GRANDPA DAD Nutty? Yes. But If you need advice on T&C HOUSE RULES who’s laughing about breaking rules, ask him organic farming now? first. On Halloween costumes? Try mom. S ussex, a biracial American divorcee, has done your family a massive favor by attract- GIFTS FIT GAGA ing a new audience. Among her many FOR A Just don’t strengths: public speaking and gorgeous PRINCE HOW TO BE A Google her, All the things you’ll okay? handwriting. Sharpen your crayons—she’s super into thank-you notes, too. need for a royal upbringing, from a favorite stuffed Your animal to bibs that grandmother, withstand tea spills. ROYAL BABY icon of grace and style. The arrival of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s MUMMY DIOR TOILE DE JOUY GIRAFFE Likely the GEORG JENSEN FIRSTBORN is an event the whole world is ($630), DIOR.COM stern parent, MONEYPHANT waiting for. So, what does the kid need to know? perhaps due BANK ($95), to time on GEORGJENSEN By Elizabeth Holmes Deal or No .COM Deal. YOUR GRANDPARENTS Elsewhere in the family, there is the afore- COUSIN LOUIS Your mentioned Grandpa Wales, who has been proximity in waiting to be king for the better part of Welcome to the world! First and foremost, everyone down a peg, from the current age might eternity. His people over at Clarence House my sincere apologies for not using your number 7, Great-Uncle Andrew, to num- mean sharing are working overtime to make sure we all the spotlight. proper royal title. There has been much ber 59, Zenouska Mowatt, granddaughter love Chuck before that crown hits, going so speculation over how you will be styled. of the Queen’s first cousin. Your rank will far as to release a photograph of him feed- Will your parents request an official des- rise slightly when your Grandpa Wales, aka ing some chickens last year. Why the need ignation, making you a prince or princess? Prince Charles, steps up. But it will fall and for fowl play, you ask? You will learn of the TIFFANY & CO. BUBBLE BLOWER Or perhaps your father, always something keep falling, I’m afraid, as your cousins pro- mess of his marriage to, and subsequent ($250), TIFFANY.COM of a begrudging recipient of his own status, create. So I won’t get into the fabulousness divorce from, your grandmother, the late has chosen to spare you, instead opting for that is the coronation crown jewels—but COUSIN GEORGE Princess Diana, in due time. An icon tragi- a simple lord or lady. definitely play dress-up with those spar- When you get cally taken too soon. The story also includes COUSIN No matter! We will toast your arrival klers, should you ever get the chance. a chance, ask your GaGa, now known as Camilla, Duch- for an CHARLOTTE with a gin and Dubonnet cocktail, a favor- Befriend ess of Cornwall, who was portrayed as MARIE-CHANTAL introduction to BIB SET ($80), Lottie. After ite of your great-grandmother’s. And in Gary Janetti. something of a villain, although I think the MARIECHANTAL.COM honor of your grand entrance, we’re offer- all, she’ll be world has come around on her. inheriting the ing a quick primer on what you can expect good jewels. from the world. YOUR AUNT & UNCLE Tabloid reports be damned—you are bound Expect a to be close to William and Catherine, the very public Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Prince “I do!” William—pretty please, at least try to call him Uncle Bill—will be king at some point, YOUR COUSINS UNCLE WILLIAM Sure, he’s stodgy, but be AUNT KATE and Aunt Kate his queen consort. The fol- You, Baby Sussex, are never going to reach nice and he just might lend Seems sweet. Probably licularly mismatched pair are formal, yes, Keep on Gan Gan’s—and that throne. Harsh but true. But this is not you the Aston Martin. judging your outfit. but also fun. Give ’em a chance. the corgis’—good side. bad news! Let George of Cambridge bear As for others in the Windsor machine: the burden of heir-apparentness, grow- Never get in a car when Great-Grandpa YOUR GREAT-GRANDMOTHER ing up under the intense scrutiny such a YOUR MUM & DAD Charles Albert David, is a loyal Virgo with a Philip is behind the wheel. And give Great- You will meet many people in the coming position brings. His little sibs Charlotte My apologies, I seem to have already bit of a rebellious streak. He has made some Aunt Fergie a smile if you have it in you; she weeks, but none is more important than and Louis are, by order of their birth, the thrown a lot of names at you in this discus- questionable life choices (cough, Halloween could use it. Get ready [CONTINUED ON PAGE 116] dear old corgi-lovin’ Lizzy—officially unavoidable spares, saddled with the inse- sion of the throne. Let’s back up with a short costumes, cough), but that simply means Queen Elizabeth II, though unofficially I curity that entails. Awful, isn’t it? Instead, lesson on the sure-to-be-important play- that whatever naughty things you do will hear she likes Gan Gan. She ascended to the you are going to enjoy a life of glamour ers in your life. Your father, Prince Henry be chalked up to his influence. Your mum, SILVER CROSS throne some 67 years ago, stepping up after and privilege, free from the stresses of any the actress formerly known as Rachel SURF ASTON her father saved the monarchy from his actual responsibility. Should you choose, Your mum, Meghan Markle, specialized in drama before MARTIN EDITION fool-in-love brother. Upon birth you shall you can even have a flashy royal wedding former joining the firm (ask her to show you an STROLLER (PRICE legal eagle. ON REQUEST), be seventh in line to occupy the throne. just like your parents’, as your first-cousin- episode of Suits sometime) and is rumored SILVERCROSS Lucky number seven! once-removed Princess Eugenie proved. It’s to have brought a bit of drama to the royal Don’t let Great-Grandpa BABY.COM take the wheel. Your entrance means you bump a win-win. GETTY IMAGES (QUEEN ELIZABETH II, BROOKSBANK AND EUGENIE); EVERETT COLLECTION (SUITS STILL); MATT PORTRAIT) PRESS/REDUX (FAMILY HOLYOAK/CAMERA DIANA) GETTY IMAGES (PHILIP, ranks. It’s all rubbish, I say! The Duchess of T&C MAY 2019 115 TOWNANDCOUNTRYMAG.COM star Josh Ostrovsky (aka the Fat Jew) with three of his friends, none of whom is a white woman, although the brand does have a mascot named Babe Walker, who exists only on social media. Ostrovsky and his partners wanted to launch an alcohol product but felt that the spirits market was saturated. Then they noticed the headlines in the summer of 2014 HOW TO BE A ROYAL BABY NO WAY ROSÉ about a rosé shortage in the Hamptons. As Ostrov sky told Downtown magazine, [CONTINUED FROM PAGE 115] to be charmed, as [CONTINUED FROM PAGE 44] Burgundy dancing “People were running through the streets the rest of us have been, by your maternal in my head. But the treasure in question [of the Hamptons], trying to hoard every grandmother, Doria Ragland, but be careful turned out to be a bottle of Domaines Ott. last drop they could get their hands on. around anyone whose last name is Markle. The other guests were drinking rosé from We decided at that moment that we would Wölffer, a winery in nearby Sagaponack, never allow such a tragedy to occur again. YOUR KINGDOM which was selling as much of the stuff as Not on our watch.” The world knows that your father proposed it could produce between June and Sep- The shortage is officially over, people. in the kitchen, over a chicken (really!), so tember. Suddenly, it seemed, rosé was more You can’t go to a party in Nantucket it’s safe to assume food is going to play a than okay. And within a summer or two it or Miami or West Hollywood without major role in your life. Your mum was had become ubiquitous. someone trying to hand you a glass of pale behind a best-selling cookbook last year, in Former Bordeaux château owner pink wine. Nine times out of 10 it will be which she fondly recalled her own family’s Sacha Lichine bears no small part of the a sweet, simple beverage with top notes New Year’s Day tradition of collard greens, credit—or blame—for the rosé craze, of Topps bubblegum. Rosé is the new black-eyed peas, and cornbread. having sold the family estate in Margaux chardonnay, and by chardonnay I mean You will be dining far from the con- and migrated south to sunny Provence, the stuff that was churned out en masse fines of Kensington Palace, what with bringing along the former Mouton Roth- in California following the runaway suc- your parents choosing to make a home at schild winemaker Patrick Léon with the cess of Kendall-Jackson’s Vintner’s Reserve Frogmore Cottage on the Windsor Estate. goal of creating a high-end rosé brand. chardonnay, made with a sneaky dollop of I know what you’re thinking: A cottage? Starting with a production of 10,000 residual sugar. Many of the new rosés that For royalty? I can assure you this will be cases in 2006, Lichine’s Whispering Angel have sprung up to fill the insatiable collec- the grandest of cottages after the reported has become a global phenomenon, selling tive thirst are cloyingly sugary, pandering $4 million in renovations.