BLUEPRINT INCLUDED IN THIS PACKAGE Conversations With Employees A Proven Framework That Works / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / BLUEPRINT 27 Scripts 25 Things Special Of What To Say To Never Say In The Toughest Bonuses Conversation Conversations PRACTICAL TOOLS PRACTICAL TOOLS Difficult Conversations With Employees A Proven Framework That Works / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / Difficult Situations Series BLUEPRINT BLUEPRINT Dear Resourceful Manager, When you first became a manager, more than likely it was because you did your old job well. You may even have had a manual for the technical stuff to guide you. But for the important task of managing people, you were on your own. That’s why we created the ResourcefulManager Blueprint. Each Blueprint focuses on a specific aspect of your role as a manager. It takes you deep inside, puts that aspect into proper perspective and provides a real-life how-to guide that can make you successful. Each Blueprint is broken into four sections: 1. The view from 10,000 feet. An overview that gives you perspective. 2. Success plan. A detailed, step-by-step approach. 3. Stumbling blocks. A heads-up on the traps you need to avoid. 4. Summary. A wrapup that emphasizes the key points of the Blueprint. The Blueprints are researched and written by the ResourcefulManager’s veteran staff of managers and editors. We review hundreds of sources and read thousand of pages from leading authors, thought leaders, news outlets and research firms. We hand select the most useful content, distill complex theories and give it to you in a practical form that allows you to become a great manager – a Resourceful Manager. John Walston ResourcefulManager-in-Chief 370 Technology Drive Malvern, PA 19355 © 2016 ResourcefulManager 800-220-5000 All rights reserved. Difficult Situations Series Difficult Conversations With Employees A Proven Framework That Works Chapter 1: The View From 10,000 Feet Contents The Costly Impact Of Avoiding Difficult Conversations ...... 6 It was the boss’ fault .................................. 6 Difficult conversations never really get easier ............. 8 Three kinds of difficult conversations .................... 8 Surprise and unpredictability ........................... 9 The role of emotion ...................................10 Why the stakes are so high. 10 Plan for success ......................................11 Chapter 2: Success Plan The goal is a dialogue. .14 A Framework For Holding Difficult Conversations ..........15 Before the Talk .......................................15 During the Talk ...................................... 20 After the Talk. 29 Different types of difficult conversations ................ 32 Chapter 3: Stumbling Blocks to Avoid 10 Biggest Mistakes When Holding A Difficult Conversation. 36 Page 3 / 44 Difficult Situations Series Difficult Conversations With Employees A Proven Framework That Works Chapter 4: Summary Contents 4 Things To Remember About Holding Difficult Conversations .........................41 Blueprint Extras Difficult Conversation Checklist ........................ 44 Page 4 / 44 Chapter 1: The View From 10,000 Feet BLUEPRINT Blueprint: Difficult Conversations With Employees ― A Proven Framework That Works The Costly Impact Chapter 1: Of Avoiding Difficult The View From Conversations 10,000 Feet / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / Cal, the star of the in-house sales team, had done so well for so long he was feeling entitled. First, he started coming in late. Then he also started leaving early. And when no one said anything, Cal started taking longer lunch breaks, too, and was often overheard having long personal telephone conversations on work time. Once, when his manager told him to jump right on a new customer, Cal left the caller on hold so he could finish with a personal call. The customer hung up. Other people on the sales team thought it was outrageous that Cal could get away with that, and they started taking some liberties, too. Morale hit an all-time low, sales dipped, and people started blaming one another, or just quitting. The department went into a tailspin. So, who really was to blame? Not Cal. He just pushed the envelope of what was expected of him in that office culture, and when he found out the answer apparently was he could do as he pleased, he did. It was the boss’ fault The blame should instead be put squarely on the shoulders of his boss, who didn’t say anything to him and didn’t confront him when the first signs of a pattern of disruptive behavior became evident. Page 6 / 44 Blueprint: Difficult Conversations With Employees ― A Proven Framework That Works This boss did as so many bosses, managers and supervisors unfortunately do – they tend to avoid a difficult conversation. All difficult conversations involve some degree of unpredictability and confrontation, so most managers and supervisors shy away from them. As a result, bad situations fester and get worse. Poor behavior never gets addressed, so it becomes harder and harder to administer any kind of discipline down the road – after all, the behavior was accepted at first – let alone terminate the employee for sub-standard behavior. Even though there’s no such law that says so, juries have practically written it into the law books that everybody should get at least a warning and a second chance before being terminated. So if no one ever said anything, a sudden dismissal is a virtual guarantee of a lost employment lawsuit for wrongful termination. That would be adding insult to injury to the mounting direct and indirect costs of avoiding difficult conversations. Why did the manager in this instance avoid the difficult conversation he needed to have to correct Cal’s behavior right from the start? It was going to be such a hassle. KEY LESSON Cal was sure to argue and give excuses. The boss didn’t want to disrupt the work flow. He had more important things to do. His job was to manage a sales team, not babysit. He wished there was someone else to deal with “personnel problems.” Maybe tomorrow he would say something. But tomorrow never came, and the boss kept coming up with reasons for putting off having the difficult conversation. Page 7 / 44 Blueprint: Difficult Conversations With Employees ― A Proven Framework That Works Difficult conversations never really get easier Experienced managers know that difficult conversations only get more difficult if you postpone them. They never get any easier. The only way to deal with them is to address the situation with the people involved – as soon as possible and as forcefully as needed. Once the tendencies of the salesman to come and go as he pleased and cut corners became evident, the manager should have invited him into his office or a conference room (behind closed doors), made the rules clear, and made the consequences of not following the rules clearer still. As a manager, you may get some denial about the seriousness of the offenses, or you may get excuses or finger-pointing (“so-and-so always comes in late, too”). You don’t have to put up with finger-pointing or even take it seriously (“we’re here to talk about you – no one else”). Obviously, a one-time personal emergency can be excused. But managers need to make it clear that a pattern of habitual lateness will not be tolerated. They need to add that if the problem persists, progressive discipline procedures will be invoked, starting with a verbal warning, and continuing to a write-up for the employee’s file and eventual termination. Three kinds of difficult conversations Here are three reasons why difficult conversations can be … difficult: 1. Whatever the topic or whoever the person, the conversation will involve some kind of confrontation. Confrontation does not come natural to most people, and can be unpredictable as well. It’s not unreasonable to fear that any kind of confrontation may destroy a pleasant work atmosphere. It’s quite natural to just let it go rather than ruin the positive spirit in the office. But remember, if there is an underlying problem, that will destroy office morale anyway unless it is addressed quickly and properly. Page 8 / 44 Blueprint: Difficult Conversations With Employees ― A Proven Framework That Works 2. The person that you need to have the difficult conversation with is known as a troublesome person. He or she always argues about everything. It’s just a hassle to have to talk to the person at any time. All the more reason to confront the person and effect an attitude adjustment. If they see they’re getting away with being fractious, they’ll just repeat the behavior and become even more intractable. It’s time to put a stop to the bothersome behavior right there and then. 3. The subject of the conversation is difficult and potentially embarrassing to the manager as well as to the employee involved. It may be that there have been complaints that the employee smells, or talks so loudly it irritates co-workers, or has long nose hairs, or some other unsettling physical feature. Some managers may be lucky enough to have an HR Department that can handle such matters, but if you don’t, you have to face the matter head-on. Bring it up in the most neutral tone of voice – just as if you were bringing up a work-related matter, and ask the person for a plan on how to fix the problem. In all three cases, doing nothing and sweeping the problem under the rug will never be an acceptable solution. It will only make matters worse. TAKE ACTION Forceful managers are not afraid to take the bull by the horns and initiate difficult conversations. They know that it’s best to have the conversation now rather than later. Surprise and unpredictability It is not easy to write an exact prescription on how to handle difficult conversations because they often come out of nowhere and catch the manager or supervisor unprepared. Page 9 / 44 Blueprint: Difficult Conversations With Employees ― A Proven Framework That Works You have to be quick and show the ability to think on your feet to avoid potentially disastrous outcomes.