Dear BWC community, The Aging in Community group has developed this guide to a secular memorial service as an offering to the larger BWC community. Living through a pandemic has thrust the thought of mortality – our own and that of our loved ones – to the very front of our minds. We may already know someone who is sickened or has died. And although we know to expect funerals as a part of life, we often feel unprepared. This guide offers a structure and some readings as a place to start. We expect you will modify it as appropriate for your family, and when we update it, we will ask for additional suggestions of poems or songs to include. We hope that this guide will serve as a resource for you at a difficult time. With love, Marsha Lazar Aging in Community Co-Chair Secular Memorial Readings, Poems, and Songs Introduction: This document is presented by the Boston Workers Circle to offer a guide for a memorial or celebration of life at a difficult time for the mourners, not as a rigid template. It contains a collection of readings, poems, and songs collected for people who would like to have a meaningful secular memorial service for their loved ones. You are invited to personalize the opening and closing remarks and to choose poems and songs that are meaningful to you and to the person you are memorializing. You are likewise invited to include your own poems, songs, music, and thoughts that are most appropriate for your loved one. You may wish to include music - live or recorded - such as those suggested in this document. You might choose to hand out song sheets and encourage participants to join in singing. You may wish to designate beforehand one or more people to speak about your loved one: who they were and their special strengths and qualities. Humor, if you and the others choose to use it, may deepen and sharpen the story. After the designated speakers have finished, you may wish to ask if anyone else wishes to add a few words. A helpful resource may be “Here is Our Light,” by Rabbi Miriam S. Jerris and Sheila Malcolm, in the BWC library. 1 Suggested Openings: We are here today to remember ______________________________ . Although we are mourning their passing, we feel comfort in our memories and in the joy in having known them. “To everything, there is a season and a time for every purpose on earth - a time to be born and a time to die.” Death is the companion of Life, but it is the life we live that is the more significant, and ______________________ lives on in our memories (and through the contributions they made to us and to others / the community), and we cherish their life. (This would be an appropriate time to include personal anecdotes and memories) 2 Poems and Songs: We will now read some poems/songs that most exemplify our feelings on this occasion. (if appropriate, this would be the time to pass out song sheets) Readings & Poems When I am dead, my dearest – Christina Rossetti 5 Life Must Go On - A Navajo Prayer 5 We Remember Them – Jack Riemer & Sylvan Kamens 6 It is a Fearful Thing – Yehuda HaLevi 7 O Beautiful End – Rabindranath Tagore 7 In Lieu of Flowers – Shawn Lemay 8 My Hereafter – Juanita De Long 9 Epitaph – Merritt Malloy 10 Father – Menachem Rosensaft 11 Your Voice - Arthur Liebhaber 11 In Memoriam – Arthur Liebhaber 12 Hannah Senesh 12 Songs Di Zun Vet Aruntergeyn – Moshe-Leib Halperm 13 Mayn Rue Plats (My Resting Place) 14 A Malekh Veynt (An Angel Weeps) – Peretz Hirshbein 15 O Kum Shoyn Shtiler Ovnt 16 Mayn Tsavoe (My Testament) – David Edelstadt 17 Changes – Phil Ochs 18 & 19 When I’m Gone - Phil Ochs 20 & 21 Gracias A La Vida - Violeta Parra 21 & 22 Turn, Turn, Turn - Pete Seeger 23 Love Call Me Home – Peggy Seeger 24 To My Old Brown Earth - Pete Seeger 25 Swimming to the Other Side – Pat Humphries 25 & 26 Hallelujah - Leonard Cohen 27 & 28 3 Suggested Closings: The physical body of __________ is no longer with us, but they are alive in the memories that have been shared and in their ideals. We invite the gathering to take a moment to reflect silently on your most cherished memory of ______________ and, after the service, perhaps share it with their family and with each other. Thank you all for coming today. Your presence is much appreciated. Papercut by Mae Tupa. 4 Readings and Poems When I am dead, my dearest - Christina Rossetti When I am dead, my dearest, Sing no sad songs for me; Plant thou no roses at my head, Nor shady cypress tree: Be the green grass above me With showers and dewdrops wet; And if thou wilt, remember, And if thou wilt, forget. I shall not see the shadows, I shall not feel the rain; I shall not hear the nightingale Sing on, as if in pain: And dreaming through the twilight That doth not rise nor set, Haply I may remember, And haply may forget. Life Must Go On - A Navajo Prayer Grieve for me, for I would grieve for you. Then brush away the sorrow and the tears Life is not over, but begins anew, With courage you must greet the coming years. To live forever in the past is wrong; It can only cause you misery and pain. Dwell not on memories overlong, With others you must share and care again. Reach out and comfort those who comfort you; Recall the years, but only for a while. Nurse not your loneliness; but live again. Forget not. Remember with a smile. 5 We Remember Them - Jack Riemer and Sylvan D. Kamens Adapted from The Yizkor Service (All are invited to join in each time on "we remember them.") I call them to mind and heart, the texture of their life, its presence in mine. In the rising of the sun and in its going down, we remember them. In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, we remember them. Images rise up and fall away, moments in the current of time— In the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring, we remember them. In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer, we remember them. Tender, harsh, extraordinary, mundane, In the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn, we remember them. In the beginning of the year and when it ends, we remember them. May the threads of memory be woven into the fabric of my life and bring healing When we are weary and in need of strength, we remember them. When we are lost and sick at heart, we remember them. When we have joys we yearn to share, we remember them. So long as we live, they too shall live, For they are now a part of us, as we remember them. 6 It is a Fearful Thing – Yehuda HaLevi It is a fearful thing, to love what death can touch. A fearful thing, to love, to hope, to dream, to be – To be, and oh, to lose. A thing for fools, this, And a holy thing, a holy thing to love. For Your life has lived in me, Your laugh once lifted me, Your word was gift to me. To remember this brings painful joy. ‘Tis a human thing, love, A holy thing, to love what death has touched. O Beautiful End - Rabindranath Tagore Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet. Let it not be a death but completeness. Let love melt into memory and pain into songs. Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest. Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night. Stand still, O beautiful end, for a moment, and say your last words in silence. I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light you on your way. 7 In Lieu of Flowers - Shawn Lemay In lieu of flowers, please take a loved one out to lunch. Although I love flowers very much, I won't see them when I'm gone. So in lieu of flowers: Buy a book of poetry written by someone still alive, sit outside with a cup of tea, a glass of wine, and read it out loud, by yourself or to someone, or silently. Spend some time with a single flower. A rose maybe. Smell it, touch the petals. Really look at it. Drink a nice bottle of wine with someone you love. Or, Champagne. And think of what John Maynard Keynes said, "My only regret in life is that I did not drink more Champagne." Or what Dom Perignon said when he first tasted the stuff: "Come quickly! I am tasting stars!" Take out a paint set and lay down some colors. Watch birds. Common sparrows are fine. Pigeons, too. Geese are nice. Robins. In lieu of flowers, walk in the trees and watch the light fall into it. Eat an apple, a really nice big one. I hope it's crisp. Have a long soak in the bathtub with candles, maybe some rose petals. Sit on the front stoop and watch the clouds. Have a dish of strawberry ice cream in my name. If it's winter, have a cup of hot chocolate outside for me. If it's summer, a big glass of ice water. If it's autumn, collect some leaves and press them in a book you love.