tried it out Here’s our definitive countdown of his beard, was outstanding as the powers of Davis’ beard brought for a season or two, failed to harness the greatest beards in athletic history: Terminator logged 367 saves in the5 Golden State Warriors to the its incredible power and subsequently 16 MLB seasons. After retirement playoffs and won a series. Let that sink shaved. Fouts, however, wouldn’t be Bill Wennington - Playing Reardon moved to Florida, but kept in. Maybe if Chris Mullin had thought seen without his man mane. Its dark, basketball with a full facebush the beard whose sweatiness in the hot of that in the 80’s and 90’s instead thick masses powered Fouts to 40,000 isn’t10 easy, but Wennington did it with climate caused him to go insane and of his ridiculous flattop, there would yards and a bearded bust in Canton. class. The seven-footer had less agility rob a mall jewelry store. be trophies in the closets in Oakland. than a battleship, but managed to Davis’ inspirational facial follicles Honorable Mention: Dennis Miller log 13 NBA seasons including three Scott Niedermayer - Hockey inspired the popular NBA blog brought little to the MNF broadcast NBA titles as part of the vaunted has a strong tradition of facial FeartheBeard.org. booth, but he did bring a beard, which, three-headed center for the Bulls in hair,8 especially the playoff beard. It’s as Miller might have said, during a the second three-peat. Wennington a tough task to pick out the finest Bruce Sutter - Sutter was good fricking game, “Well, Al, that’s about kept his scruff neatly manicured, lest beard (or mullet) in a crowded field of as a Cub, but he was great as a as rare as Mother Teresa introducing it would interfere with his awkward- iceskating contenders. Playoffbeard. Cardinal4 when he had harnessed the Chris Rock after the Rockette’s in looking jump shots or intentional com, a site solely dedicated to the power of the beard. With the Cubs, Vegas!” hacks of Shaquille O’Neal. tracking to facial folicles awarded Sutter went from clean shaven, to 5 GET CSWEEKLY TO CHECK ON AVAILABILITY DELIVERED TO YOUR IN YOUR AREA, EMAIL... OFFICE OR STORE...FREE! [email protected].