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herman x ! $ ! ! ! ! ! #$%&%'()*$+(,!-./.0!! 1%2)&3%4,!5$%66373!8+)2$ 0!! 93:+,!;%:+&3:+!%<+(!&$+!=)4>!$%73?)@!A++>+4?B! "! "#$! "#$%!&'(!$%!)*+,)--.!/,$+(!0$11$*,-+!+&!23$+(4!5)$'-.!6(*),%(!'&6&0.!3(5(56(3%!$+7!8&! $1!.&,!)3(!&'(!&1!+#&%(!#(3(!$%!)!*&--(*+$&'!&1!9$*+,3(%!+&!#(-9!:&;!.&,3!5(5&3$(%7!! Christmas Dart! By Dan ‘Beardy’ Woollard ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the SUCC, No one was stirring… Except Chav Mike, who was throwing up outside. If you are of a squeamish nature, look away before looking at the following picture. This was the weekend when we headed up to the Dart for one final weekend of river-running tomfoolery before heading home for the holidays, and, after arriving at the hut, unloading all the alcohol, and setting the heating to something called ‘Party mode’, the madness could begin. As I remember, (or don’t remember), Friday night was a normal process of playing Ring of Fire, which resulted in Chav Mike quickly ‘Dart’-ing outside (ha) and everyone else getting quite/very drunk as well. On a side note, I feel I should apologise again for my horrendous snoring that night, which I am told kept everyone awake. These things do happen though. On every trip that I go on anyway… I am afraid, SUCCers, that I cannot report on the first day of paddling, nor the second, as, due to the fun and games of the night before… I was not feeling at my best… However, legend speaks of a seal launch from the riverbank, in a Duo. Many images were captured of this proud moment, but one in particular provokes the imagination, as only a Maltese head is visible. The rest of the Duo, along with Chav Mike, the hero of this tale, was never seen again… until a few seconds later anyway. Hooray! Saturday night was much more fun and games, involving an excellent roast dinner, cooked mostly by Matt Kelly himself, with help from various minions. Then, after some very explicit Pictionary, (again, courtesy of Chav Mike), came the event everyone had been waiting for; Secret Santa! I do not recall every present that was given out… therefore I have decided to give the best recollection I can… in the form of a much loved Christmas song. On the first day of Christmas, Canoe Club gave to me… A sit on Eric Westenbrink’s knee. (deep breaths everyone) One electric keyboard, A bottle of Lambrini, Bird’s Custard Powder, A picture of Tom Parker, One battered sausage, Cheese, Chips, and gravy, One toy tractor, BRIGHT PINK GLOVES, One cuddly Santa, Three tiny condoms, Two Fairy Wings, One pointless Swede, AND A SIT ON ERIC WESTENBRINK’S KNEE. And that’s enough of that… Finally came the cake-decorating competition. All manners of topping were utilised here. Syrup, sprinkles, even jam! And then came the losing cake, topped with pickled onions, ketchup, Branston, tea, coffee, instant gravy, apple sauce, amongst other things. And whose brainchild was this? Well, Chav Mike’s of course. Having lost the competition, our team of four had to split the cake between us… pickled onions and all. I finished my piece, but I wouldn’t say I enjoyed it… and Chav Mike, once again, threw up. And that’s the end of my tale of SUCC Christmas antics! 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From the very start it was always going to be a FAFFTASTIC weekend absolutely full of WESTENBRINK’ing Minibus with lights that worked at SHB but not at the boat hard... Cars getting stuck in the mud, all by themselves... Mysterious Minibus damage... But how did that happen..? We didn’t take it anywhere.... Mystic Symbols appearing on peoples boats overnight.... Strange banging noises and screaming heard in the night... Mystic Symbols appearing on peoples boats overnight... Again. Well I think the evidence is fairly conclusive This trip was clearly CURSED !"#$%&'(')#**%+$%,-')#**.$%,'./,'012&$%,'34'5*%6'7.4/% ' 8.//.9':; !P&#!878#!'2!8&#!1362'2%!%'@#7!C39!!"12!&2%3@#6Q! 5/4#/%'$9%'<#=/2/>'.?$%='$9%'5@A;' PA&8!!8900C!&44#2#"!078!2'%&8!2"!A&3!'7!8&#!2#A! !311'88##EQ! 5/4#/%;' P&C!'7!3 !2)#"III!%'2EDQ! B#&%'C192*&$'=%.,2/>'$9%'*.&$'<#"$9?"*&D; !P&C!1!?!238!32!8&#!&6)'2%!8 0#F!?!)23A!03"7!3$! 4#340#!8&8!$2!C!1#DQ! )"=*4'@%#=>%E&'&F%+2.*'+.=,'192+9'&.4&;' P?!&@#!23!$92!8'32'2%!740##2Q! 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