Volume 2009 Issue 31 Article 11 7-15-2009 Moldiwhether's Minutes Gwenyth E. Hood Follow this and additional works at: https://dc.swosu.edu/mcircle Part of the Children's and Young Adult Literature Commons Recommended Citation Hood, Gwenyth E. (2009) "Moldiwhether's Minutes," The Mythic Circle: Vol. 2009 : Iss. 31 , Article 11. Available at: https://dc.swosu.edu/mcircle/vol2009/iss31/11 This Fiction is brought to you for free and open access by the Mythopoeic Society at SWOSU Digital Commons. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Mythic Circle by an authorized editor of SWOSU Digital Commons. An ADA compliant document is available upon request. For more information, please contact [email protected]. To join the Mythopoeic Society go to: http://www.mythsoc.org/join.htm Mythcon 51: A VIRTUAL “HALFLING” MYTHCON July 31 - August 1, 2021 (Saturday and Sunday) http://www.mythsoc.org/mythcon/mythcon-51.htm Mythcon 52: The Mythic, the Fantastic, and the Alien Albuquerque, New Mexico; July 29 - August 1, 2022 http://www.mythsoc.org/mythcon/mythcon-52.htm This fiction is available in The Mythic Circle: https://dc.swosu.edu/mcircle/vol2009/iss31/11 EDITORIAL AND COMMENTARY (continued from p. 3 ) literary critic Squidgeboodle. We haven’t heard from Squidgeboodle for a while, but apparently he is up to his old tricks. As before, I’m not certain how the drafted minutes of his committee meeting reached my laptop, but in the spirit of giving the devil his due, I print them here, trusting my wise readers to make all necessary allowances for the diabolic viewpoint expressed there. # # # Moldiwhether’s Minutes To: Moldiwhether, Secretary From: Squidgeboodle, Director Cagily yours, Center for Art, Literature and Other Squidgeboodle Pretentious Diversions Re: Draft, Minutes of April 1 Steering ##### Committee Meeting Dear Diabolic colleagues and members of My dear Moldiwhether, the Steering Committee, here are the drafted minutes from April 1. It is only a draft. Having read your document (with much What are your thoughts? Any corrections, snickering) I now anticipate weeks of emendations, or omissions? tantalizing rumors about the bribes you will ---Moldiwhether, Secretary demand from whom to suppress what. Do you actually expect to get something from # # # # me? I’m tickled. I can reserve a slot for DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT 2 your blackmail spiel this Monday. Get your --Minutes – 1 April 2009 notes together, rehearse once or twice, and you may go professional one day. Members Present: Allecto, Astaroth, Belial, Sending your draft to the whole Legion, Mammom, Moldiwhether committee was a shrewd choice. Should it (Secretary), Saturnion, Squidgeboodle be leaked before proper redaction, everyone (Chair). will be a suspect. Not that it would produce Guests: Beelzebub, Mephistopheles, a millionth of the infernal frisson Beelzebub Moloch. got when he slipped the minutes of the First The meeting was called to order at Diabolic Congress into John Milton’s study midnight. The Chair announced the agenda: and it became Book 2 of Paradise Lost . But “To coordinate the committee’s activities certain fallen cherubs might gnash their teeth with the tactics of the Supreme Infernal more than usual. I have added clarifying comments in 2 square brackets and am sending the copy Per usual procedure, the meeting was recorded; those wishing to review the audio files must request only to you. If it leaks in this form, we will separate passwords from the Chair, the General know exactly whom to blame. Or will we? Infernal Inspector and the Infernal Regency. The Mythic Circl e #31, pg. 44 Regency during this phase of the Secular letters. Operation.” He introduced our distinguished Squidgeboodle chuckled. “That doesn’t guests, namely Beelzebub and Moloch, look like an unusual number for a small insiders on the Regency council, and their literary magazine. Unfortunately, most senior staff member, Mephistopheles, who such publications provide opportunities for spoke first. “We have come because the growth in literacy, in facility with words, in Regency fears that your committee’s tactics various styles and modes, along with are not well synchronized with its own.” possibilities for camaraderie. They even The Chair replied, “Of course, at a word inspire acquaintance with poems, stories and from the Supreme Infernal Regency, we fables of enduring value. And none of it would rework our tactics completely.” [If I motivated by greed.” He nodded to may so, old Mephisto and I delivered our Mammon, who wept and gnashed his teeth. remarks in the best Infernal deadpan, rather “But as your chief staffer, the honorable like the recorded voices on automated Mephistopheles pointed out in the latest telephone commercials.] Annual Zeitgeist , this is generally balanced Beelzebub said, “The Supreme Infernal out by other factors. While some artists, Regency prefers obedience without having honed their skills, deplorably go on to instruction.” [He dramatically interrupted rewarding careers, and some whose talents his spokesman, to emphasize the gravity of happen to be unfashionable, gain some the situation, his tone a classy blend of measure of happiness and fulfillment in menace and suavity.— Squ .] sharing their gifts with a small group, some “Quite so,” said Squidgeboodle, “and talented people remain content with such the Regency can dismiss any Chair who is small outlets and never go further—which is too dull-witted to understand its unstated often to Hell’s advantage. Even better for us, instructions.” [I aimed midway between we find that publication, even in these small obsequiousness and burlesque— Squ .] venues, inspires artists to indulge in celebrity “Dull-witted or disobedient?” Moloch behavior quite as obnoxious and self- burst out. [I rolled my eyes a full 360 destructive as anything a Hollywood star degrees, but before I could say anything, he could do, and at a much lower cost to the Regency.” rushed on.— Squ .] “Why was Mythic Circle “Glib answers,” said Moloch. 31 allowed publication?” “If the number of complaints is not Squidgeboodle affected great surprise. unusual,” Mephistopheles intoned [Damned straight, Moldiwhether. I rolled censoriously, “perhaps your rating system my eyes another 360 degrees.— .] Squ needs tweaking. Mythic Circle 31 contains a “Mythic Circle 31?” he said. “Why not? It poem by Joe Christopher, a man published in is a tiny low-budget literary publication, not Mythopoeic circles long enough to have a on the Regency’s proscribed list. In that reputation of his own. He titles his poem ‘A category, all harassment is determined by Suburb of the City of Dis,’ and it evokes C. random drawing. Even under those S. Lewis’s Great Divorce and Dante’s Divine limitations, we did arrange some incidents. Comedy in a few short lines. To make Would you like to hear--” matters worse, it is written in terza rima . If “No!” Moloch declared. “Whatever all that didn’t set off a quintuple alarm, you did, the issue has still appeared. How there’s something wrong with your could you ignore so many complaints of algorithm. Young people might be inspired to counter-infernal activity?” He gestured to study and imitate older poetic forms which, Mephistopheles, who displayed a sheaf of The Mythic Circl e #31, pg. 45 at the very least, would absorb their minds by the treachery of Poseidon, and the story and distract them from lust and violence. contains a message, memorably expressed, Worse, they might read Lewis and Dante.” which people are all too likely to heed, to Squidgeboodle shrugged. “Given the beware of hidden costs.” Regency’s successful interventions in “You ably argue the negative. But American education, such effects will not be consider Dag Rossman’s story, ‘Brekka.’ statistically significant. To be sure, if you Monsters and hags triumph with their wish to audit our algo--” overwhelming power. Terror of the “Forget it. Christopher has another supernatural will increase.” piece in the issue. A collaboration, in fact.” “Hardly, when the protagonist survives “You mean ‘Eggzactly,’ written with his and still remembers his love.” friend Donald Hinkle? The pastiche of Alice “Love? The main character is a Through the Looking Glass , featuring the troublemaker who always needs help and return of Humpty Dumpty? That can’t have gets rescued by the generous sacrifice of caused all the fuss, surely. We have someone else. If only the story inspires posthumously reduced Lewis Carroll’s emulation. That more than makes up for any counter-infernal qualities by making him a demerits.” laughing-stock. Thanks to us, mainstream “As always, my friend Belial, you make opinion now holds that grown men can have the best possible case, but it isn’t good no uncontroversial attachments to children enough. The protagonist, Dag Ormseeker, is not their own.” only weak as humans must be among “You forget that the fragrance—or the immortals. Perhaps he represents, better stench—of long term friendship is itself than an invincible hero could, the position of counter-infernal.” modern humanity, in the midst of irresistibly “My friend Mephistopheles, knowing expanding knowledge and technology. Yet your talent, I don’t doubt that you could where he chooses, he chooses counter- expand the list of counter-infernal qualities infernally. He values his love above all indefinitely, but much can be said on the things, and honors great deeds done by other side as well. Belial can report on that, others. He doesn’t despair, and he doesn’t if you want specifics.” seek to fill his empty life with gold, jewels [Mephistopheles fell silent and Moloch and material possessions, tendencies which glared ruddily, but Beelzebub intervened were well pronounced in the original with calm like the eye of a hurricane— Squ .] Northern mythology (we saw to that) which “Let Belial, do so, then,” said Beelzebub. Rossman adapts. Why didn’t you send Belial said, “Some stories and poems in someone to nudge Rossman closer to his this issue celebrate pagan pantheons.” material? Mammon I see, is gnashing his “What of it?” Mephistopheles scoffed.