ABSTRACT Title of Dissertation: PAUSING TO CULTIVATE OUR GARDENS: THE LIVED EXPERIENCE OF WOMEN ENGAGED IN CREATIVE JOURNALING Sonya Marie Riley Doctor of Philosophy, 2019 Dissertation Directed by: Professor Francine Hultgren Department of Teaching and Learning Policy and Leadership This phenomenological dissertation explores the lived experience of women participating in a creative journaling pause (CJP), a phrase describing the moment in which the participant chooses herself and engages in an activity of expression. Grounded in the tradition of hermeneutic phenomenology, biblical Christian principles, and the philosophical work of Martin Heidegger and Hans-Georg Gadamer, this research focuses on the practice of a creative journaling pause to assist a woman in cultivating her personal garden, in particular herself as an authentic individual. The metaphors of a sand garden and an oasis are used as descriptors to illuminate the phenomenon. The stories of the women hidden in the sand, or the depths of their journal pages, surfaced through our conversations in the moments of our four creative journaling pauses. Each pause, likened to an oasis, gave space to dwell in rest, freedom, and renewal. Thoele (2008) identifies women as “multi-focused, multifaceted, multi-tasking wonders” (p. 21). Yet, the various aspects or roles of a woman’s life may not always align with her ability to focus on self. Thus, the phenomenon of a creative journaling pause intrigues me with what it means to be a woman discovering and rediscovering her authentic self through the actions of pausing and the process of creative journaling. In brief, chapter one turns to the phenomenon and reveals my abiding concern. Chapter two allows an investigation of the phenomenon through the life stories of other women who journal and create. Chapter three provides a philosophical and methodological grounding that leads to a plan of engagement for my research. Chapter four reveals the essential themes from the lifeworld texts provided by the six participants of the study: A Disturbance Awakens—A Journey Towards An Oasis; A Chasm Remembered—A Vulnerability Exposes The Path To An Oasis; A Moment Revealed—An Expression Unfolds In the Oasis; and, An Openness Extended—A Return from the Oasis. Chapter five discusses the pedagogical implications of a creative journaling pause as the participant comes to the table, sits at the table, and leaves with the table in which she cultivates her garden, her authentic self. PAUSING TO CULTIVATE OUR GARDENS: THE LIVED EXPERIENCE OF WOMEN ENGAGED IN CREATIVE JOURNALING By Sonya M. Riley Dissertation submitted to the Faculty of the Graduate School of the University of Maryland, College Park in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy 2019 Advisory Committee: Professor Francine Hultgren, Academic & Dissertation Advisor and Chair Professor Jing Lin, Dean’s Representative Dr. Maria Hyler Clinical Professor Maggie Peterson Professor Jennifer Turner © Copyright by Sonya Marie Riley 2019 ii DEDICATION I dedicate this dissertation to the Trinity—God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit—and my parents, Mr. Ronald and Mrs. Sandra L. Riley. Without them, this educational journey would not have been possible. They are the chief beings in my life. Their presence, love, support, and encouragement have helped to make me the person that I am. I am because they are. Thank you. I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. Phil 4:13 iii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS To my immediate family—Daddy, Mom, Ronda, and Ron, I say thank you for believing in me throughout my academic years from Elementary to each Graduate School. As a daughter and an older sister, you have blessed me beyond words. I appreciate your love, presence, and encouragement in my life. Lastly, Daddy and Mom, thank you for helping me to center my life in Christ Jesus, making sure I am living and being authentic to myself, encouraging me to enjoy and rest in nature while watching the birds soar, and encouraging the gift of poetry in me. Ronda and Ron, thank you for constantly encouraging and reminding me, You can do it, sis! You got this! I love you, my Rileys! To my grandmother, Mrs. Bernice Bennett, thank you for your love of words, and your need to write, draw, and read the Bible. To my grandfather, Mr. James Madison Bennett, who has proceeded me to our heavenly home, I say thank you for the boxes of paper you provided me as child to just write and draw and write and draw. Thank you for your enthusiasm of completing a puzzle! I loved seeing you work those puzzles in the Washington Post with that pencil sharpened with a knife while sipping coffee from your mug. Also, thank you for asking me about my educational dreams: I’m finally here, Grand-dad! This journey has been a long road for me to complete my doctoral studies. To my nephews, Ronald and Richmond, and Godson, Demetrius—the young men I adore—thank you for loving me unconditionally and for always being ready to spend time with me, especially when I needed a break from my studies! Cartoons, movies, seafood, church outings and life conversations are the best with you! I appreciate your hugs, smiles and words of encouragement. And, wish you many blessings! O Lord, our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength (KJV, Psalm 8:1-2) To my dissertation advisor, Dr. Francine Hultgren, thank you. Several years ago, in a meeting with Dr. Sabrina Marshall (my former supervisor and your former doctoral student), you presented me with an hour-long overview of phenomenology. On that day, I fell in love with phenomenology! Then, in Phenomenology I and Phenomenology II, you gave me the tools needed to complete this, my dissertation. And, I thank you for being there for every twist and turn. Thank you for every draft, edit suggestions, challenges to dig deeper, words of encouragement, meetings and hugs. You are an extraordinary caring and thoughtful professor, advisor, mentor, and phenomenologist! You exemplify Heidegger’s (1968) “to let learn” (p.15). To Sabrina, thank you for hearing my heart about my doctoral studies and for introducing me to phenomenology! I appreciate your mentorship and encouragement all those many years ago. To my dissertation committee members, thank you! Each of you has played an integral part in my making it the finish line. To Dr. Maria Hyler, Dr. Jennifer Turner, Dr. Jing Lin, thank you. From each of you, I have honed my teaching craft, studied qualitative research methods, and learned about peace education, respectively. Thank you for being dedicated professors who offered valuable, helpful, and informative feedback, taught to iv my learning style, provided educative support and gave thoughtful encouragement. To Dr. Maggie Peterson, we have known each other for many years! Your encouragement and guidance during our UMD doctoral studies journey and the writing of this dissertation is appreciated! Thank you for joining my committee after Dr. McCaleb’s retirement! To my former academic advisor and co-dissertation advisor, Dr. Joseph McCaleb, thank you! I appreciate our first meeting in which I learned about the College of Education, as well as your love for horses (animals we both adore)! Our meeting began the course of pursing my doctoral studies, studying and researching the areas in which I am passionate—transformational writing, creative journaling, writing on the edge, peace education, prison education, and poetry. I appreciate each of our academic meetings and discussions about student success initiatives, women’s literature, and my poetry and lifework. Thank you for your care and thoughtfulness as a professor who challenged me to always be myself in my studies. And, thank you for introducing me to the works of William Stafford! Congratulations on your retirement! To women of this study, Belle, Dianne, Orchid, Marsha Sharron, and Sunflower, thank you for participating in this study. I am honored and forever grateful to you and our sisterhood. May you be forever blessed for helping me! I appreciate your continued prayers and words of encouragement as I worked to finish this dissertation. CJP! To Dr. Kathy Angeletti, thank you! I appreciate your support, guidance and encouragement as I completed my doctoral studies. You have been and are an amazing supervisor. Working with you as a Graduate Assistant has honed my work as an educator (both as a faculty and staff member). Thank you for your sharing your doctoral studies experience stories with me, and for sharing your words of wisdom to rest and regroup in between my writing sessions and draft submissions. Thank you for your mentorship! To my extended family members, in-laws, and God-family, I thank you for your words of kindness and support as I worked over the years to complete my undergraduate and graduate studies! Thank you, Fam! To my sister-friends, close friends, and mentors who have cheered me on through words, deeds, and/or prayers to the end of my doctoral studies in one way or another, I say thank you. Therefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another… to esteem them very highly in love for their work's sake. (1 Thessalonians 5:11, 13) To my University of Maryland classmates who have become friends thank you! I am so grateful to our journey together! May we change the world for the better with our University of Maryland, Education degrees! Finally … rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you. The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.