Welcome to the third thrill-packed edition of Autitude! Autitude is a magazine for the autistic community featuring an eclectic mix of articles, reviews, blogs, cartoons, photos and lots more. Illustrated and curated by the talented Ash Loydon, Autitude is shaped by what matters most to you. Thank you so much to everyone who has contributed to this edition, if you have something you would like to share please get in touch with us at [email protected]. To make sure you are updated when the latest edition is released sign up here – thank you! 4. Winter Connections update. 5. Reasonable Adjustment – A series by Lea B. 8. Taking Things Literally – An ongoing cartoon series by Peter Vermeulen. 10. Poems by C.D. 13. Hello Kitty! - Ash Loydon confesses all as teen hormones and cult horror collide. 18. Andrew Moodie casts a critical eye over Coming 2 America. 20. Artitude! Featuring Alistair Cowell. 22. Spectrum Superstars! 23. The Last Word. Email us at [email protected] 2. Fallen in Love, From a Chair December 2018. Dear Santa, think ble" it this #ear, a$ter all. %# too&good&to&be true 'ob no" "ill be devoured b# a bunch o$ unhel($ul $eelings acting in m# chest in coordinated "a#s. Santa, have tried to masks things, but #ou !no" ho" it is b# the time get home, get tired o$ it all. So last "ee! m# $ianc), aka elusive bo#$riend asked me i$ "as in love. said *#es+. ,hen he as!ed me i$ it "as someone at "ork and said *#es+. %#, "ould reall# need a more tactful brain than this one in m# skull- .uickl# added though: *0ut think it+s nothing. 1eall#. 2e must be 'ust reminding me o$ someone $rom the (ast. 3ou kno". t "ill (ass.+ kno" it "on’t. ,he# sa# the #oung Jac.ueline 0ouvier "rote that Senator 5enned# "ill (la# a ver# signi$icant role in her li$e, 'ust upon meeting him. She $elt it. 6o", haven’t "ritten this do"n any"here #et but: am totall# scared- 7h# did such strong $eelings have to $ind me "hen am about to conclude a success$ul (robationar# (eriod and alread# im(rinted on ever#one at "ork as being almost-cool88 even did the ver# neuroty(ical thing o$ talking to the "hole blessed collective o$ these *(ros+, $or several minutes, going on and on and on. 7ell, then it "as mainl# to leave an im(ression on 2enrik. 0ecause he seemed to enjo# me (resenting $or the $irst time. 9nd m# boss "as over the moon. 9nd 2enrik seemed to be beaming. %ust be m# accent. confess, Santa: (resented each month so $ar. 0o#, did (resent. 1eciting information about community groups like it "as :vid- 9long cometh $i$teen (artici(ants;3our "inter coats to me are (i.uant/Who can behold such statistics-... 9nd so $orth. Each "ord bouncing $rom the "alls as an e<cited smile, "hat an enthusiastic ne" sta$$ s(eaking… am alread# lost and don+t even kno" it. %# (artner does. t is the intranet to blame, reall#. 0eing s"eetl# cerebral, can $all in love "ith someone+s mind "ithout much regard to other s(eci$ics. $ind m#sel$ "aiting $or his messages in m# trench&station & sorr#, "or!&station & li!e the# "ere carrier (igeons some"here in France. Run, hide, e<(losions. kno" this, "hat $eel, "on+t 'ust scurr# a"a#. 6ot this time. ,his (igeon has landed, a real $olk tale. am reading his "ords and $alling, more and more love&h#(er$ocus sets in. t is most nightmarish $or m# brain. ,o begin "ith, can onl# reall# $ocus on one thing at a time. >lus, +ve al"a#s been (roud o$ being able to sta# a"a# $rom reall# big emotions that seem to undermine so man# $olks, #et no"… it is here. Lo, he is smart and "itty enough and dashing in m# e#es ? and alread# belongs. "ish could go back to "here "as an adolescent, cleaning m# house(lants ever# Frida# the ver# same "a#, al"a#s between 1(m and @(m, thinking gro"ing up "as not such a big deal, a$ter all. A couldn+t imagine "h# (eo(le "ere $ussing so much about it, a$ter all, #ou 'ust $ollo" a set o$ di$$erent routines and that+s it, right?B 0ut that "as be$ore 2enrik. 3ou see, Jackie ended up covered in blood then unha((il# married to a millionaire. What "ill m# headstone sa#8 *0etter to have been em(lo#ed than to love+8 2ave some sense, Lea. Sure. C0# ne<t s(ring "ill make a com(lete $ool o$ m#sel$ in $ront o$ a bunch o$ colleagues ? author+s note.D guess, this is the kind o$ situation "e called *nag# !aki+ in 2ungar#, here it "ould be something like a *big stooshie+. ronicall#, learnt that "ord $rom m# manager, %egan. CShe "ill onl# $ind out "hat is going on ne<t summer ?author+s note again.D Santa, couldn’t #ou at least make him be one o$ the roo$ "orkers at the o$$ice8 So that "e "ould never have to actuall# be (resent in the same s(ace and me having to ma!e (lans $or .uic!l# diving under m# desk i$ a meltdo"n comes too $ast and "ouldn’t reach the corridor. 7ill get m#sel$ $ired i$ absentmindedl# scan m# heart in the (hotoco(#ing room8... Lord, turn me into a "histle and let me be carried a"a# $rom here, messages or no messages- 6evertheless, thank 3ou $or the $irst three undisturbed "eeks o$ this ne" 'ob in :ctober. t "as great, seriousl#. 9nd thank #ou $or the t"elve metres between he and , nine to $ive. 6o", "ill drag m# $ianc) to the com(any Christmas dinner, "ill act as the most taken "oman in the "orld, "ill look at both o$ them simultaneousl# and this "ill all go a"a#. Sorted- 2ave some sense, have it. Right… 9nd m# "orld "ill break into two there, looking into the bathroom mirror o$ that restaurant. Lea, Lea, this is a ne" sense. See it. >s: :n another note, Santa, (lease do not turn 2enrik into a roo$ "orker. A t is almost the holida#s, has mouths to $eed, is gi$ted, ver# slightl# ageing, too bus#, too &"hat+s the "ord& bra" etcB. 1egards. Stam(ed. Dated. Signed b# me (have almost (assed (robationar# (eriod, sup(osedl# talented, some"hat e<otic, too confused, too in a"e, bonnie but doomed etcB. $ #ou’d like to contact Lea about her article #ou can do so at lea([email protected] Peter Vermeulen’s Butterflies. Brainwashing. Headquarters. Piecemeal. >oems b# C.D Emotions %# re$lection in theEmirror, ,ears run do"n m# $ace, in slo" motion. 7hat does it mean? $eel a heaviness (ull at m# limbs, a dull ache behind m# e#es. ,he light hurts. "ander the dar! streets in the night. Em(ty. 9 ghost city.E Sometimes sto( and stare blankl# at m#sel$, in a sho( "indo".E See the streetlights shine, amber, behind me. ,he rain has mi<ed "ith m# tears no". don't understand this, but,E !no" that she is dead.EE Fear, sadness, grie$.E recognise the "ords.E Fve seen these emotions, in other (eo(le,E their $aces, actions, reactions.E 0ut in me, see onl# the (u$$#, red e#es, tears sliding do"n m# cheeks.E 9nd kno" that the# must mean something,E but it esca(es me.E Emotional regulation "aited G0 minutes in a .ueue toda#. ,he bureaucrat said HSorr#, 6o.H 0ecause that's "hat the# do. So, then cried.E 0ecause that's "hat do. ,he energ# $or me to sa#,E that thereFs no "a#, can go I0 miles to $i< their mistake. t's a lot to ask o$ an#one.E am undone.E am shaken and scared,E be$ore even leave the house. HCan #ou $i< it on the (hone8H H,hereFs no "a#H. %ore tears.E %ore $rustration "ith m#sel$. remember the term, EHemotional regulation",E ne" to m# understanding o$ m#sel$.E 1ealise that am not (athetic,E or "eak, or overreacting.E 0ut over"helmed and neurodiverse. So, e<(lain to the nameless,E $aceless individual a little about m#sel$, m# limitations. 2old music $or 1I minutes. "ait.E loo! out the "indo".E listen to m# breaths.E consider m# strengths.E look at the mural o$ a treeE that (ainted in m# room.E 9 mantra calming and grounding.EE H have em(ath#, creativity and com(assion". think that the#Fve hung up on me. Finall#, H:ka#H, so "e can $i< it here. t's all done. Relie$ s"arms over me, (rickling and cool.E ,hereFs a hangover $rom the anxiety,E the com(le<ity.E 0ut alongside the e<haustion,E there is a little s(ark. cried, but didn't break.E 9 little hurdle $or most,E 0ut signi$icant $or me.E 9nd did it,E clinging onto all that am.E Ever#one that kno"s me will kno" that Brea!$ast At Ti$$an#Fs is my $avourite boo! ever. don't thin! there has ever been another author (outside Terrance Dic!s "ho basically taught me to readB to have such a pro$ound ef$ect on me than Truman Ca(ote, $rom the moment I first read n Cold Blood I "as hoo!ed - finally a voice understood and - more im(ortantly - believed in and quic!ly devoured everything and anything I could $ind b# or about him.