Adoption Advocate NICOLE M. CALLAHAN, EDITOR CHUCK JOHNSON, EDITOR ELISA ROSMAN, PH.D., EDITOR NO. 27 • SEPTEMBER 2010 A PUBLICATION OF THE NATIONAL COUNCIL FOR ADOPTION BACK TO SCHOOL: A GUIDE TO MAKING SCHOOLS AND SCHOOL ASSIGNMENTS MORE ADOPTION-FRIENDLY* by Christine Mitchell† Introduction insensitive questions and comments from their It is September, which means back to school. peers. For many children, it means the end of lazy sum- Some parents are reluctant to tell teachers that mer days, as well as the fun of seeing old friends their child was adopted (if the adoption is not obvi- and making new ones. For some children, it can ous), fearing that he will face negative stereotypes also mean the stress of school assignments that are or teasing from classmates. However, teachers who difficult and/or burdensome for them to complete. have not been informed will not be prepared to be Adoption can include both happiness and loss. flexible with potentially problematic assignments Children in foster care as well as those who have or help support the student as he deals with adop- 1 been adopted often face intrusive questions and tion-related issues. It is important to remember that false assumptions, particularly if they are a part of a child’s adoption story is exactly that: his story. multiracial families. Because children spend a great Teachers may need to be reminded that personal deal of time at school, the messages they receive in details should be kept strictly confidential unless the classroom about families, adoption, and diversi- the child volunteers them. Parents need only dis- ty all play a role in shaping their self-worth and close that information which may help the school feelings about their families. meet their child’s needs. To respect the child’s pri- Schools can support adopted children and chil- vacy, it is best to avoid sharing details about the dren in foster care by providing a sensitive and tol- birth family’s situation that are not relevant to her erant environment in which adoption, multiracial current issues. and diverse families, and various family configura- This guide will help foster and adoptive parents tions are positively reflected in the classroom. advocate for their children, and will also help edu- Parents can help to educate teachers, administra- cators be more aware of and sensitive to the needs tors, and school staff about respectful adoption lan- and issues of children in foster care as well as those guage, and about modifying family-related assign- who have been adopted. We encourage adoptive ments to accommodate adoptive families, as well as families to share it with educators and administra- about strategies for helping children cope with tors at their children’s schools. * This article is adapted from Christine Mitchell’s Adoption Awareness in School Assignments: A Guide for Parents and Educators, the full text of which can be found at www.christine-mitchell.com. National Council For Adoption 225 N. Washington Street • Alexandria, VA 22314 • (703) 299-6633 • www.adoptioncouncil.org 1 Adoption Advocate The Family Tree…and Other The Need for More Inclusive Dreaded School Assignments Assignments Some Typical Experiences There are over 1.8 million adopted children One day ten-year-old Maria brought home in the United States.2 According to the most a writing assignment from school that asked recent reports, there are 423,773 children current- some fairly personal questions about her birth, ly in foster care.3 Several common school assign- including: ments can make children in foster care or chil- dren who have been adopted feel left out, uncom- • How long was your mother in labor? fortable, sad, or hurt. Projects like the “Family • Were you born before or after your due date? Tree”, “Bring-a-Baby Picture” and “Trace Your By how much? Genetic Traits can be particularly difficult for • Who was at the hospital? ” students adopted at older ages; however, children • How were you named? adopted as infants and those living in foster care • What were your first weeks at home like? may also lack the information for some family- Maria was extremely upset by this project; based assignments. she and her mother, Barbara, could answer only Adopted children have, at the very least, five of the 17 questions. Furthermore, they could experienced the loss of their birthparents. Some not provide a baby picture of Maria, as requested, have also endured abuse and neglect, and have because Barbara and her husband adopted Maria spent years in foster homes or orphanages. when she was three years old. The information Basing lessons on a traditional family configura- they have about their daughter’s birth family and tion not only excludes these students, but may history is very limited, and it is not information also trigger feelings of grief.4 they would choose to share with her entire class. Many teachers are not aware of the nega- Additionally, they have no photos of her before tive impact of these projects on adopted children age three. Maria’s teacher was aware that she had or those in foster care until the subject is brought been adopted as a preschooler, but it didn’t occur to their attention. Of course a teacher can’t to him that this assignment would distress her. always anticipate that a family history assignment When eight-year-old Damien was in first is problematic for a particular child. Fortunately, grade, his foster mother knew there was a project these assignments can be easily modified to work coming up that he could not possibly complete. for children in all different types of family con- The students would be asked to gather pictures of figurations without sacrificing the educational themselves as newborns and at ages one, two, goals. The solution generally involves broadening three, four, five, and six. The photos would be the scope of the assignment by offering students mounted on posters and displayed in the class- more choices. It is helpful to keep in mind the room on Back-to-School Night and for several goals of the assignment and different ways to weeks after. Damien, however, had no pictures of reach those goals, rather than emphasizing that all himself before age five. While he might have students’ end products be the same.5 chosen to draw pictures of himself at different ages, it would still have been quite painful to Addressing a Reluctance to Change have classmates ask why he didn’t have photo- Some teachers and administrators are reluc- graphs. Instead, his foster mother spoke with the tant to “fix” something they don’t see as “bro- teacher, who agreed to modify the assignment. ken.” Below are several common objections to She allowed the children to choose between pre- altering school assignments, followed by an alter- senting pictures of themselves at different ages or native viewpoint. photos that showed them enjoying different activities. • “The school cannot cater to every possible 2 Adoption Advocate situation where a student might be offended.” assignments can be challenging and painful for True. But if an assignment is known to be these students, should be encouraged to assign hurtful or difficult for a certain number of alternatives that are appropriate for all students. students, and it can be easily modified, the Here are some common school assignments caring and supportive thing to do is to make and the corresponding challenges or problems the change. they present for adopted children and children in • “Only a handful of students are affected.” foster care, followed by suggestions to make How many students would need to be affect- these assignments more accessible for all stu- ed before we try to avoid upsetting and dents, regardless of their family structure: embarrassing them unnecessarily? At most schools there are more than a few adopted Specific Assignments and How children school-wide. Some of the assign- They Can Be Changed6 ments are problematic for kids adopted as “Bring a Baby Picture” or “Bring Photos of infants as well as those adopted at older Yourself at Every Age from Birth” ages. • “It is the parents' responsibility to communi- 1. Problem: A child adopted internationally cate with the teacher.” Certainly it is helpful or from foster care may not have photos of for parents to discuss their concerns with the herself before age two, three, or even older. child’s teacher, assuming they feel comfort- a) “Bring a baby picture” assignments able sharing their child’s background with emphasize an issue that may already be the teacher. Some families prefer to keep this extremely painful for children who don’t information private. Even if parents talk with have these photos. individual teachers, there is no harm in the b) This project puts the child in the diffi- school also bringing these issues to the cult position of explaining to other kids attention of all staff members. why he doesn’t have baby pictures. The • “It would be difficult to modify these assign- child may not want to share that he was ments. The teachers already have so many adopted at all, much less further details. assignments and tasks they are juggling.” For 2. Solution: Present the assignment as a most teachers, only one or two projects choice. Bring a picture or pictures of would be affected. As instructors tend to yourself: repeat lessons and assignments from year to a) As a baby or any younger age, or year, it is a case of modifying the assignment just once and carrying the new assignment b) On various holidays, or forward in future years. Master assignments c) Enjoying various activities (sports, could be distributed to all teachers.