-Only- $4.95/Issue The (Cheap!) Gazette “Over the river and thru the woods, to grandmother’s house we go” Volume 19 Issue 12 is great, but I think we took a wrong turn….at Mars, maybe? December 2019 Have a Merry Christmas anyway! Weather: “Far Out” man. “All of the news you really need. Probably more” “Noli credere omnia legis” Go Ahead….Let It Snow. By Mark Minnick As I am writing this article, there is clearing winter paths and moving the nary a flake of snow on the ground in our excess out of the way. fair city. In the Nov. ‘19 issue, I mentioned Who is this person that likes working the little shot of the white stuff that we got with the very stuff that the rest of us in the middle of October. I’m guessing that ‘normal’ people despise? The village idiot? the most of us old boomers were annoyed, An Innuit transplant? A Wampa from the sniveling about how we hate winter and all ice planet Hoth? that goes with it. Nope, it’s the ever smiling Dave As a reminder, winter activity Medina (surname is pronounced just like enthusiasts welcome the white stuff, for the ballroom, he says), maintenance person snowmobiling, skiing and the like. They for the City of Cosmos. He told me that he are generally happy to enjoy life, no matter is looking forward to the winter snow what the weather. Some even ice fish. removal. The general populace disregards these Being the nosey local, I inquired as to goofy people that embrace winter, his roots, his work background and how he preferring to complain and whine, while ended up in Cosmos. I’m not going to tell being grumpy till the next summer. Then his whole story here, but it’s pretty they whine about the humidity and interesting. I bet if you ask him yourself, mosquitoes. Ahhh, Minnesotans. he’ll be glad to tell you his story. Photo by Mark Minnick Anyway, there’s at least one guy in the He filled me in on his employment I hereby invoke the wisdom and power of “The Simpsons” TV series and give Dave the city that is looking forward to the little history, working as a common laborer, moniker, “Mr. Plow”. The title comes from one flakes, falling from the sky for hours, driving trucks and heavy equipment, of my all-time favorite Simpson’s episodes of the turning inches into feet of the white trucking over the road, and doing second same name, “Mr. Plow” - Season 4, Episode 9. powder. And he doesn’t even own a shift snow plowing for the City of Willmar If you haven’t seen it, snowmobile. Throw in some prairie winds after his regular job. It looks like the guy you’re missing one of the best. to pile the stuff up is all the better as far as didn’t sit around much. he’s concerned. Then he goes to work, Continued on next page “A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.” Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful… Here is the sequence in that the snow *If you say you don’t have off street gets removed in the city; parking, figure something out before the 1. Fire Hall snow season begins. It’s your 2. Both sides of Business responsibility, not the city’s. Hwy. 4 (Milky Way) As I finished up my conversation with street & sidewalks Dave, we talked some about holiday foods. 3. City Center Parking Lot I mentioned winter lagers and smoked fish. 4. City Streets He talked of his weakness for the 5. Residential sidewalks on Scandinavian treats, lefse and klub. Hwy. 4 (Milky Way) (pronounced ‘kloob’ for us Germans and He wants everyone to know that other lesser ethnicities.) removal times are going to vary, depending I asked him if my street would get on when it snows and how much we plowed first if I offered him some of my receive. He is aware that there is going to wife’s fresh homemade klub for morning be some learning curve to getting things lunch break. He just smiled and muttered, Photo by Mark Minnick done the most efficiently, but he’s confident “Hoo boy” but didn’t answer. The Tool Cat, left and Skid Loader, right that things will work out just fine. I went home and told wife Deb to have Continued from front page His message to the residents, “Be those potatoes ready to grind and a ham Dave has done all of the preseason aware of the winter parking rules on city bone thawed at the sign of the first big chores that must be done before the first streets, simple as that. If folks wish, they snowfall. I’m ready for snow. So is Mr. snow plowing and removal commences. can get a copy of the actual City of Cosmos Plow. The plow truck, the Tool Cat and the Skid Winter Parking ordinance from City Hall.” Loader are ready to go. Curb stakes and (There is also a quarter page ad that covers other markers are installed in their proper the basic requirements in this Gazette. locations. -Editor-) He has also taken the time to In case anyone has any questions or personally talk to people that normally park concerns about the winter season snow on the street. He wants to make sure that removal, he encourages folks to get a hold they are aware that they can’t park on the of him. There are three different ways; street when snow has to be plowed and City Cellphone: 320.221.4943 removed from it. He added that he doesn’t Personal Cellphone: 320.221.2553 want to be the bad guy if their vehicle gets Email: [email protected] towed. I don’t blame him. As this editor sees it, the upcoming winter He has two individuals that will help season with it’s necessary snow parking with snow removal part time and as needed rules shouldn’t be that tough for us this season, locals John Fruetel and Tom residents to follow. In a nutshell; McCarthy. *Your street can’t be cleared if your vehicle or stuff is in the way. *If it has snowed or is going to snow, don’t park on the street until the snow is Image courtesy wikipedia.org cleared away. Call me Mr. Plow, that’s my name, That name again is Mr. Plow! “Money often costs too much.” Local Chicken May Sub for Rudolph Local Chicken and the gang trying out some new techniques before the big night. Times are Changing people think chickens are dumb….OK I think it would be a big upgrade. It would then. be faster and maybe keep the jolly old guy Just talking to them, I found out that from getting grandpa rash on the sleigh they don’t even have Netflix or watch but, we’ll let him decide, for now. YouTube ‘cause they’re scared of the So, if you see me leading the flying internets. Sheesh. Of course, I even had to group around before Christmas, don’t be school Santa, as he had no idea that alarmed. We’re just running test flights By Local Chicken chickens could fly. before Christmas Eve. In case you’re I know that it gets I asked him where the heck he’s been wondering, I sprung for a bright red nose. tougher for Santa every and he just shrugged his shoulders. You’d I know the story and am fully aware that year. More kids, better toys and added think that the guy with flying reindeer it may be foggy. stops. I thought that I could help the jolly would be more up on this stuff. I didn’t By the way, talking with Santa, I old guy get the job done quicker and better, want to look like a know-it-all, so I didn’t learned that the naughty kids don’t have to if I could lead the sleigh instead of a even bring up pigs. worry about getting a lump of coal in their reindeer. Think about it, those reindeer I informed him that I just wanted to stockings this year. It seems that the EPA hang out on the cold, cold tundra and eat help out with the cause, while making put the kabosh on that practice, as coal is lichens 364 days a year. Can’t be too bright things easier too. So he agreed to make a just too evil. So, Santa decided to give can they, if that’s all they wanna do in their few test runs before Christmas Eve and see those naughty kids a pair of argyle dress time off? how it goes. If he doesn’t think that I can socks instead. That should make ‘em They could hang out on the beaches help him out, he can go back to old groan. of Hawaii or Florida, sipping fancy drinks Rudolph. It’s his call, I’m not gonna totally with the little umbrella in ‘em and enjoy mess with tradition. fresh seafood. But no, they think it’s great Just between you and me, if we live in the coldest place on the planet. And replaced all of the reindeer with chickens, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year From everyone on the… Cosmos Fire Department & Ambulance Squad MINUTES CITY OF COSMOS REGULAR MEETING November 12, 2019 A regular meeting of the Cosmos City Council was called to order by Mayor Gary Martin at 5:00 p.m.