Modern family Season 2 Episode 01 Claire : Honey, do you need me to move the car? Phil : Ho, no! It's nothing. I'm alright. Oh no! Iron cross Claire : Oh God... Phil... You okay? Phil : Yes. I am. I am okay. Claire : Honey, why do we keep this car? Phil : It's a classic! Claire : No, it just sits here. And the seatbelts don't work. The doors stick. It leaks fluids. We haven't put fluids in it in 10 years. Phil : Well, I'm gonna fix all that anyway. And then, uh, it's gonna be Haley's car. Claire : Oh, we're not giving this car to Haley. It's way too easy to fit a mattress in the back. Phil : Remember? Claire : Oh, no. We're selling it. Phil : What?! Claire : Mm-hmm. Unless you don't think you can. Phil : Really? Claire : Yeah. Phil : Seriously? Claire : You can't. Phil : You honestly think that's gonna work? Claire : You can't sell it. Phil : You know what? You can insult a lot of things about me... My hair, my voice, my balance- board exercises... But don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's 'cause I just sold it. [OPENING CREDITS] Cameron : "while the spray-tanned starlet claims to be six weeks sober, sources down under say she has been bar-hopping like a coked-up kangaroo." Mitchell : Ah, what's daddy reading to you? Cameron : If I have to read "the very hungry caterpillar" One more time, I will snap. Mitchell : Oh, it's not that bad. Cameron : I will snap! Mitchell : So, um, I laid the toolbox outside, And all the supplies are ready, And I think we are good to go! Cameron : Terrific. Mitchell : Aren't you gonna change into a working man's outfit? Cameron : No, I'm good, And I don't think workmen really call them "outfits." Mitchell : We are building a princess castle for Lily. Uh, it's something every father wants to be able to do for his daughter. You know. And I fancy myself as a bit of a castle designer. I have done a few sketches. Cameron : Which we have archived so we can use the kit. Mitchell : Mm, yeah. Cameron : The kit. Mitchell : Uh, the kit. Which, uh, we're gonna do together. Cameron : I am petrified to do this with Mitchell. He built a couple of theater sets in college or something, and now he thinks he knows everything about building. Well, he doesn't. Every home- improvement project that we've undertaken has been a near-death experience. Cameron : Make the appetizers. And then we'll be... Cameron : If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me... because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person. Gloria : Honey, relax. She's not here yet. Jay : You might want to play it a little cooler. You don't want to scare off your girlfriend. Manny : She's not my girlfriend! She's just coming over to study the life cycle of silkworms. Oh. She's here. She's here! Okay, how's my hair? Jay : I thought it was just a friend. Manny : I heard that. Jay : I wasn't whispering. Gloria : Manny, open the door. Make her feel welcome. Manny : Kelly! Good morning. Uh, I'm glad you're here. Um, this is my mom. Gloria : Nice to meet you! Gloria : In my culture, mothers are very clingy to their sons. In fact, the leading cause of death among Colombian women is when their sons get married. But I'm not like that. I just want my Manny to be happy. Gloria : Manny, why don't you give your friend Kelly an empanada? Kelly : Oh, no, thank you. I try to stay away from trans fats. Gloria : Oh, I'm sure one won't make a difference. They're Manny's favorite! Manny : I...Think I'm going to stop eating trans fats, too. Luke : Mom? When was this from? Claire : Oh... That's the year your dad and I went to the rose bowl. Phil : Incredible game. Claire : Yeah. Luke : Mom, you look really pretty. Claire : Thank you, sweetheart. Luke : So, what happened? Phil : Well, Lukey, everyone gets older. Just 'cause parts of your mom aren't what they used to be, It doesn't me... Luke : I mean, what happened in the game? Phil : We got our butts kicked by penn state. The parade was awesome, though. Angela Lansbury was the grand marshal. "good time, she wrote." Claire : Okay, guys. Let's get back to it. No one's gonna buy this heap looking this way. Haley : Hey, mom, which one is the garbage can? Claire : Um, it... Honey, you can't throw that away. It's blankety. Haley : It's disgusting. Claire : No, sweetie, you loved blankety. You wouldn't go anywhere without him. Phil : Yeah, until Luke threw up on it. Luke : yeah. I used to throw up all the time. Remember buckety? Claire : Oh! Oh, look at this. Haley : What is that? Claire : We went to the beach one day, and had such a good time that he wanted to being home a jar of sunshine so he could always remember it. Do you remember, Honey? Luke : Oh, no... no, no, don't... don't open it. Alex : You really think you trapped sunshine in there? I'm just letting you know now, I'm not taking care of him when you guys die. Claire : Stop. It's sweet. Luke : Still feels hot. Mm. Phil : Hey! It's that guy who came by earlier. He was really interested. What was his name? Shoot! Phil : Well, you can't be in sales and not remember people's names. That's why I like to use what they call "minimonic" devices. They're little tricks to help you remember. Um, like t other day, I met this guy named Carl. Now, I might forget that name, But he was wearing a grateful dead t-shirt. What's a band like the grateful dead? Phish. Where do fish live? The ocean. What else lives in the ocean? Coral. Hello, "coral." Claire : I think it's "mnemonic." Phil : I-I think I'd remember. Phil : Okay. You can do it, d. Okay. He looked like the drummer from Foreigner. Now, Foreigner's from France. France rhymes with "ants." Ants ruin a picnic. What's up, Nick? Really? Really? Well, that's great. Yeah, no, swing by anytime. We're here all day. Thanks. Guess what? You said I couldn't sell this? Well, you're gonna be eating humble pie stuffed with crow and a big side of sorry, 'cause I just did. In your face, girl with the negative tattoo! Honey... Wait. Claire : No! Luke : Whoa. Someone doesn't like to lose. Phil : Honey. Honey! Claire : I'm sorry. I'm sorry. When I woke up this morning, I hated that car, And even thinking about it made me mad. but then when we were going through it and blankety... all that stuff... I just... The thought of that whole part of our life driving away... Phil : We can keep blankety. Claire : I don't want... Look at them. Come on. A minute ago, they were babies. And now they're driving. And soon we'll all be dead. Phil : Whoa! You're leaving out a few great minutes there. Retirement, old age... Cool chair that goes up the stairs. Claire : Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm...Being ridiculous. Phil : Don't apologize. I love you when you're human. Listen. Hey! Listen! We don't have to sell the car. Claire : Oh, sweetie, of course we do. It doesn't make any sense to keep it. Phil : Well, what can I do to make you feel better? Claire : Nothing. Unless you can build me a time machine. Phil : Honey... Until someone can figure out how to keep a wormhole from collapsing in on itself, that's just a pipe dream. Claire : Sure. Come on back, Phil. Mitchell : Well, I found the... I found the nail gun. Cameron : Oh. Yay. Mitchell : The weirdest thing... it was wrapped in an old towel Stuffed in a box on the top shelf of the closet. Cameron : Well, just set it down on the counter. Jay : Heads up! Mitchell : Oh, dad, what are you doing here? Jay : I'm, uh, just, uh, returning that crockpot that Gloria borrowed. Cameron : Oh, yeah, I forgot you had that crockpot, Jay. Well, we're just getting ready to build Lily a princess castle if you... Want to help? Jay : Yeah, sure. Cameron : Oh. Well, if it's okay with you, Mitchell. Mitchell : Oh, yeah! Oh, no, dad. Oh, remember how much fun we had when we built that bookshelf together? Jay : That was my Vietnam. And I was in Vietnam. Mitchell : Oh! Look at us! Three construction dudes! Dad, I'm gonna get you some workman. I have a blue and camel. What's your preference? Jay : Surprise me. Kelly : Wouldn't it be easier If we had all our stuff in the same notebook? Manny : You think? Kelly : I mean, we're always going back and forth. I'll just put my things in your notebook. Manny : Okay. Gloria : Who wants chocolate milk? Manny : Sure, mom. Gloria : So how is it going? Manny : Great! Kelly's moving her stuff into my notebook. Gloria : This is sudden. Kelly : It just felt right.