SaltLakeUnderGround 1 2 SaltLakeUnderGround SaltLakeUnderGround 3 SaltLakeUnderGround • Vol. 22• Issue # 268 • April 2011 • slugmag.com Publisher: Eighteen Percent Gray Jemie Sprankle Editor: Angela H. Brown [email protected] Managing Editor: Shauna Brennan Jeanette D. Moses [email protected] Contributing Editor: Ricky Vigil Action Sports Editor: Marketing Coordinator: Adam Dorobiala Bethany Fischer Editorial Assistant: Esther Meroño Marketing: Ischa Buchanan, Jeanette D. Copy Editing Team: Jeanette D. Moses, Jessica Davis, Hailee Jacobson, Moses, Rebecca Vernon, Ricky Vigil, Stephanie Buschardt, Giselle Vickery, Esther Meroño, Liz Phillips, Katie Panzer, Veg Vollum, Chrissy Hawkins, Emily Rio Connelly, Joe Maddock, Alexander Burkhart, Rachel Roller, Jeremy Riley, Ortega, Mary Enge, NWFP, Cody Kirk- Sabrina Burris, Taylor Hunsaker land, Hannah Christian, Rachel Fabiano, Hondo Distribution Manager: Eric Granato Cover Design: Joshua Joye Distro: Eric Granato, Tommy Dolph, Cover Photo: JP Tony Bassett, Joe Jewkes, Jesse Hawl- Issue Design: Joshua Joye ish, Nancy Burkhart, Joyce Bennett, Brad Design Interns: Adam Dorobiala, Barker, Adam Okeefe, Manuel Aguilar, Eric Sapp, Bob Plumb, Jeremy Riley, Ryan Worwood, David Frohlich Chris Swainston Office Interns: Jeremy Riley, Chris Ad Designers: Todd Powelson, Proctor, Gaven Sheehan, Kia McGinnis Kent Farrington, Sumerset Bivens, Jaleh Afshar, Lionel WIlliams, Christian Senior Staff Writers: Mike Brown, Broadbent, Kelli Tompkins, Maggie Mariah Mann-Mellus, James Orme, Poulton, Eric Sapp, Brad Barker, KJ, Lance Saunders, Jeanette D. Moses, Lindsey Morris, Paden Bischoff, Maggie Bryer Wharton, Peter Fryer, James Ben- Zukowski, thy Doan nett, Ricky Vigil, Adam Dorobiala, Gavin Website Design: Kate O’Connor Hoffman, Jon Robertson, Esther Meroño, Illustrators: Jared Smith, Manuel Rebecca Vernon, Ross Solomon, Chris Aguilar, Ryan Perkins, Phil Cannon, Benji Swainston, Sam Milianta, Jimmy Martin, Pierson Maggie Zukowski Ben Trentelman, JP, Jesse Hawlish, Tyler Makmell, Princess Kennedy Photographers: Ruby Johnson, Katie Panzer, Dave Brewer, Sam Milianta, Monkeys with Computers: Adam Dorobiala, Weston Colton, David Brian Kubarycz, Shawn Mayer, Cody DeAustin, David Newkirk, Barrett Doran, Hudson, Mike Reff, Eric Hess, Sean Adam Heath, Bob Plumb, Chris Swain- Zimmerman Wall, Rio Connelly, Courtney ston, Michelle Emerson, Max Lowe, Peter Blair, Tully Flynn, Kendall Johnson, Elliot Anderson, Jesse Anderson, Mitch Allen, Secrist, Dean O. Hillis, Jemie Sprankle, John Carlisle, Gage Thompson Jessie Wood, Ryan Hall, Chris Proctor, Bethany Fischer, Dr. Evil, Some Cop Filmers: Andrew Schummer, Brian Dude, Nate Perkins, Andrew Roy, Alex- Baade, Loren Tyrel, Mary Catrow, ander Ortega, Kyla Grant, Nate Housley, Slugger Madelyn Boudreaux, Ischa Buchanan, Gavin Sheehan, Liz Lucero, Ryan Ad Sales: SLUG HQ 801.487.9221 Schoeck, Levi Rounds, Dylan Chadwick, Angela Brown: Clayton Godby, Julianna Clay, Megan [email protected] Kennedy, Mike Abu, Tom Bennett Mike Brown Roller Derby Correspondents: [email protected] Paige Snow, Diane Hartford DISCLAIMER: SLUG Magazine does not necessarily maintain the same opinions as those found in our articles, interviews or advertisements. If you are easily offended, please do not blame us. We are a carrier for the voice of the people and it is not our fault if you don’t like people. Content is property of SLUG Magazine. Please do not use without permission or we will hunt you down and make you pay for your sins. Now, that’s a promise. Contributor Limelight Hailee Jacobson —Social Networking Coordinator / Marketing This marketing maven and social networking star is bringing all of SLUG’s social media sites into the 21st century with her innova- tive ideas and mad multi-tasking skills. Jacobson is the main woman behind the SLUG Magazine twitter, facebook, vimeo and youtube sites. Keep your eye to the web for awesome giveaways from SLUG, new videos and info regarding awesome events in the SLC area. With Jacobson’s help, SLUG Magazine is not stuck in the mid-2000’s updating our status and organizing our friends on Myspace.—how passé. 4 SaltLakeUnderGround SaltLakeUnderGround 5 To Brofessor Alex Brotega. You guys all sound like Haters! Yeah, I said it, Haters! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t Listen Bro, You completely fucking be so harsh with you. It’s a common missed the point of the broship, goin’ misconception people have in the world from your article you make us seem like today; You’re pissed off with organized some kind of pseudo-fraternity (without religion, I get it, but more over, the jerks that college education) We’re not a that seem to be in charge of these so fucking Frat and Fuck college anyways, called religions. and the many mindless the Broship is like the school of hard followers of these hypocritical institutions, knocks and hard cocks. Anyway, We’re But seriously, your anger is misdirected. not some brovinistic, one-upsmanship What did Jesus ever do to you? I’m sick gang of uneducated go-nowhere future to death of people using God and Jesus Maverick attendants with criminal as representatives to push hate. jesust! records for public intox and unpaid You’re no better than those assholes fines ..For the Bro-ship, Maverick is not who come to gay pride parades holding where the Adventure ends... but where it up signs that say, “God hates fags!” begins. The Bro in Broship is about bro- Well, guess what? Jesus loves fags and therhood...Let me explain, Sometimes he loves jesust. It sounds like your old your bro is just real bronely, and you’re band members were just as unhappy there for him no matter what... Even if with the same empty feeling you spoke he has a raging broner, you just have to of in your lives too. Obviously puff’ n tuff bro-up or bro-home and fucking drain wasn’t enough. So why be bitter with that Bro-and-arrow, you know give him them over wanting to feel better in their a proper brojob..I dont think it’s a big own lives? What’s the problem K.B. ? It’s secret that Broship is a little Bro-curious certainly not J.C. I can tell you that! If a (some might say, “bromosexual”), we’re vegan wants to start eating meat, do you chemically bro-pendent. It’s not gay it’s blame the cow? Even if your friend did is- partyin’. Bros don’t get pissed when a sue an ultimatum, “accept Jesus as your bro bro-ws a load in another bro’s eye, savior or we can’t be friends anymore!” it’s just part of being a bro. Sometimes, (it sounds like theirs is more to the story you know your bro has had a rough day, than that.) I really don’t understand so you go brocure him a brouquet of your logic as a band either. Why would broses (brocabulary lesson—a twelver of anyone name a band after something natty). It’s just part of the holy matri- you have so much disdain for anyway? BROny and clearly you don’t understand Besides the name of your band, if the the hardships involved in that. You really sentiment is correctly directed, could should attend our next Brorientation...But be, “religiont or O’religioust” (feel free to bro-yond all of that. We thought it was a take any of these please.) At this point, pretty good article. using icons and symbols you have no love or respect for to represent you and Sincerely, your music looks weak. You have a star Master and Brommander, the Brom- of David in the band photo, do you hate mander and Chief of the USS. Broship jews too? Why not represent yourself with what you DO love? weedt? jackt? Hatert? Yo Bro, Stonedt? (you can have any of these too) Brorry if brour Broship brover brory This brings up another point, what weed broffended you, but we did our best are you smoke’n anyways? weed usually in brofiling this brolific brocal brol- makes you mellow and happy. Not a lective within the pages of SLUG. As bunch of pissed off haters! “#!$& Jesus! far as these allegations of bromo- Smoke weed!?” Really!? yeah go on, live your devoid life, play your hater music. sexuality, something tells me that’s And Mr. Perkins, You sir, are a poor writer just your own latent sexual confusion you messed up a 2 paragraph article manifesting itself in shit-talk … Not on a lame band. Learn the difference that there’s anything wrong with between a review and an editorial no one bromos or anything, but that’s some is interested in your opinion! I’m sure junior high bullshit right there. The you got it in at the last minute hence, the Broship has plenty of haters, but editor must have missed that one. these guys have been around for- ever and are a big part of our music Sincerely, Jesus loves you, Simon is scene, like it or not. When was the trying. last time you helped a touring band Dear Jesus, find somewhere to play or let them We’re flattered that you’ve taken the sleep on your floor? And how many time to read SLUG and felt compelled of you really support local bands that to write in, but we don’t really give a your friends aren’t in? If you’re really fuck about your drama with old bro- that bent out of shape by our Broship mates or your Christian rhetoric. broverage, just convince all of your friends to start a party gang and get FAX, SNAIL MAIL OR EMAIL US YOUR LETTERS! identical tattoos … no bromo. Fax: 801.487.1359 Mailing Address: Dear Dickheads, Dear Dickheads c/o SLUG Mag 351 Pierpont Ave. Ste. 4B SLC, UT Mainly Nate Perkins and jesust, 84101 or [email protected] 6 SaltLakeUnderGround SaltLakeUnderGround 7 Groovacious Records Raunch Records 173 N.