ABSTRACT Title of Dissertation: THE TERRAIN OF THE SELF AND THE OTHER: A PHENOMENOLOGICAL STUDY OF ANIMALS AS CARTOGRAPHIC TEACHERS AND HEALERS Debra L. Goulden, Doctor of Philosophy, 2004 Dissertation directed by: Dr. Francine H. Hultgren, Professor Department of Education Policy and Leadership Using the metaphor of a journey, the phenomenon of companion animal caregiving is opened for appraisal. Companion animals are revealed as metaphoric cartographers or mapmakers, creators of guides of carin g. Through these guides, we are called to care through the task of exploration of the inner terrain of the Self as well as the intimate terrain of the Other. Hermeneutic phenomenology as the mode of inquiry for this study uses the framework of six methodological guidelines described by van Manen (1990). The voices of six nurse educators provide narratives of the lived experiences of being-with a companion animal. These narratives are generated through the use of various texts for examination: conversations, art or photographs, and written life stories. Developed from narratives, significant themes of companion animals are identified. These themes are viewed as the lived language of soul, a felt connection to the Other, an ontological communion or attunemen t that reveals mystery, spirit, and an enhanced awareness. This experience of soul in its essence reveals the terrain of the Self and the Other. These themes of soul become known through the lived existentials of spatiality, corporeality, temporality, and relationality (van Manen, 1990). These intertwined themes are manifested as animal love, generated through deep connections or soul-mates; senses of animal soul by which intimate terrains are revealed through touch, vision, and hearing thereby offering an authentic knowing by the heart of a companion animal; animal courage, the terrain in which we are tended and mended through presence and compassion; and animal havens, a felt terrain of homecoming. Companion animal caring with the soul is sustained as insi ghts from the conversations are examined in view of current pedagogical practices within the arena of nurse education. Lastly, the journey concludes with the invitation to dwell in a pedagogy of companionship, a pedagogy emulated by companion animals in wh ich we are gathered into this newly created sacred place of being -with the Other, an authentic place in the circle of life. THE TERRAIN OF THE SELF AND THE OTHER: A PHENOMENOLOGICAL STUDY OF ANIMALS AS CARTOGRAPHIC TEACHERS AND HEALERS By Debra Lynn Goulden Dissertation submitted to the faculty of the Graduate School of the University of Maryland in partial fulfillment Of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy 2004 Advisory Committee: Professor Francine Hultgren, Advisor and Chair Dr. Gloria Carpeneto Associate Professor Susan Komives Associate Professor Marylu McEwen Dr. Maggie Neal © Copyright by Debra Goulden 2004 DEDI CATION The writing of this dissertation has been witness to many transitions or compassionate passages in my life’s journey. These compassionate passages have heralded both tears and joy. I wish to dedicate this dissertation to my children, Melanie and Kevin, whose presences have filled me with a joy and love that is beyond words. You both dwell in my heart. Since the beginning of this study, I have also transitioned into a new identity of grandmother. To my little grandson, Franz, I owe the incredible joy of laughter and the pleasure of play! You have brought so mu ch love into my world and have shown me that the circle does continue. Additionally, I would like to dedicate this dissertation to my mother and father whose lifelong lessons of respect for all forms of life have literally made me the human being I have become. They continue to provide those sacred spaces for be- coming. It is with a bittersweet sorrow that I say a special thank you to my mother whose physical death during this dissertation, created unspeakable sorrow and an aching loss too great for words, yet opened my vulnerable side, and as such, healed long hidden heart spaces. I miss you, Mom, more than words can say. I lastly say a special wish of gratitude to my partner in ant-healing, Louise, my fellow adventurer and map -reader for all of her genero us support and caring and of course a willingness to read my many drafts of my writing! And what can I say of the wonderful four-footed presences of soul throughout my life? I began this study with a prologue written to Angel Marie, my forever soul- mate. Her presence continues to guide me. I ended this dissertation with a special passage to Rocky, my current rescuer whose joie de vivre is contagious. I wish to ii acknowledge, as well, those other special beings who have revealed their souls and spirits to me and as such completed me and taught me many life lessons. I re -member Pierre, a French poodle of my childhood who was my first dog, purchased with hard - earned money of childhood tasks. Pierre created those sacred spaces of safe childhood transitions…Tinkerb ell, the feline surrogate mother to my daughter, Melanie…my adopted “first grandchild,” François who fills my life with happiness and memories of my daughter…Milton, my little eating machine and in whose eyes I catch a glimpse of his sister, Angel Marie…Si ster Beetle, ever ready to truly lend a paw in greeting to me each morning…and lastly, Barkley, a silent, gentle presence who taught me much of dignity of soul, hope, love and un-demanding presence. Barkley, from the initial day she was rescued by my son, Kevin, gave me the great lesson of hope and starting again despite the path in life previously traveled. Barkley opened my heart to quiet love, a love that needs no voice except the voice of the soul. Barkley, while gone in physical presence only recently , taught me so very much about difficult life decisions and end of life caring. Barkley helped me to realize that true caring can cause suffering but that caring from the heart ultimately always brings healing. And to all my other healers and teachers, a special heart of gratitude and love. It is your love and compassion to which I give voice in the following dissertation. I dedicate this to you. iii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Many years ago, I yearned to commence a journey, a quest for an alternate way of be-ing and be -coming. I initially started on this path without a felt sense of destination or direction, only a compelling desire to begin. Along the way, I have been fortunate to embrace the gentle hearts and caring spirits of so many wonderful, extraordinar y people. In looking back over the path of my journey, I marvel at their presences. I count my blessings that their life paths have intertwined with my road. I continue to be sustained by their spirits! It is with heartfelt voice that I wish to acknowledge the guiding light of my advisor, Dr. Francine Hultgren. She has been a candle in the sacristy faithfully bearing witness to my journey. She has opened my soul to such fresh visions of places I never realized existed! Dr. Hultgren emulates that wonderful g ift of compassion and being- with . Through her eternal support and caring, I have been cradled in a chrysalis of becoming. Her ponderings and writings in the margins will forever be treasured as will her “stories.” I extend a special thank you to Dr. Maggi e Neal and Duffy. Dr. Neal revealed an initial pathway into phenomenology. She, like Dr. Hultgren, created a secure place for dwelling and respite for both body and soul. In Dr. Neal, I entertain the notion of being-with a kindred spirit. To Duffy, I owe much gratitude for her caring presence. I wish to recognize the caring contributions of the other members of my dissertation committee: Dr. Gloria Carpeneto for her gifts of the labyrinth and the concept of transfiguration that I experienced during the writ ing of this dissertation; Dr. Susan iv Komives for her insights and guidance; and Dr. Marylu McEwen for her thought provoking questions that provided clarity and direction. There are many warm acknowledgments of gratitude to Dr. Kathy Kavanagh, another kindre d spirit. Through her eyes, I began to see alternate ways of being in community. In the sacredness of a place named Pine Ridge, South Dakota, we shared numerous conversations as we walked the prairie. Through her gentle questions, I felt the courage to pursue my calling to explore my question of companion animals. Throughout my dissertation journey, Dr. Kavanagh has provided nurturance and guidance. Lastly, I wish to thank the many friends, family, and fellow students who have given of their thoughts as I journeyed through my writing. In my pursuit of my question of study, I have been graced by the profound voices of my participants and their companion animals. Their caring presences continue to accompany me upon my journey. I wish to recognize the support of the nurse educators at Villa Julie College for their creation of a caring place to be. A final special note of gratitude is extended to the Wonderful Women’s Writing Group (WWWG). Throughout my dissertation chapters and revisions of my writing, this special group of women have been there armed with a deeply listening ear to my work. My thoughts are filled with stories of both tears and smiles as we continue to journey together. In closing to everyone, I say a deeply felt thank you for the creation of a sanctuary, a place allowing me to open my soul to the deeper mystery of be -ing here in this study.