―Fernwood 2-Night‖ 01 - Episode 1 Martin Mull as Barth Gimble Fred Willard as Jerry Hubbard Frank DeVol as Happy Kyne Dabney Coleman as Merle Jeeter Bruse Mahler as Howard Palmer Felix Fisher as Morton Rose Craig Richard Nelson as Dr. Osgood MONOLOGUE: In Barth‘s first monologue he discusses the inconvenience of the day to day contract that he has with the show management. However, he‘s sure that when they recognize his genius, they‘ll extend it to at least a weekly contract. He also reveals that he is new in town, having left Miami quickly and is staying in his late brother‘s apartment. IRON LUNG PIANIST: Howie Palmer, poster person for the Fernwood Dimes for Disease, performs on the piano while flat on his back in an iron lung. RAP W/JERRY: Jerry Hubbard, Barth‘s co-host, who is also the brother of the station manager, chats with Barth about his background. He has been with Channel 6 for quite a few years, as Cowboy Willie on the ―Uncle Funny Pants Show,‖ quizmaster for the ―Dialing for Dentures,‖ etc. MAYOR OF FERNWOOD: Merle Jester, Fernwood‘s own mayor, welcomes Barth to Fernwood and wishes him good luck with his show, mentioning also that the good people of Fernwood do not hold a man‘s past against him. RAP w/ HAPPY: Happy Kyne, the bandleader of the Mirth- Makers and also a successful businessman, owning franchises in the Fernwood area, like the Bun ‗N Run, fast food store. SHAKE YOUR BOOTY: Happy Kyne and the Mirth-Makers performs ―Shake Your Booty.‖ TALK TO A JEW: Morton Rose was picked up while speeding through Fernwood and was brought to the show so that the people of Fernwood could ―see‖ and possibly ―talk‖ to him to prove, once and for all, that people of the Jewish faith are no different from others. LEISURE SUIT TEASE: Dr. Osgood, scheduled for the first show, is not able to fully explain his new findings that leisure suits cause cancer. He will come back tomorrow. 02 - Episode 2 Martin Mull as Barth Gimble Fred Willard as Jerry Hubbard Frank DeVol as Happy Kyne Wayne Winton as Franklin Case Georgi Irene as Baby Irene Brian Avery as Father Joseph Case Craig Richard Nelson as Dr. Richard Osgood Pearl Shear as Iris Case Featuring: Tommy Tedesco, Eddie Robertson, Colin Bailey, and Frank Marocco MONOLOGUE: Barth opens by thanking the viewers for calling in, per his request, to insist that the station hire him back for tonight‘s show. As a result of the first show he received gifts from local storeowners; he proceeds to give them free plugs on the show. Howie Palmer has returned from last night‘s show. ―ROCKET TO STARDOM‖: This segment features Baby Irene, approximately five years old; she‘s a dancer/singer and sings ―I Didn‘t Know the Gun Was Loaded.‖ They later chat about her future. RAP WITH HAPPY KYNE: Happy Kyne is the bandleader on the show. His band is called the Mirth-Makers. He is formally introduced in this segment. Barth asks him about his business ventures. Happy owns several franchises in the Fernwood area: The Bun ‗N Run and a dental service. However, music is his love and business is just money. INTERVIEW/LEISURE SUITS: Dr. Richard Osgood returns from last night‘s show because time ran out before he could elaborate on his findings; that leisure suits cause cancer. This was discovered through a series of experiments using rats, having them wear leisure suits for a year. ―BURY THE HATCHET‖: This segment is an effort to try and repair any problems between Fernwood citizens by inviting plain, simple folks to air their differences in a mature manner. The audience acts as the jury by applauding for their choice. On tonight‘s show it‘s between Father Joseph Case and his parents. They want to have him deprogrammed of his religion. The audience votes in favor of the priest. DUET: BABY IRENE & HOWIE PALMER: Howie plays Mozart‘s Sonata #16 on the piano while Baby Irene tap dances around him. CLOSING REMARKS: Barth thanks his guests for being on the show. 03 - Episode 3 Martin Mull as Barth Gimble Fred Willard as Jerry Hubbard Frank DeVol as Happy Kyne Lou Felder as Lou Moffett Bob Williams as Garth Gimble Sr. April McTear as April Tatro Susan Eliot as Susan Cloud Featuring: Eddie Robertson, Tom Tedesco, Colin Bailey, and Frank Marocco MONOLOGUE: Barth introduces his father, Garth Gimble Sr. Instead of supporting his father and possibly hurting his pride, Barth has given him a job at the station as the security guard. Together they live in ex-Garth‘s apartment, which has a lease that‘s been paid up for the year. Barth gives his Dad condolences that his mother has died. APRIL TATRO: Contortionist comes on the show and does her body language routines. LOU MOFFETT: Freelance troubleshooting consumer advisor, Lou Moffett, comes to warn consumers about rip-offs Mixmasters. He takes the chance to push his product the Wonder-Blender, which is also a product of Gimbleco, a company that he and Barth own. They are old partners from Florida. SUSAN CLOUD THE ORGANIC LADY: She owns the Butterfly Deli which specializes in organically grown food. 04 - Episode 4 Martin Mull as Barth Gimble Fred Willard as Jerry Hubbard Frank DeVol as Happy Kyne Featuring: Tom Tedesco, Darrius Lawrence, Eddie Robertson, John Fujioka, Colin Bailey, and Frank Marocco MONOLOGUE: Barth makes an effort to try and expose any bad things that have been said about the show by reading some so- called hate mail. However, each one ends up only giving Barth accolades about his talents. ROCKET TO STARDOM: Darryl Washington comes on the show, featured as a hula hoop performer and a black boy. VIETNAMESE REFUGEE: Mian Co Tiam is on the show to promote his book, Yankee Doodle Gook. He was the Minister of Parks and Playgrounds under President Thieu. Now in the United States, he is a disc jockey. RAP WITH HAPPY: Happy is invited to the panel and tells about his sickly childhood. Biggest problem was breathing because he had only one nostril. It was corrected later by surgery. CORPORAL PUNISHMENT: Mr. Marshall Petty comes on the show in the ―Other Side of the News‖ segment to defend the practice of corporal punishment in the Fernwood schools. He brings on Debby Dunbar to be demonstrated upon. He explains that it is actually a warm experience because the child appreciates the care and concern. PHONE-INS: They have phone-ins so the television audience can call in their opinions of corporal punishment. The first caller thinks it‘s wrong to be spanking innocent children on TV, and second caller is her mother who is irate that her daughter has been spanked. CLOSING REMARKS: Show closes with Mrs. Dunbar coming on to the stage to retrieve her daughter. 05 - Episode 5 Martin Mull as Barth Gimble Fred Willard as Jerry Hubbard Frank DeVol as Happy Kyne Kathy McCullen as Debbie Dunbar Jann Stratton as Mrs. Ruth Dunbar Bob Dooner as Russ Tuttle Sam Greenbaum as Ernest Fernandell Stacy Steffans as Stacy Dunbar MONOLOGUE: Barth discusses the tremendous reaction to the corporal punishment demonstration the night before, and also about Mrs. Ruth Dunbar‘s anger. To appease her, he has invited them back and also another daughter, Stacy. DUNBARS: She admits she is not angry anymore because as a result of Debbie ―bending over‖ to be spanked, she has been offered several lucrative model jobs and other offers. HOME BURIAL: Russ Tuttle has come on the show to talk about his new burial plan at the Bellmore Mortuary and Chapel. He feels that most people have plenty of unused plottage about their property where the dead beloved could be buried so to keep them closer to home. For people in apartments, they have the ―Eternal Drawer‖ to keep their beloved‘s ashes. They offer other services to assist this plan. RAP WITH JERRY: Family Rap between Barth and Jerry, both noting that families are an important way of life in America. However, they digress into more poignant aspects of families. ―FEELINGS‖: Barth and Debbie perform ―Feelings‖ together. Barth sings while Debbie, dressed in her cheerleader outfit, dances a slow cheerleading routine. 06 - Episode 6 Martin Mull as Barth Gimble Fred Willard as Jerry Hubbard Frank DeVol as Happy Kyne Vern Rowe as Vernon Taylor Fannie Flagg as Sylvia Miller Featuring: Tom Tedesco, Eddie Robertson, Colin Bailey, and Frank Marocco MONOLOGUE: Barth discusses his weekend. He received a set of clubs from Buzzy‘s Sporting Goods and after seeing the cheerleader tryouts at the local junior college, he is more convinced than ever that Fernwood's middle name should be ―talent.‖ UNCLE SAM, JR.: In this segment, Vernon Taylor, the former assistant postmaster of Fernwood, lectures while being accompanied by music about the need to be more patriotic about the U.S. He is a Veteran of Foreign Wars and strongly believes that our policy should be more protective of our interests. RAP WITH JERRY & HAPPY: Barth tells the audience that he was able to secure a week-to-week contract from the station. MARILYN MONROE REVISITED: Sylvia Miller tells her story about how Marilyn Monroe has been re-incarnated in her and that there are two people living in her body. When she is Marilyn, she has peculiar urges to pick up sailors and buy coffee makers. She was caught posing in the nude by the Fernwood Courier recently while she was Marilyn.