Ruff Peggy Shaw and Lois Weaver PROLOGUE (PEGGY enters with a bottle of water, a shoe, and an orange. Three blank television screens envelop her on stage. A large roll of green paper covers the back wall, extending across the floor to the audience edge, creating the playing space.) I was minding my own business, And an icicle of death hit the ocean floor of my brain. (PEGGY hands the orange to an audience member to hold.) I guess I was praying. I was already on my knees. If you get me through this, I’ll stop wearing suits. I’ll get gay married. I’ll pay market rent in Manhattan. I’ll stop wearing skinny jeans. I’ll take anti-depressants. I’ll buy a car from the decade I’m living in. I’ll stop drinking coffee. I’m so sorry I was drinking coffee. If I knew there was an absolute connection to the way I felt, I’d definitely give up coffee. And cigarettes. But I already gave up cigarettes. And just so you know, It’s worth the high blood pressure and the heart disease to order to have been able to smoke for a while. (PEGGY asks another audience member to hold her shoe.) 108 PAJ 119 (2018), pp. 108–132. © 2018 Peggy Shaw and Lois Weaver doi:10.1162/PAJJ_a_00413 Downloaded from http://www.mitpressjournals.org/doi/pdf/10.1162/pajj_a_00413 by guest on 29 September 2021 There was just no more room for new thoughts in my brain. It had reached capacity. After spending forty-five years on stage with lights in my eyes, Trying to figure out what a woman is, let alone a lesbian, My brain finally crashed. I decided to try to recover some of my documents by doing some old shows as soon as I could, To prove to myself that I could still do it. People really liked that because I had to slow down. They could appreciate what I was saying, not just that I looked like Sean Penn. Although I always like to say Sean Penn looks like me. And they also liked it when I told them that I’d had a stroke. Then they could say, “Wow, I couldn’t tell!” “You look great!” “You were lucky!” I’m good at performing wellness, But the doctor says that works against me. He also says that if I get the flu, my body will react like it’s having another stroke. I think of it like blowing up a balloon. It’s easier the second time because the rubber is all stretched out. But I cough. Sometimes when you cough in a show, you have the audience suspended in the palm of your hand, ’Cause they wish so much that they could give you some water. (PEGGY speaks directly to a random audience member in the front row.) Just so you know, Water doesn’t stop the cough. But I have a bottle of water to relax your worries. (She hands an audience member the bottle of water.) The only thing that can help is a cough drop, But you can’t talk very well with a cough drop. If you see me start to cough, you could either wait for me to get a cough drop, Or you could say, “That’s OK, take all the time you need to cough.” I guess we could call that audience participation. SHAW and WEAVER / Ruff 109 Downloaded from http://www.mitpressjournals.org/doi/pdf/10.1162/pajj_a_00413 by guest on 29 September 2021 GREEN About five years ago now, I made a show where I would take off my shoe and lie down in a circle of light. (PEGGY lies down in a circle of light center stage. She asks the audience member holding her shoe to place it in the light on stage.) This was copied from a photo by Weegee, The famous photographer who kept all his cameras in the trunk of his car, And lived in an SRO, like Quentin Crisp. When there was a crime, He would hear it on the police radio, Jump up and get in his car with the cameras, And go to the scene of the crime. Several times during the show, I’d lie down in the circle of light with my shoe off and say, “Have you ever noticed that when someone is hit by a car or something, One or both of their shoes comes off? I wonder why this happens. I wonder if someone takes them off or if the force of the impact removes them.” Or I would say: “I hope this is not the year I will get a headache like Bob did and have a stroke, And my brain will be robbed of oxygen. And I’ll lose my social skills. And in order to do a show someone will have to write the whole script. And tape it to the back wall of the theatre like they did for Joe Chaikin. And I won’t have to learn it.” I was practicing. (PEGGY stands up as the performance text appears on all three screens. This is displayed for the remainder of the performance.) The day Ellen Stewart died I dreamt she was pulling me down with her, Her silver fingernails digging into my shoulders and arms, Dragging me down with her ’cause she was lonely. The day after her funeral, After she got a standing ovation from the sold-out crowd at St. Patrick’s Cathedral, 110 PAJ 119 Downloaded from http://www.mitpressjournals.org/doi/pdf/10.1162/pajj_a_00413 by guest on 29 September 2021 I had a stroke. Her desire was that strong. There were three things that caused my stroke: Number One: Ellen Stewart’s desire. Number Two: Too many lights shining in my eyes for too many years. Number Three: Seeing a home movie of my sister’s wedding in 1957, When I was thirteen years old and wearing a green dress. Ellen Stewart hated green. She didn’t allow green to appear anywhere on her stage. She believed that it brought bad luck. And if you didn’t believe that, You would soon find out that she was right. It was a spiritual thing because something always happened to those who defied her. I guess that’s why I had a stroke. ’Cause I didn’t go with her. And that was a huge moment in my life. Deciding not to do everything Scorpios tell me to do. So maybe if you are psychological, You could say this performance is about defying Scorpios. Or Ellen Stewart. Some of my brain is missing now. Look at me: Can you guess which part? I know which part because I have a picture of it. (A projection representing PEGGY’s brain is displayed on the back wall.) Some of you will look at me and think you know what’s going on in my head. I can’t challenge you on that because I don’t really know what is going on in my head. You could call the police. You could get a lawyer. You could sue me. You could put me in performer jail for not knowing what comes next. That would be the end of me. You would never believe any of the things I say or do. Let me introduce you to my band. SHAW and WEAVER / Ruff 111 Downloaded from http://www.mitpressjournals.org/doi/pdf/10.1162/pajj_a_00413 by guest on 29 September 2021 (A pre-recorded video featuring all the members of PEGGY’s band is projected on the back wall. Each is a previous Split Britches collaborator. They play during the musical breaks throughout the performance. PEGGY introduces them one by one.) Vivian on drums. Missy on bass. Antonia on guitar. Missy on guitar. Terry on horns. Ellie on accordion. Sharon on accordion. Maggie on piano. One Thanksgiving, when I lived on First Avenue and First Street, I cooked my first turkey for friends, And I forgot to take out the giblets. They were secretly cooking inside the twenty-one-pound bird. I had taken a tab of acid and when it kicked in, I went to check on the turkey. When I opened the oven door, there was this giant hot dead bird cooking in my oven. I was so freaked out, I had to leave my apartment. I remember a man who drank too much and wouldn’t stop. He drank until he threw up in the toilet every night. His daughter went out and bought a turkey with all its gizzards, including the heart and liver. When he came home, threw up, and passed out, She put the turkey parts in the toilet and told him that he had thrown up his insides. Seeing his body parts in the toilet made him lose his taste for Wild Turkey. I often get dizzy and nauseous riding in the back seat of a car. When I was a kid, my parents always brought towels for me. My dad would stop the car on the side of the road. My brother would open the car door so I could throw up. The towels were there in case I didn’t make it, but I usually did. I wonder what will happen to me now. Green is what I am left with. After the defiance, After the funeral. 112 PAJ 119 Downloaded from http://www.mitpressjournals.org/doi/pdf/10.1162/pajj_a_00413 by guest on 29 September 2021 NAME GAME (A video projection of an arctic landscape appears.